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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
PM |
Some guy knocked on my door today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."
I said, "You've got the wrong house then mate."
Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
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nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
PM |
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: > 500
PM |
Phone?? What phone?? |
fluke9
Joined: Oct 31, 2006
Posts: 461
From: Sarf Lundun UK
PM |
My uncle the bus driver died peacefully in his sleep today 
Unlike his passengers.
[ This Message was edited by: fluke9 on 2013-02-02 20:29 ] |
nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
PM |
My wife said "You never pay me any compliments anymore" " Well your beard is much nicer than mine " I replied.
Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: > 500
PM |
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushion,she would become Whoopi Cushion
Phone?? What phone?? |
pt020
Joined: Aug 14, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: Amsterdam NL
PM |
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alenn
Joined: Nov 07, 2010
Posts: > 500
From: Croatia,Zagreb
PM, WWW
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Do I sing with feelings?
Well, if you had any feelings, you wouldn't sing.
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dejav
Joined: Jan 27, 2014
Posts: 1
PM |
hahaha!!! i thought it was his d___..green minded huh |
strapsfaced
Joined: Jul 24, 2014
Posts: 1
PM |
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!" |
jj03
Joined: Oct 29, 2002
Posts: > 500
PM |
two parrots sat on a perch..one says to the other...can you smell fish...
i'll get my coat.. |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
My girlfriend doesn't trust me. I guess that's one thing she has in common with my wife.
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Opall
Joined: Dec 31, 2019
Posts: 11
From: UK
PM |
I don't know any jokes ( |
*Jojo*
Joined: Oct 15, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
. . at the end of the DAY, it gets . . . DARK. 
*He who LAUGHS last, did not get the . . . JOKE. 
[ This Message was edited by: *Jojo* on 2022-06-16 17:59 ] |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
On 2008-09-04 18:03:27, HornyNick wrote:
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn''t know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate''s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:
Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk''s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
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[ This Message was edited by: HornyNick on 2008-09-04 17:05 ]
Hilarious thread.
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Posted: 2013-02-02 18:53
