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Despair. Need advice. |
nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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I am a 41 year old male who works hard and has been married for 16 years I have 2 daughters one 9 and the other 8. My Wife (J) was/is my first real love and the first woman i slept with at the age of 22. Sunday just gone my wife told me she didn't love me anymore and wanted us to part, she said she loves me but isn't in love with me, this is how she feels at the minute and she needed some time away from me. I am a loyal person and always try to help everyone around me sometimes to my own disadvantage. I went to the pub did the normal man thing drunk too much and came home had a dispute throw some furniture and pushed my wife. On Monday I went to work and this played on my mind so I booked the rest of the week of work off and again stupidly went to the pub she works in and had another dispute and although I didn't physically touch her I was verbally abusive. Tuesday Morning I moved out of our house and went to my Mums where I stayed until the afternoon when i returned to visit my Daughters. Throughout all of the arguments my daughters were staying at my Mother in laws and although they know of the parting they know no other details.
Throughout our marriage we have hardly ever rowed. Since we parted I have rung and texted her asking for a second chance.
On Wednesday I woke in the morning feeling really upset I have told her the last time I felt this bad was when my Dad(Who was my Best friend) died 8 years ago. I went to the police station to report a "Domestic incident" I told the Pc everything and told her of witness's who could be contacted including my wife, she phoned her and I was informed my wife didn't want to press charges and that nothing happened. I left the Police station still upset and now even lower.
I walked the 3 miles or so towards my Mums house and en-route bought 2 boxes of Anadin Extra 32 tablets in total and a bottle of Cherry lucozade I found a quite spot and drunk the lucozade containing the pills I walked around the area my Mum lives in looking at places I remember from my childhood and visiting my childhood home as well as my Dads last Flat. I ended up outside my Primary school and just sat there.
I told J what I had done I didn't want to tell her really and it was nearly 2 hours after taking the pills that I finally did, mainly because I saw kids playing in a park and my mind was distracted from talking to her and it slipped out.
Police an Ambulance and close friends came to get me and took me to hospital and I was tested and released as being ok.
Later that evening I was assessed by a Psychiatrist and let go home although I will have the crisis team call me every now and then for a chat to see if I am ok.
Since the overdose I am still apart from my wife I don't know if it's harmed our chances of getting back together if there was any in the first place, but my Daughters are different towards me not that I think my wife has told them to be as I know she wouldn't.
As I write this I am away for the weekend with my Daughters in Dymchurch My eldest has always been a "Daddy's Girl" and she is distant hardly any Kisses and Cuddles which isn't the norm.
My friends have told me to just walk away but I don't want to I still love my wife very very much and would do anything for her she is a brilliant Mum to our Daughters and I want us to try again.
Due to my work which is scaffolding I am tired and tend to do not a lot out of work which is my fault she says she is bored and we have grown apart.
Probably for the first time in my life I really don't know what to do. I really want a second chance and prove I can be a good husband and Dad
I have no More feelings about ending my life as I obviously want a second chance and also want to be a father to my Daughters
Thanks
[ This Message was edited by: tranced on 2011-08-08 21:08 ] Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
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hihihans
Joined: Mar 15, 2009
Posts: > 500
From: Netherlands
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Try to take things easy. Don't rush anything.
The only thing you can do is to stay calm.
Best of luck mate.
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streetgang
Joined: Aug 02, 2005
Posts: 160
From: England
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You dont have to prove anything to anyone mate, seriously, after 16yrs and kids and all that comes with it you have time and again "proved" yourself.
My wife of Xyrs left me with 6 kids some years back and despite a few "trials" and "lets work this out" times she left again last June, now have 7 kids (6 at home, youngest is 10 and eldest now expecting;-) )
Believe me when i say it has its moments, i am on anti-depressants and have had councilling (it helps), the thing is tho is that the kids wont stay with her although they visit and stay over at weekends etc, theres no more fighting as its pointless this far down the line BUT you are at the start of what will be a very stressfull time (wont beat about the bush here and tell you all will be fine, lets call a spade a spade)
Try to stop appointing blame, especially on yourself, she has made the decision and announced how she feels, its that that wont sink in, wont for a while, maybe it never will. How strongly you feel about her, your kids, your family is not a switch that you can just flick off! anyone who tell you otherwise is a bloody fool. You will be surrounded by people who think they have the best advice............they dont, the choices now are yours and yours alone, thats the hard part and does not get any easier, although over time things can become a little clearer.
Not wanting to sound like "been there and got the t-shirt" but talking to someone really helps, someone with no direct connection to you or family is better. PM me your mobile number/email if you want, would be happy to chat
Phil
http://pbrstreetgangsrandomstuff.blogspot.com/
streetgang (+24, -0) |
hihihans
Joined: Mar 15, 2009
Posts: > 500
From: Netherlands
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pm him. It is always good to talk to someone.
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tranced
Joined: Jan 19, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: Santo Domingo, wonDeRland
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Hello mate!
It's so sad to see these things happening. Specially when it happens to people you know. Even when they are online's.
I'm glad to see you are not thinking about OD again. You know your girls need you and I'm sure you don't want to hurt them. Surely life will give you a chance to be loved again, either by J or someone else. In conclusion, chin up to this moment of your life.
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ceaser2008
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Posts: > 500
From: Surat, India
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Its so sad to hear that mate.  My only advice to you is Life is precious. Never end it like that. Just think if you realised your wife about your feeling after your death, whats the point. You will not be there to enjoy.
PM him. He will certainly console your heart. But always listen to your mind. 
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nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
PM |
Thanks everyone for your replies. I just feel so lost, apart from the obvious emotional upset I just don't feel like I belong anywhere, and the as the feelings for my wife are on going I cant get any closure. I want her to give me a second chance I still love her Very much and will always will.
I have started writing a diary which is helping and although my wife understands the upset on my part I would like to read it one day, Not because I bear any Malious but just so she can see it from my point of view.
I have been away for the weekend with my Daughters, this was a bad idea the atmosphere has been strained at times and my Daughters are different to me. Yesterday was very emotional with my eldest begging me to let her live with me which isn't practical because of my work and obviously I don't want the girls to part.....
She said she needs some time to think all I can hope is she will think truly and give me another chance.
Before my Outburst this week I am not a violent person I dont hit people women especially. I know this makes it no better.
Thanks
Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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Just thought I'd mention I have been emailing streetgang and he always has a sensible and structured response, although it's still early days in my situation I am still hopefull....
Thanks streetgang for all your replies....
Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
hihihans
Joined: Mar 15, 2009
Posts: > 500
From: Netherlands
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Nothing I can do. Not even some wise words. I just want you to know you have my support.
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tranced
Joined: Jan 19, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: Santo Domingo, wonDeRland
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And mine
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ceaser2008
Joined: Jul 14, 2008
Posts: > 500
From: Surat, India
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You have mine support as well.
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nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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Thanks everyone......
Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
razec
Joined: Aug 20, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: Pearl of the Orient Seas
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So how are you now? (honestly worried after reading your story ) i have a brother that i almost lost 3 years ago due to severe depression, now he has a family as his very strength
[ This Message was edited by: razec on 2011-08-08 05:45 ] ~19 years at Esato |
Miss UK
Joined: Jan 11, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
Hi Nic,
Give her some space maybe its Menopause or
Something, saying that though did you both go out together Dinners,
Spending time together is essential in making relationships last.
If you go to work watch tv eat n go.bed each night
Then it does sound boring.
Not having a pop at you but ur wife maybe bored for other reasons
Anyway have a break she will contact you when shes ready.
An "Apple" a day keeps the Doctor at Bay! |
nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
PM |
Thanks again everyone for your kind comments. we are getting on as "Friends" but she tells me there is a chance she will change her mind she just can't say for sure or when..... But I am prepared to wait..... I am back to work and have been for a few weeks... It's difficult I work as a Scaffolder and although I am trying to give my work my undivided attention she is on my mind 24/7. I see My daughters 4/5 times a week and although they were different to me initially they are back to their old selves now.....
Throughout our circle of friends not one person has come forward and said they saw this coming..... Everyone is surprised.
My Wife is the love of my life always has been and always will be.......
My state of mind Is fine now My circle of friends have been excellent and people who found out who I know on Twitter have also been Brilliant.
Last of all a special thank you to Streetgang he contacted me just after the first post and we have exchanged Numerous emails and his advice has helped me a lot....
Thanks......
Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
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Posted: 2011-07-31 22:54
jay0726 | 
