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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails , he noticed a beautiful woman strolling
alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!!
My wife's dinner party!!!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs.
The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said,
"Come on guys, we're almost there!!"
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goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical
exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the
doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no
problems. I did notice one anomaly, however."
"Oh, what is that, Doctor?"
"Well, you have no nipples."
"None of my people in my tribe have nipples, " she replied.
"That is amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South Carolina Journal of Medicine if you don't mind."
She said, "OK."
"First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"
She answered, "Approximately 500."
"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor.
Running Doe replied
We're called The Indian Nippleless Five Hundred
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$herry
Joined: Jun 17, 2007
Posts: 478
From: Pakistan
PM |
 LMAO!
Great ones goldenface! 
[addsig] |
Evil Eye
Joined: Jun 23, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Pune, Maharashtra, India
PM |
Interviewer: what's your qualification?
Dumbo : Sir, I am Ph.d.
Interviewer : what do you mean by Ph.d?
Dumbo: (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
A Dumbo for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and it read:
AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF
FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
2 dumbos while driving a Car, one puts on the side indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
_________________
 My K-JAM thread(with loads of pics)
Proud owner of i-mate K-JAM &  K550i
[ This Message was edited by: EviL EyE on 2007-08-14 11:14 ] |
sailaab
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: India
PM |
http://www.esato.com/news/article.php/id=1756
i wish it were a joke.. these happenings aren't..
just goes to show how big corporations (and countries) can evade responsibility and cheat people..
recently a quiet a few explosions of Nokia's (batteries) made for good coverage on news channels and the recall.
and here is a quote extract from their (Nokia's) previous stand (as early as 2003).. makes us wonder if they were just shrugging off responsibility and those were intentional lies.. borne out of the need for higher profit motives by sourcing cheapest vendors..
http://news.zdnet.co.uk/hardware/0,1000000091,39117035,00.htm
Nokia on Thursday pointed the finger at counterfeit batteries after another of its phones exploded and burned its user, the third such case in two months, and said that original batteries sold with its phones were safe.
yeah rite.. they were ALWAYS safe.. then why this-> http://www.nokia.com/batteryreplacement/
Hopefully, some people who blindly follow Blokia will be better aware
Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life! SE  TRIVIA |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines, one line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the Head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
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Danny_BFC
Joined: Jun 18, 2006
Posts: 499
From: Barnsley, Phone,
PM |
On 2007-08-09 16:02:29, goldenface wrote:
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails , he noticed a beautiful woman strolling
alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!!
My wife's dinner party!!!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs.
The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said,
"Come on guys, we're almost there!!"
Nice soccer am joke lol.
I'm here all week
Im not fussed about phones/gadgets no more. If im online im in the Non-Mobile discussion  |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
Glasgow Rangers manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Football and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Scotland.
Two weeks later the 'Gers are 4-0 down to Aberdeen with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
" Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day.
Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"
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Chartreuse Eyes
Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 253
PM, WWW
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An old singer turned up to the stage. As he started singing, his artifical teeth fell down. Hastily, he fitted into the mouth but as he began singing these fell down again.
When this process went on for a number of times, a person said angrily,' Would you sing something or go on changing the Cds' |
paul101
Joined: Mar 26, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: first to last
PM, WWW
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*conversation to g/f*
when i said i was positive, i meant HIV+
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me |
$herry
Joined: Jun 17, 2007
Posts: 478
From: Pakistan
PM |
[addsig] |
$herry
Joined: Jun 17, 2007
Posts: 478
From: Pakistan
PM |
On 2002-06-05 14:01:00, john74 wrote:
Subject: The Princess
>>
>>
>> >
>> > Once upon a time there lived a king.
>> > The king had a beautiful daughter,
>> > the princess.
>> >
>> > But there was a problem.
>> > Everything the princess touched would melt.
>> > No matter what;
>> > metal,
>> > wood,
>> > stone,
>> > anything she touched would melt.
>> > Because of this, men were afraid of her.
>> > Nobody would dare marry her.
>> > The king despaired.
>> > What could he do to help his daughter?
>> > He consulted his wizards and magicians.
>> > One wizard told the king,
>> > "If your daughter touches one thing
>> > that does not melt in her hands,
>> > she will be cured."
>> >
>> >
>> > The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
>> >
>> > The next day,
>> > he held a competition.
>> > Any man that could bring his daughter an
>> > object that would not melt would marry her
>> > and inherit the king's wealth.
>> > Three young princes took up the challenge.
>> >
>> > The first prince brought a sword of the finest
>>steel.
>> >
>> > But alas,
>> > once the princess touched it,
>> > it melted.
>> > The prince went away sadly.
>> >
>> > The second prince brought diamonds.
>> >
>> > He thought diamonds are the hardest substance
>> > in the world and would not melt.
>> > But alas,
>> > once the princess touched them,
>> > they melted.
>> > He too was sent away disappointed.
>> >
>> > The third prince approached.
>> > He told the princess,
>> > "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what
>> > is in there."
>> > The princess did as she was told,
>> > though she turned red.
>> >
>> > She felt something hard.
>> > She held it in her hand.
>> >
>> > And it did not melt!!!
>> >
>> > The king was overjoyed.
>> > Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
>> > And the third prince married the princess
>> > and they both lived happily ever after.
>> >
>> > Question:
>> >
>> > What was in the prince's pants?
>> >
>> > (Scroll down for the answer)
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> > M&M's of course.
>> > They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
>> > [IMAGE]
>> > What were you thinking you pervert?
Just came across this joke and remembered the Nokia N95 advert...was it the same prince in the advert who says, "there's a thing in my pocket, but its not a THING" ?
[addsig] |
chili
Joined: Dec 09, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Philippines
PM, WWW
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Melted in her mouth eh... she swallow?  |
KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
PM |
George Bush is sitting in his office, when his advisor knocks on the door.
GB: Come in!
Advisor: Mr Presedent Im sorry but I have some unfortunate news
GB: May God have mercy on us all, what is it?
Advisor: Brazilians have died in Iraq
Bush is lost for words. He leaps on the floor. "OH MY GOD!!" "WHY OH WHY, GOD WHY DID THIS HAPPEN!!??"
advisor: Calm down mr president, its only a few Brazilians.
GB: wait a minute.. how much is a Brazilian? |
KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
PM |
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
" Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until! you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a darned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
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Posted: 2007-08-09 16:02
TRIVIA
