| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
Unibond
Joined: Jun 23, 2002
Posts: 70
From: Sunny Malta
PM |
A Nun's Confession
A nun went to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear a confession.
"Mother, today I experienced the pleasures of the flesh. Father
Saunders came to me and told me I had the gates to Heaven between my legs. He then told me he had the key to Heaven and put it in the gates."
"Why that lying ba***rd !" the Mother Superior screamed. "For years he
has told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I've been blowing it!"
[ This Message was edited by: Unibond on 2002-06-25 17:45 ] |
|
|
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
Only in America...
Jeff Green is a 32 year old American, in Arizona, whose wife passed away.
Due to the grief he suffered at her death, he did something totally out of character for a normal and sane person.
He said, "I could no longer take the pain that my wife's death caused me and so I brought her back home."
His wife, Lucy, was born with a heart condition that cut her life short at the young age of 29. Lucy's last words to Jeff were, "We will meet again in heaven.” but these words were of no consolation in Jeff's despair.
At the funeral, in an act of desperation, Jeff decided that he would not let Lucy leave him.
“I called the cemetery caretaker and explained my feelings." he said later, "I spoke with the authorities and got special permission to take my wife home with me. They thought it strange, but I was allowed to take her with me. I'd rather have her at home than six feet under ground. Lucy had a great sense of humour and I'm sure she would appreciate being my coffee table."
Jeff ordered a special hermetically sealed glass case that eliminates the decomposition of a dead body. "It cost me about $6,000.00, but it was worth it."
Some of his friends and relatives, filled with fear, stopped visiting him, but his true friends respected his decision and continue coming over.
Some even comment that it makes a nice piece of furniture
|
brownjs
Joined: May 03, 2002
Posts: 222
From: scotland
PM, WWW
|
that is shocking and scary ,weird what an idiot |
Eamonn
Joined: Nov 30, 2001
Posts: > 500
PM |
Is that a joke Mark?
|
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life
would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the
honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card
said nothing but: "Nescafe"! Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the
kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop". " Mom blushed, but was pleased for her
daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the
card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's
cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King
Size" She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole
month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the
words "British Airways" Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine,
flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for
BA.
The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways
|
brownjs
Joined: May 03, 2002
Posts: 222
From: scotland
PM, WWW
|
ha ha good joke in fact exellent mohorton |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
ejasim
Take them if you want
_________________
Mark
mark@cruisequest.co.uk
www.cruisequest.co.uk
[ This Message was edited by: mhorton on 2002-06-25 21:47 ] |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
69 Virgin
An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house of ill repute to experience his first sexual experience with a partner. He approached the madam and shyly asked if he could retain the services of one of her fine ladies. The Madam was happy to oblige and started to rattle off a list of services that could be purchased.... straight lovemaking, 69, bj etc. Except for the straight lovemaking he was unaware of what all of the other services mentioned were but was very curious. After she rattled off the menu the shy polite southern boy graciously asked for "that 69 thing" totally unaware what that might be.
The Madam charged the boy and directed him to the room where this wonderful act would take place. Upon entering the room the boy was immediately pleased by the sight of his purchase and she asked him to disrobe and join her on the bed.
As she was already naked, it seemed alright so he did as he was told and meekly joined her in bed and pulled the sheet over himself. Without warning the lady pulled off the sheet, flipped around and assumed the position.
Other than being shocked by the predicament he found himself in he was pleased at the sensation and shock soon turned to pleasure. Shortly after this started the lady let out ............well..........a small fart.
The boy immediately noticed and although it was unpleasant he quickly forgot about it and continued.
A short bit later the lady repeated this and again although it made him a bit sick to his stomach the rest of the activity was so pleasurable that he dismissed it.
About a minute passed and the boy was now very excited and enjoying his purchase very much when without warning the lady dropped ass again and this time it seemed, at least to the boy that it was getting much more vile and unbearable......so much so that he tapped the lady on the butt, signaling to stop and said in his most polite southern accent "Mamm, I appreciate what you are tryin to do for me and all, but I don't think I can stand 66 more of these"
|
brownjs
Joined: May 03, 2002
Posts: 222
From: scotland
PM, WWW
|
can i use these jokes for my website?
(under construction , no domain yet using micromedia software will be about different things including mobile phones) |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
whats the difference between michael jackson and a white plastic bag?
one's white, plastic and dangerous to children, and the other carries ur shopping
|
brownjs
Joined: May 03, 2002
Posts: 222
From: scotland
PM, WWW
|
great joke
can i use these for my website?
(under construction no domain) |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
Yeah I have no problem with that
|
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
Body Talk
This lady goes to the doctor for a check up.
When she gets home her husband asks, "So how did the appointment go?"
She replies, "He said, I have the body of a twenty year old.
Her husband says, "Oh yeah. and what did he have to say about your forty year old ass?"
She says, "Your name didn't come up."
|
orang3
Joined: Mar 28, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Never_never_Land
PM, WWW
|
Sex is like hacking. You get in, you get out, and you hope you didn't leave something behind that can be traced back to you |
Eamonn
Joined: Nov 30, 2001
Posts: > 500
PM |
I meant is that dead woman thing real or not...
|
|
|
Posted: 2002-06-25 18:44
