| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
mrao
Joined: Nov 11, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Mumbai, India
PM |
. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.
 t610 > k700i > p800 > p900 > p910 > k750i > I-mate Jam > Blokia 6681 > HTC Prophet > HTC Wizard & Nokia N73 > E71 > BB 9000 > HTC Desire > Samsung Galaxy S > Samsung Galaxy S II & the Motorola Xoom <br /> Still Shiny but not so n | |
|
mustafabay
Joined: Sep 27, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Egypt
PM |
Does the expression, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells?
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches. That is an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.
Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay!
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses. Now the twist to the story...
There's an interesting extension to the story about railroad gauges and horses' behinds.
When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokolat their factory at Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. |
Uncle Bob
Joined: Nov 27, 2003
Posts: 202
From: Englandshire
PM |
The Englishman's wife steps up to the first tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," she replied.
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £10. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £5. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jasus, Maggie! Where the fook are yer drawers?"
She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
Brevior saltare cum deformibus mulieribus est vita |
Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
PM, WWW
|
I like that one 
|
mrao
Joined: Nov 11, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Mumbai, India
PM |
t610 > k700i > p800 > p900 > p910 > k750i > I-mate Jam > Blokia 6681 > HTC Prophet > HTC Wizard & Nokia N73 > E71 > BB 9000 > HTC Desire > Samsung Galaxy S > Samsung Galaxy S II & the Motorola Xoom <br /> Still Shiny but not so n |
Uncle Bob
Joined: Nov 27, 2003
Posts: 202
From: Englandshire
PM |
Two guys walk into a bar, and they both have black eyes. "How did you get your black eye?" asks the first guy.
"Well, it was really a Freudian slip. You see, I was walking through the park one day when I saw a woman with three beautiful children. I walked up to her to compliment her children, but when I tried to say, 'You have some lovely kiddies,' I accidentally said, 'You have some lovely titties. So she slapped me, and gave me this black eye. How about you, how did you get your black eye?"
"Well, I too had a Freudian slip. I was sitting down to breakfast with my wife of thirty-two years, and I tried to say, 'Would you please pass the Cornflakes?' but instead I said, 'You ruined my life you f***ing bitch.'"
_________________
Brevior saltare cum deformibus mulieribus est vita
[ This Message was edited by: Uncle Bob on 2005-07-05 15:59 ] |
mrao
Joined: Nov 11, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Mumbai, India
PM |
Computer funnies
MEMO
Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.
Offline:
t610 > k700i > p800 > p900 > p910 > k750i > I-mate Jam > Blokia 6681 > HTC Prophet > HTC Wizard & Nokia N73 > E71 > BB 9000 > HTC Desire > Samsung Galaxy S > Samsung Galaxy S II & the Motorola Xoom <br /> Still Shiny but not so n |
whizkidd
Joined: May 14, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: India
PM, WWW
|
Tourist to travel agent: "If the world keeps getting smaller, why do airline tickets cost more and more?"
T230 >> T610 >> Ngage QD >> N73 >> N85 >> Omnia HD >> And countless other review units |
mrao
Joined: Nov 11, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Mumbai, India
PM |
No offense meant towards any nationality here...just another joke
A Mexican drinks his Tequila and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a pistol and shoots the glass to pieces while it is still in the air. He says "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice. Viva Mexico!"
An Iraqi obviously impressed by this, drinks his camel beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK 47 and shoots the glass to pieces while it is still in the air. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either!
Praise Allah!"
A US Marine, cool as a cucumber, picks up his Budweiser and drinks it, throws his bottle into the air, pulls out his M-9 Beretta and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi. He says "In America we have so many Mexicans and Arabs that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice
t610 > k700i > p800 > p900 > p910 > k750i > I-mate Jam > Blokia 6681 > HTC Prophet > HTC Wizard & Nokia N73 > E71 > BB 9000 > HTC Desire > Samsung Galaxy S > Samsung Galaxy S II & the Motorola Xoom <br /> Still Shiny but not so n |
kk.226
Joined: Nov 04, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: London
PM |
That's a funny one, i heard it before.
Aite here's one, the word "Chav" has replaced another, otherwise it would just be plain racist!
Q:What do you call a Chav on the moon?
A:Problem.
Q:What do you call 10 Chavs on the moon?
A:Problem.
Q:What do you call 100 Chavs on the moon?
A:Problem.
Q:What do you call 1,000 Chavs on the moon?
A:Problem.
Q:What do you call ALL the Chavs on the moon?
A:Problem Solved! |
Evil Eye
Joined: Jun 23, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Pune, Maharashtra, India
PM |
Why do nuns dont wear bra?
Bcoz God supports everthing...
|
Glenny
Joined: Feb 26, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: Mars
PM, WWW
|
@kk- god bless you, my friend, we share the same dream
|
njoy29
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 4
PM |
As Bill headed out to work his fields, he told his new, blonde, city-girl wife, "The artificial insemination man is coming by today to impregnate one of our cows today. Can you show him where it is?" "How will I know which cow?" asked Amy. "They all look alike." "Oh, I drove a nail above the cow's stall. You'll see it," he said, leaving the house. Later, when the artificial insemination man arrived, Amy walked him down the long row of cows until she saw the nail and said, "This is the cow right here!"
Impressed, the man asked, "How did you know this is the right cow?" "By the nail over its stall." He looked puzzled. "What's the nail for?"
As she walked away, she flipped her long blonde hair and replied, "I guess it's to hang up your pants!" |
mustafabay
Joined: Sep 27, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Egypt
PM |
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy this?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher. |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
Quote:
|
On 2005-08-13 19:14:00, njoy29 wrote:
As Bill headed out to work his fields, he told his new, blonde, city-girl wife, "The artificial insemination man is coming by today to impregnate one of our cows today. Can you show him where it is?" "How will I know which cow?" asked Amy. "They all look alike." "Oh, I drove a nail above the cow's stall. You'll see it," he said, leaving the house. Later, when the artificial insemination man arrived, Amy walked him down the long row of cows until she saw the nail and said, "This is the cow right here!"
Impressed, the man asked, "How did you know this is the right cow?" "By the nail over its stall." He looked puzzled. "What's the nail for?"
As she walked away, she flipped her long blonde hair and replied, "I guess it's to hang up your pants!"
|
|
LMAO. Very funny. | |
|
Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
|
Posted: 2005-07-03 01:14
t610 > k700i > p800 > p900 > p910 > k750i > I-mate Jam > Blokia 6681 > HTC Prophet > HTC Wizard & Nokia N73 > E71 > BB 9000 > HTC Desire > Samsung Galaxy S > Samsung Galaxy S II & the Motorola Xoom 
