Sage
Joined: Apr 17, 2003
Posts: 233
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Only the dead have seen the end of war.
- Plato
Evil is born of a cold heart and a weak mind.
- Charles Holland
That speech was as dull as my razor blade.
- Groucho Marx
Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
- Steven Wright
There's a world market for... five computers.
- Thomas Watson (1942)
We all complain about the shortness of time, and yet we have more than we know what to do with.
- Seneca
Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.
- James Thurber
Wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, but cheerily seek how to redress their harms.
- William Shakespeare
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
- Mark Twain
It is better to be rich and healthy rather than sick and poor.
- Yvon Deschamps
He gets lost in thought because it's unfamiliar territory.
- George Jessel
We find comfort among those who agree with us -- growth among those who don't.
- Frank A. Clark
It's too bad that being useless isn't an Olympic sport.
- Dilbert
Christmas isn't about being with those you love, it's about being with family.
- Tim "Toolman" Taylor
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
- Hector Berlioz
You can tell alot about a person by how excited they are about doing the Macarena.
- Janeane Garofalo
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.
- Henry Louis Menken
Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
- Edward Howe
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
- Edgar Allan Poe
Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.
- Clarence Darrow
"All your base are belong to us! Move 'zig'! For great justice!"
- Zero wing
Business is war.
- Japanese proverb
A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it adds up to be real money.
- Everett Dirksen
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
uh, Sir... I'm not quite dead yet.
- Eric Idle (Monty Python)
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
- Mark Twain
See that aircraft? The distance we'll walk today, he's just traveled with one sip of his gin and tonic.
- anonymous
The best way to handle communism is from an altitude of 35 000 feet.
- Gen. Curtis Lemay
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
- Bill Vaughan
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
- Clarence Darrow
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
- Edgar A. Shoaff
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- Henry Louis Mencken
A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension.
- Joseph Mandelbrot
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Nothing happens that goes against nature - only against what we know about it.
- anonymous
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
- Willam James
Crime does not pay... as well as politics.
- A.E. Newman
Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made.
- Otto von Bismark
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
- Steven Wright
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.
- Steven Wright
Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent.
- Walt Kelly
Either this man is dead or my watch just stopped.
- Groucho Marx
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
- anonymous
Fall is my favorite season in L.A., watching the birds change color and fall from the trees...
- David Letterman
In the long run, we are all dead.
- John Meynard
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
- George Burns
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
- Mickey Rooney
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
- James Thurber
The most important thing to learn in life, is how to live.
- Sir John Lubbock
If something's urgent, start ignoring it right away.
- Dilbert (Scott Adams)
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
- John Ciardi
The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
- Harold Coffin
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Life is what happens when you're making other plans.
- John Lennon
The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty.
- Dave Barry
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
- Samuel Butler
Be the first to say what is self-evident, and you are immortal.
- M. Ebner-Eschenbach
On the contrary, Sir... I think of this project as very important. It is you I take lightly.
- Leonard Nimoy (Star Trek)
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
- anonymous
It's in your nature to destroy yourselves.
- Arnold Schwartzenegger
A thousand years scarce serve to form a state; An hour may lay it in the dust.
- Lord Byron
In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
- Oscar Wilde
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Charlie McCarthy
The years betwen 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
- T.S. Elliot
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke
The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.
- Dwight Morrow
Keep on dreamin' boy, 'cause when ya stop dreamin' it's time to die.
- Blind Melon
Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors.
- Quentin Crisp
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
- Paul Gauguin
Once, during the prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
- W.C. Fields
Don't call my palace a nasty hole! You just wait till it has been cleaned and redecorated!
- J.R.R. Tolkien (The Hobbit)
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.
- Marshall Lumsden
Knowledge is proud that she has learnt so much; Wisdom is humble that she knows no more.
- William Cowper
Able was I, ere I saw Elba.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
A pessimist is one who has been intimately acquainted with an optimist.
- Elbert Hubbard
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
- Ogden Nash
What we're about to have here is a fat dead guy on a stick.
- Lisa Kudrow (Friends)
We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
- Dan Quayle
The truth is not always the same as the majority decision.
- Pope Jean-Paul
Misunderstanding his dying father's advice, Arnie spent several years protecting the family mules.
- Gary Larson (The Far Side)
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
- J.D. Salinger
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
Well chosen friendship; the most noble of virtues, all our joys makes double, And into halves divides our trouble.
- Sir John Denham
You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.
- George Jessel
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- Henry Louis Mencken
I'm so poor I can't afford to pay attention.
- anonymous
I hate music, especially when it's played.
- Jimmy Durante
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
- Pubilius Syrus
When you believe in nothing, everything is acceptable.
- Charles Holland
If courage is gone, then all is gone! 'Twere better that thou hadst never been born.
- Johann von Goethe
It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy.
- James Thurber
As soon as you can say what you think and not what some other person had thought for you, you are on your way to being a remarkable man.
- J.M. Barrie
Not Heaven itself upon the past has power, For what has been has been; and I have had my hour.
- John Dryden
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones
... you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone...
- Joni Mitchell
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'...they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git'...
- Alexi Sayle
The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
- Mark Twain
Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.
- anonymous
She's got long black hair flowing down her back. Too bad it isn't on her head.
- George Jessel
My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.
- Penn Jillette
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.
- Mark Twain
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
- Bertrand Russel
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids from doing it.
- anonymous
You cannot eat an elephant in one swallow.
- anonymous
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
God heals, and the doctor takes the fee.
- Benjamin Franklin
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
To generalize is to be an idiot.
- William Blake
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, then you'll be fired with enthusiasm.
- Vince Lombardi
Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealing with men.
- anonymous
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
A good deed never goes unpunished.
- Gore Vidal
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen
Don't say that you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong.
- Oscar Wilde
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
- André Gide
It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.
- David Brin
Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he's got his curve ball straightened out...
- Joe Garagiola
I count him braver who conquers his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self.
- Aristotle
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde
What's another word for Thesaurus?
- Steven Wright
Men are created one for another; either then teach them better or bear with.
- Marcus Aurelius
Some feelings are to mortals given, with less of Earth in them than Heaven.
- Sir Walter Scott
The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none.
- Thomas Carlisle
One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop.
- G. Weilacher
However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea.
- Tom K. Ryan
He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes. But he who never asks a question remains a fool forever.
- Tom J. Connolly
All thought is naught but a footnote to Plato.
- George Santiano
When you're first, you're always in better position than if you're last.
- Jean Chrétien
Better beans and bacon in peace rather than cakes and ale in fear.
- Aesop's Fables
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
- Anatole France
To be proud of virtue is to poison oneself with the antidote.
- Benjamin Franklin
Once again, Vernon has a good shirt ruined by a cheap pocket octopus.
- Gary Larson (The Far Side)
I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect.
- Edward Gibbon
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face. Forever.
- George Orwell
First make yourself unpopular, then people will take you seriously.
- Konrad Adenauer
The reason lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time.
- Willie Tyler
Women: you can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em.
- Tom Arnold (True Lies)
Half the failures of this world arise from pulling in one's horse as he is leaping.
- Augustus Hare
Laughter is the language of the soul.
- Pablo Naruda
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
- Benjamin Franklin
She made a lasting impression on him. Doctors say the scar will never dissapear.
- George Jessel
Every man should have a college education in order to show him how little the thing is really worth.
- Elbert Hubbard
I haven't seen this much grease since my last angiogram.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Most of the time I'm not having much fun. The rest of the time, I'm not having any fun at all.
- Woody Allen
Ignorance is the curse of God; Knowledge the wing wherewith we fly to Heaven.
- Lord Say
A sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows keener with constant use.
- Washington Irving
A man's mind, stretched by new ideas, may never return to it's original dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.
- Carl Jung
Experience is directly proportional to the value of equipment destroyed.
- Carolyn Scheppner
Good intentions are nothing if they don't become good actions.
- Joseph Joubert
The weak have problems. The strong have solutions.
- Louis Pauwels
If the Creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out.
- Arthur Koestler
Winning isn't everything. It's the only thing.
- Vince Lombardi
The best prophet is he who guesses right.
- Euripides
If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six sharpening my ax.
- Abraham Lincoln
Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
- Mark Twain
There is more to life than increasing it's speed.
- Mahatma Gandhi
The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.
- Linus Pauling
The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.
- Confucius
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
- Bill Cosby
The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do.
- Roy L. Smith
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
A lawyer is a guy who represents you just to make sure you get all that's coming to him.
- George Jessel
Life is a God-damned, stinking, treacherous game and nine hundred and ninety-nine men out of a thousand are bastards.
- Theodore Dreiser
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
- anonymous
The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
- John McNulty
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is, to have a thankless child.
- William Shakespeare
Endings, to be useful, must be inconclusive.
- Samuel R. Delaney
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
- Dave Barry
Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
- Eugene McCarthy
Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a communist.
- Alvin Dark
It is not important to add years to your life, but to add life to your years.
- Alexis Carrel
All men are equal, but some are more equal than others.
- anonymous
You can go to hell. I'm going to Texas.
- Davy Crockett
We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years and justify our existence... on pain of liquidation.
- George Bernard Shaw
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
Nothing is lost when there is something to be found.
- Pierre Dac
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
- Woody Allen
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
- Josef Stalin
You should always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
- Babe Ruth
Quit school, join a gang, is my advice to the youth. Smoke as many cigarettes as you can. Try the different brands, find out what is right for you.
- Ellen Degeneres
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
- Oscar Wilde
Champions exist so that challengers may aspire to dethrone them.
- William R. Trotter
It's a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.
- Gary Larson (The Far Side)
If you want to read about love and marriage, you have to buy two separate books.
- Alan King
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Folks, we've become a nation of consumers who not only want to have their cake and eat it, too, but believe that we're actually entitled to do so.
- Scott Wolf
It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.
- Pierre Auguste Renoir
Men and women, women and men. It will never work.
- Erica Jong
If A is a success in life, then A = X + Y + Z. Work is X; play is Y; and Z is keeping your mouth shut.
- Albert Einstein
History is past politics, and politics is present history.
- E.A. Freeman
Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice.
- Will Durant
Never rub another man's rhubarb.
- Jack Nicholson (Batman)
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death.
- Fran Lebowitz
Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself.
- Mae West
There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.
- Adela Rogers St. Johns
The world's as ugly, ay, as sin. And almost as delightful.
- Frederick Locker
How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?
- Bob Dylan
You will be damned if you do - and you will be damned if you don't.
- Lawrence Dow
A thing which is always subject to the direction of another is somewhat of a dead thing.
- Thomas Aquinas
When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
- Arthur C. Doyle
Half of the American people never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.
- Gore Vidal
Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
- Leo Rosten
He who cannot draw on three thousand years is living from hand to mouth.
- Johann von Goethe
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in.
- Mark Twain
The farther the experiment is from theory the closer it is to the Nobel Prize.
- Frederic Joliot-Curie
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your thing.
- Warren Miller
Great warrior? Heh! Wars not make one great!
- Master Yoda (Star Wars)
The only thing we require to be good philosophers is the faculty of wonder.
- Jostein Gaarder
The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.
- Woodrow Wilson
The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.
- Art Linkletter
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
- Lewis Grizzard
A problem left to itself dries up and goes rotten. But fertilize a problem with a solution - you'll hatch out dozens.
- N.F. Simpson
The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.
- A. Toussenel
Anyone can stop a man's life, but no one his death; a thousand doors open on to it.
- Seneca
If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he entitled to happiness?
- Stanislaw Lec
Every man at three years old is half his height.
- Leonardo da Vinci
We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first - rock n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
- Henry Louis Mencken
If you call a dog Hervey, I shall love him.
- Samuel Jackson
Don't joke about his height or he'll bash in your kneecaps.
- anonymous
My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.
- Winston Churchill
I know a woman who's so vain, she even lies about her dog's age.
- George Jessel
There is only one thing I know, and that is that I know nothing.
- Socrates
Read my lips; no new taxes.
- George Bush
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
- Robert Orben
The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.
- L.P. Hartley
God may pardon you, but I never will.
- Queen Elizabeth I
The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition.
- Carl Sagan
Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead.
- Newspaper headline
The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief.
- William Shakespeare
There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
- Lord Acton
The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.
- William Safire
The vice-presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm piss.
- John N. Garner
Books are made not like children, but like pyramids. And they're just as useless! And they stay in the desert! Jackals piss at their foot and the bourgeois climb up on them.
- Gustave Flaubert
When you don't have money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both, it's health.
- J.P. Donleavy
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
- Charles Schultz
I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
- Florence Henderson
I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.
- Arturo Toscanini
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
- Mark Twain
The Creator, if He exists, has a special preference for beetles.
- J.B.S. Haldane
How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?
- Charles de Gaulle
When it is not necessary to change, it is necessary not to change.
- Lucius Cary
I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific.
- Steven Wright
Elections are won by men and women chiefly because people vote against somebody rather than for somebody.
- Franklin P. Adams
I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.
- Harold S. Kushner
'Sesquippledan', he would say. 'Sesquippledan verboojuice'.
- H.G. Wells
Photography is truth. The cinema is truth 24 times per second.
- Jean-Luc Goddard
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
- anonymous
We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry.
- John Webster
I find that when I do not think of myself I do not think at all.
- Jules Renard
I experimented with marijuana a time or two. And I didn't like it, and I didn't inhale.
- Bill Clinton
Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
- Samuel Johnson
I don't care about life on Earth, so why should I care about Mars?
- Greg Thomey
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
- Groucho Marx
The road to Hell is paved, that's why it's so attractive to people in the countryside.
- Dave Broadfoot
Formal education will earn you a living, self-education will make you a fortune.
- anonymous
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
- Jay Leno
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
- George Bernard Shaw
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
- Isaac Newton
What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
- John Lubbock
The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.
- Chinese Proverb
We protest against unjust criticism, but we accept unearned applause.
- José Narosky
The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
- Benjamin Franklin
I'll moider da bum!
- Tony Galento
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
- J. Paul Getty
I would have made a good Pope.
- Richard Nixon
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
- Al Capone
The man who never alters his opinions is like standing in water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.
- William Blake
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
- Woody Allen
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, nor Hell a fury like a woman scorn'd.
- William Shakespeare
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles Duell (1899)
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
- Mark Twain
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Earl Wilson
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
- Mark Twain
The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
- Shirley Maclaine
Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
- Alfred Hitchcock
In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
- Carl Sagan (Cosmos)
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Thinking in its lower grades, is comparable to paper money, and in its higher forms it is a kind of poetry.
- Havelock Ellis
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- F.P. Jones
No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.
- Heraclitas
Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.
- Henry N. Camp
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Redd Foxx
Politicians, like underwear, should be changed often, and for the same reasons.
- anonymous
If our founding fathers were alive today, they'd roll over in their graves.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it.
- Dave Barry
If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Take away the right to say "f**k" and you take away the right to say "f**k the government."
- Lenny Bruce
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
- anonymous
If I spit, they will take my spit and frame it as great art.
- Pablo Picasso
Chips with every damn thing. You breed babies and you eat chips with everything.
- Arnold Wesker
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
- George Bernard Shaw
There are only two things in life that are really impossible: putting toothpaste back in the tube, and getting off a mailing list.
- George Jessel
My name is George Nathaniel Curzon, I am a most superior person.
- George N. Curzon
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
- Douglas Adams
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.
- Charlotte Whitton
He was a wise man who invented God.
- Plato
I could prove God statistically.
- George Gallup
Life is like playing the violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
- Samuel Butler
He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly delightful.
- Sydney Smith
The writing of more than 75 poems in any fiscal year should be punishable by a fine of 500$.
- Ed Sanders
The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New Jersey.
- Woody Allen
I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
- Dan D'Alessio
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Neibuhr
So I hear Dad's dead... is that eggnog?
- Kids in the Hall
There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
- David Letterman
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
- Fletcher Knebel
Being in a band is like being in the mob. You never get out of it while you're alive.
- Bono (U2)
A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
- Antoine de St-Exupéry
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
- Nikita Khrushchev
If you get to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra
Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest.
- Eric Clapton
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
- Alfred E. Wiggam
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
- Chinese proverb
A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
- Galileo Galilei
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
- Mae West
Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.
- Voltaire
A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.
- Harvey Mackay
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
- Mayor Marion Barry
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
- Abraham Lincoln
Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
- Henry Ford
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Brooke Shields
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
- Robert Frost
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
- Bob Wells
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
- anonymous
People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little.
- Jean-Jacques Rousseau
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
- G.K. Chesterton
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
- Michel de Montaigne
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
- Bob Wells
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
- Salvor Hardin
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
- Casey Stengal
If "less is more", imagine how much more "more" will be.
- Kelsey Grammer
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
- Jeff Raskin
He who laughs last is generally the last to get the joke.
- Terry Cohen
I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot.
- John Cleese (Monty Python)
What if it was cats who invented technology... would they have TV shows starring rubber squeak toys?
- Douglas Cowpland
If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
- anonymous
Youth is wasted on the young.
- George Bernard Shaw
When a thing has been said and said well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it.
- Anatole France
Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders than the arguments of its opposers.
- William Penn
I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
- Oscar Levant
I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
- David Dinkins
Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.
- anonymous
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
- Honoré de Balzac
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.
- Otto von Bismark
We need a President who's fluent in at least one language.
- Buck Henry
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
- Niccolo Machiavelli
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
- George Jean Nathan
The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!
- Mark Russell
Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
- Charles Pierce
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
- Cher
I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been.
- Wayne Gretzky
"
- Hmm I think having a gay friend would be nice! It would be cool to hang out with a guy you know for sure wasn't hitting on you.
- Only women think : "Oh it would be so GREAT to have a DROP DEAD GORGEOUS guy that there's no CHANCE IN HELL I can sleep with!" It's called Masochism What's so wrong with being hit on by guys?? You don't hear me going: "It would be great to have a lesbian friend, so I know she wouldn't hit on me!"
"
- Me 
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Posted: 2004-10-03 16:16
