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Saint Bill Gates has vowed to bannish spam! |
Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
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Just watched the news on TV, and our lord and saviour, his excellency Bill Gates has promised us all that he will rid the world of all forms of email spam AND computer viruses within two years.
It's a good job that our blessed Bill has the powers of a deity, otherwise some people might have laughed so hard that they spilt their cup of tea all over their PC keyboard and T610 upon hearing his excellency's latest prophecy. Not that I did, of course...
Oh and by the way, such heavenly powers apparently do not come without some form of material sacrifice, namely the price-hike that his excellency deems fit to impose upon his forthcoming foghorn leghorn 'operating systems' but that will be a small pennance indeed for our divine deliverence from the evil of offers for overnight delivery on Viagra, Penis Patches and the opportunity to make millions from home using just a low spec PC, four milk bottle tops and a bent coat hanger.
On your knees, retched sinners, and let us pray and give thanks to our lord and saviour, Bill 'I can do anything I want' Gates. Without him, we would be bestowed with excessive wealth and our PC's would function properly more often.
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Johnex
Joined: Nov 26, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Stockholm/Sweden
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Mega lol. :-D
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Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
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Well i'm sorry, but I couldn't help taking the p**s. What a rediculous claim, even by our Bill's standards 
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Johnex
Joined: Nov 26, 2002
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From: Stockholm/Sweden
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Yes indeed. Still funny though.
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bionrg
Joined: Dec 16, 2003
Posts: 118
From: NL
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what's even funnier, is our excellency is soon
being honored and will receive an honorary knighthood
for "services to global enterprise".
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2004/01/25/ngates25.xml&sSheet=/news/2004/01/25/ixnewstop.html |
Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
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Services to global enterprise? Good lord, I've heard it all now. Services to the salaries of pony-tailed MCSE graduates who charge several hundred pounds for sticking the Windows XP disk into your CD rom drive and clicking on the 'reinstall' button more like.
No seriously, maybe Billy-boy should get an award for services to Central Processing Units, since he has undoubtably prevented billions of CPU's from burning out due to the fact that his operating systems do not run for long enough to actually strain them in any way.
The thing that really made me laugh was that even one of Bill's OWN senior engineers openly stated that completely overcoming the problem of spam and viruses was a nigh-on impossible task, but still the Lord Gates wielded has staff of wrath upon HIS Internet (Tim Berners-Lee and Ray Tomlinson had nothing to do with it, by the way, It's all Bill's now) and dictated that it shall be so within two years.
I've got my eye on Linux as if you haven't guessed, one day it could just be a serious contendor 
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shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
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all hail our saviour Bill 
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
carlidude
Joined: Jan 10, 2004
Posts: 38
From: Ireland
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Well all he needs now is a song about him  |
Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
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To the tune of 'All things bright and beautifull':
All things unreliable,
On PC's great and small.
All things priced extortionate,
The Lord Gates made them all.
He gave us Word to write with,
Excel to spread our sheets.
Front-Page to make crap websites,
They crash within a week.
(repeat verse 1)
My registry is broken,
My desktop will not show.
How great, this bloody virus
That windows won't let go.
(repeat verse 1)
All exceptions are fatal,
All pages have a fault.
All hail, our mighty saviour,
'Control, Delete and Alt'.
(repeat verse 1, bang head on keyboard then drink heavily)
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Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
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too bad i don't know the melody
mac anybody?? 
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Caveman
Joined: Jan 15, 2003
Posts: 168
From: Cambridge, UK
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As snow has been forecast for the UK, I might need a mac
[addsig] |
axxxr
Joined: Mar 21, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Londinium
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Lets Hope one Day Apple Macs will reign Supreme !!
[addsig] |
Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
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midi file of the music:
http://www.tagnet.org/digitalhymnal/en/midi/dh093fv.mid
Not the best rendition, but with practice you'll be able to sing along with it
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Jim
Joined: Jan 20, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Belgium
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This may indicate that Palladium will be real |
ShawO
Joined: Jun 09, 2002
Posts: 248
From:
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well i'll be damned...
i nvr knew tht "kill bill vol.4" was already in the making
Beauty is in the eyes of the beerholder |
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Posted: 2004-01-25 18:52
