| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
blackspot
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Philippines
PM |
In a town convention, the speaker asked "has anyone of you experienced making love to a ghost?".
A farmer raised his hand. The speaker was shocked and said "Really! So how does it feel making love to a ghost?"
The farmer was a bit embarrassed and answered "Oh sorry, I thought you said goat!"
resistance is futile. |
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batesie
Joined: Feb 13, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: London, UK
PM |
> Top Tips!!!
>
> DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
> tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
> another song you like and hum that instead.
>
> CINEMA goers: Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by
> having a p**s before the film starts.
>
> RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
> actually speaking clearly in the first place.
>
> DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
> identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
> with your old bank statements.
>
> WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking
> red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to
> remove the stains.
>
> SOLDIERS: Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial
> tomfoolery after a trip to Truprint.
>
> MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it
> to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
>
> BURGLARS: When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm
> sticking out at 90?, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one
> of their dogs on you.
>
> EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
> CVs into the bin.
>
> MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
> the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save
> your wife from having to do it.
>
> GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself
> by Royal Mail.
>
> BANGING: two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
> very small horse is approaching.
>
> ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
>
> DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your
> horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start
> and send them on their way.
>
> PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
> everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
> morning, simply move it all back again.
>
> CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
> valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
>
> DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',
> simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
>
> MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst
> driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police
> will think you are listening to the sea.
>
> JEREMY Beadle: When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in
> your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.
>
> SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
>
> SINGLE men: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
> outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and
> occasionally glancing inside.
>
> BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg
> into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.
> After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the
> pan.
>
> ALCOHOLICS: don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the
> pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.
>
> McDONALD'S: Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend
> in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.
[addsig] |
project86
Joined: May 24, 2005
Posts: 0
PM |
Two doctors are discussing the new nurse Jenny in a hospital. "Shes reallly thick, i told her to give someone 20 mills of insulin every 3 hours, she gave him 3 mills of insulin every 20 hours! he nearly died!" "Yeah, she does everything backwards!" said the other doctor. "the other day i told her to give a guy one enema every 12 hours, she gave him 12 enemas every hour, the poor guy nearly exploded!" just then there was a blood curling scream from down the hall. "oh my word!" said the one doctor! "i've just realised... i told her to prick Mr Smith's boil!!!" |
Evil Eye
Joined: Jun 23, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Pune, Maharashtra, India
PM |
 @project
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JK
Joined: Feb 24, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: S. Africa - JOZI
PM |
Pay attention
"Are You Paying Attention?" A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.
"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them.
After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of
observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index." 
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Rocky B.
Joined: Jan 15, 2005
Posts: 357
From: Leicester, England
PM, WWW
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Hehe
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kk.226
Joined: Nov 04, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: London
PM |
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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AcIDbURn89
Joined: Oct 17, 2005
Posts: 0
From: Nowhere
PM |
Aids Awarness Slogans:
*Cover ur stump b4 u pump
*Don't b silly, protect ur willy
*Aids no joke, b sure 2 wrap b4 u poke
*Don't b a fool, condomize ur TOOL!.
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AcIDbURn89
Joined: Oct 17, 2005
Posts: 0
From: Nowhere
PM |
Diff b/w erotic n kinky - erotic is when u use the feather, kinky is when u use the chicken....... |
AcIDbURn89
Joined: Oct 17, 2005
Posts: 0
From: Nowhere
PM |
>> Blonde's frnd 2 blonde -
Hi!! How did ur exams go?
>> Blonde -
They went well. But i coldn't
get the past tense of think.
So, i thought n thought n
finally wrote
...
...
...
THUNK !!! |
mrao
Joined: Nov 11, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Mumbai, India
PM |
A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The
subject of the day was involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman "Do you
know what your anal sphincter is doing when you're having an orgasm?"
"Sure", she said, without missing a beat, "He's at home, taking care of the kids."
 t610 > k700i > p800 > p900 > p910 > k750i > I-mate Jam > Blokia 6681 > HTC Prophet > HTC Wizard & Nokia N73 > E71 > BB 9000 > HTC Desire > Samsung Galaxy S > Samsung Galaxy S II & the Motorola Xoom <br /> Still Shiny but not so n |
mrao
Joined: Nov 11, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Mumbai, India
PM |
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours.
The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."
The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half."
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."
"A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where does he go when he leaves here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says "Your house".
t610 > k700i > p800 > p900 > p910 > k750i > I-mate Jam > Blokia 6681 > HTC Prophet > HTC Wizard & Nokia N73 > E71 > BB 9000 > HTC Desire > Samsung Galaxy S > Samsung Galaxy S II & the Motorola Xoom <br /> Still Shiny but not so n |
axxxr
Joined: Mar 21, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Londinium
PM, WWW
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Could'nt think of any funny jokes so here goes!  .... No bigger joke than Mr Bush!
[addsig] |
Evil Eye
Joined: Jun 23, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Pune, Maharashtra, India
PM |
Man to God.
Man: Bless me God! My Son is gambler, my daughter is drug addict, my wife is alcoholic...
God: Is there anything positive in your life?
Man: Yes! I am HIV +ve.....
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goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
Ooops! Definitely Bad Taste, evil eye.
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Posted: 2005-09-28 06:57
t610 > k700i > p800 > p900 > p910 > k750i > I-mate Jam > Blokia 6681 > HTC Prophet > HTC Wizard & Nokia N73 > E71 > BB 9000 > HTC Desire > Samsung Galaxy S > Samsung Galaxy S II & the Motorola Xoom 
