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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
josch
Joined: Mar 25, 2002
Posts: 133
From: germany
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This is a good one.
> > A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of
> > his dad bouncing up and down.
> >
> > The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her
> > son has seen she dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees
> > his mom and asks, "What were you and dad doing?" The mother
> > replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I
> > have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
> >
> > You're wasting your time." says the boy. "When you go shopping the
> > lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right
> > back up." | |
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brownjs
Joined: May 03, 2002
Posts: 222
From: scotland
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great jokes
really good
hear is one (it is not htat funny)
What is the first thing a blond does when she wakes up?
scrooll down fort answer
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goes home |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
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Here are some conversations, which had actually
happened between help desk people and their customers:
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to right! -click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote'click'."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I received the software update you sent,but I am still getting
the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS W! ord setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer "No..."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?@#$ < mailto:?@#$ < mailto:%3F@%23$ > > ?
------------------------------------------! -----
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see
the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer: "How do you spell th! at?"
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)
Tech Support: "Well th! en we can't-"
Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'."
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now.
You need to-"
Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try
a few times, and it will let me through."
Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because
you're on the phone with me."
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I can't log in to my account."
Tech Support: "Ok, let's look at your configuration."
Customer: "Ok...but I know that my User ID is case sensitive."
Tech Support: "Yes it is. Ok, what does it say in the 'User ID'field?"
Customer: "Like I said, 'Case Sensitive'."
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
-------------------------------------------! ----
Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
----------------------------------------------
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I don't need any ! of that SQL stuff-I just want a database!"
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I have a long distance modem."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I don't have a space bar
That just about covers my first day....can only get better eh?
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Fahed_2000
Joined: Feb 12, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK - London
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The last one is a killer, i am goning to email it to my mates
Good Shit, Bad Shit, It's all Shit |
Fahed_2000
Joined: Feb 12, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK - London
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The last one is a killer, i am goning to email it to my mates
Good Shit, Bad Shit, It's all Shit |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
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evoke
Joined: Mar 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
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hehehe. I like the helpdesk quotes!
[addsig] |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
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They are good
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brownjs
Joined: May 03, 2002
Posts: 222
From: scotland
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last one is great come on tell us what happened on your second day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok, well now hear the guys' side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1." ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1.If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done... not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Drinking, Women, or Sports
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
1. I AM in shape. - ROUND is a shape
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mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
I have another one for you
___________________________________________________________
man goes into jewellers and starts scratching his arse like mad.
jeweller threatens to kick him out,
man says "but your sign says come in and pick you ring in comfort"
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mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
Books For Schools
Kids books that were rejected:
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Tony
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mum Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Granddad Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
16. Strangers Have the Best Sweets
17. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
18. You Were an Accident
19. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
20. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
21. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
22. Your Nightmares Are Real
23. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
24. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Miss Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
25. Places Where Mummy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
26. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
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lor
Joined: Mar 07, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Planet Bob
PM |
more more !!
[addsig] |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
You like then?, As soon as I get them I will post them
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lor
Joined: Mar 07, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Planet Bob
PM |
yeah man, i'm a pretty big joke collector meself 
[addsig] | |
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Posted: 2002-06-05 14:29
