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Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: > 500
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Whilst having a furious w**k over Tulisa from the X factor,I was interrupted by an impatient Louis Walsh. "Will ye hurry up son,we haven't got all day". Now what song would you like to sing for us??
[ This Message was edited by: Bonovox on 2011-08-23 22:02 ] Phone?? What phone?? |
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ceaser2008
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Posts: > 500
From: Surat, India
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My Dear Husband
I am writing you letter to let you know that i am leaving you forever. From last 7 years, i had been your good wife and i didnt try to mock it.
Last two weeks were like a hell for me. Today your boss has called me and told that you have left the job. This news gave me the last shock. Last week, when you returned, you didnt even care to look at my new hair-style. I made your favourite dish for you but you have finished it in two minutes without a word. You didnt show your interest in my new silk dress and you just played your computer game and went to sleep. Now a days, you are not telling me that you love me. I think you dont want to continue our husband-wife relation. Either you are fooling me or you dont love me anymore. Whatever, i am leaving you.
Your Ex Wife
P.S. Dont try to find me. I am leaving for west virginia with your brother.
HUSBAND'S REPLY
My Dear Ex Wife
Your letter has really made my day.
It is truth that we had been married for last 7 years and it is also fact that you have no virtue of a good wife. Just because of your daily continuous fights, arguments and quarrels, i play more computer games. I did saw your new fresh hair-style but it seemed more of a 'Boy' type to me. My mother tought me that when there is nothing to praise, dont condemn. So i kept mum. While preparing my favourite dish for me, you messed it with my brother's favourite dish because i have already left eating pork dish for last 7 years. When i saw the price tag of 49.99 dollars on your new silk dress, i ran away. What a coincidence. My brother had just borrowed 50 dollars from me that morning.
Despite of all these, i loved you and believed that we will make a way out of this. Thats why, on winning the lottery of ten million dollars, i left the job and booked tickets on cruise to Jamaica for us. But when i returned home, you have already left. I believe what so ever is happening, is happening for good.
I hope that you get the satisfactory life which you have always wished. My lawyer told me that because of your letter, now you will not have even a cent from me.
Take Care
Your Rich and free Ex Husband.
P.S. I dont remember whether i have told you this or not but my brother, Karl was born as karla. I hope this doesnt matter to you.
[ This Message was edited by: ceaser2008 on 2011-09-02 09:20 ] |
Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: > 500
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That's harsh
Phone?? What phone?? |
Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: > 500
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Beer Prayer:
OUR LAGER WHICH ART IN BARRELS,
HALLOWED BE THY DRINK
THY WILL BE DRUNK
AT HOME AS IT IS IN PUBS
GIVE US THIS DAY OUR FOAMY HEADS
AND FORGIVE OUR SPILLAGES
AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO SPILL AGAINST US
AND LEAD US NOT INTO INCARCERATION
BUT DELIVER US FROM HANG OVERS
FOREVER AND EVER
BAR MEN
Phone?? What phone?? |
Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: > 500
PM |
Four Jamaicans were sitting around a camp fire near the beach. They were all philosophising on what was the fastest thing in the world. Seymour said, "Me tink de fasses ting is a thought,because b4 u can tink it, it already thought."
Winston said,"Nah,man,de fasses ting is a blink,cos b4 you tink 2 blink you dun blink already."
"Delroy said, "No man,da fasses thing is helectricity because when you turn on de lite,it travel fass & de lite come on.
Leroy said "Nah,man you aaaaaaaalllllll wrong man!! I know dat for a fact dat de fasses ting in de world is definite diarrhoea,cos las nite b4 I could tink,blink,or switch on de lite,me shit meself".
[ This Message was edited by: Bonovox on 2011-11-07 18:49 ] Phone?? What phone?? |
rikken
Joined: Feb 23, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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I played a football match against a bit of my furniture last night.
It was a drawer.
Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: > 500
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Phone?? What phone?? |
rikken
Joined: Feb 23, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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ceaser2008
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Posts: > 500
From: Surat, India
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Very well said bonovox.
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altemyr
Joined: Jan 21, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Stockholm, Sweden
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On 2011-07-19 23:40:53, Bonovox wrote:
Just after my wife had given birth,I asked the doctor "how soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"
He winked at me & said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes-meet me in the car park" 
After Michael Jackson had attended the birth of his son, he asked the doctor, "how soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?", and the doctor answered: "You will at least have to wait until he's two years old." |
AlexJumper
Joined: Jul 11, 2010
Posts: 232
From: Greece
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An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it at that. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I would like to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."
Some people think they can outsmart me... Maybe... Maybe...
I've yet to meet one that can outsmart a bullet... |
ceaser2008
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Posts: > 500
From: Surat, India
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Altemyr, nice one.
Alex,
I've just quit drinking
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goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
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I've just seen Michael J Fox at the garden centre. I knew it was him cos he had his back to the fuchsias.
BREAKING NEWS: The man trapped in the upholstery machine is now thought to be fully recovered.
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Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: > 500
PM |
In the last ten years we have lost
Johnny Cash
Steve Jobs
Bob Hope
Jimmy Saville
So now we have...............
No cash
No Jobs
No Hope
And no f**ker to fix it!!!!!!!
I just bought some of the 007 James Bond viagra
It makes you Roger Moore
Phone?? What phone?? |
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Posted: 2011-08-23 23:01
