Forum > Regional > Asia Pacific > PIRACY

Posted: 2009-04-21 17:55

This is London: how
can pirates be stopped?

Nine easy ways to defeat the pirates. Why nine? well, it's a special number. if you multiply nine with any
number except zero and add each result numbers, the final result will always be nine - also known as
Jangkrik's Nine Rules!, JNR!, for instance: 9 * 3 = 27, 2 + 7 = 9, or 9 * 9 = 81, 8 + 1 = 9, but 9 * 0 = 0.
this raises another question: which one is more special, zero or nine. as far as real life is concerned, zero
is special if and only if it's preceded by another number, say, 1,000,000 in your bank account - so I can see
why some people favoured nine: it's a self-referencing number, as do those living under its influence.
but who cares?

OK, enough for the numerous malarkey. Nine ways to defeat the pirates - particularly in the Horn
of Africa:

1. join MPAA/RIAA anti piracy campaign. these dudes can hire good lawyers and hunt people not
   under their jurisdiction.


2. use DRM. although you're captured, the pirates can't use you on their machines.


3. hire Peter Pan of Neverland. we ain't dealing with Captain James Hook, are we? or have a BBC
   correspondent to spread the word -of course, the fake one- about viking's treasure hid far north in
   the Arctic isles. Somalis are dessert guys, if they try to go there, they'll die in cold, mwahaha...


4. Jim Random Hacker says: promote the use of free, open source software. or join communist camp
   where private property is annihilated - no private property means nothing to be pirated, no?


5. ask Bill Clinton. he has references of how to deal with Somalis. he failed. history repeats
   itself? dad's revenge paid by son, husband's failure paid by wife. mind you, we're in the 21st
   century, not medieval age.


6. play the game 'Delta Force: Black Hawk Down', but of course the Somalis ain't that stupid


7. I've been told that democrats are Jesus, even if they knew the sun rises in east, they'll sit and
   try to negotiate; while republicans are Jehova: if somebody smites your left cheek once, punch his
   nose twice as much so he wouldn't do that again. be whatever you are now. either be Jesus or Jehova,
   you're god. the world is not in a position to question their patron saint (secretary of god).


8. piracy is a long-time issue in Malacca strait, but never a big one. it depends
   on our take on the problem - to be more precise, on whose interest.


9. Somalia is (probably?) taken from the Arab word shimal (north). so we need to take
   into account janub (south), garb (west), or sharq (east). what the heck is this?
   a geography class?

seesh. it seems that piracy is no good for now. better keep it for the next Jehova. if you want
my vote in the next election, focus on environmental issues, or fighting poverty and diseases,
or serve a better internet connection for all of us.

by the way, if you don't believe either in Jesus or Jehova, there's another J with the same
capability, or even better: J-A-N-G-K-R-I-K.

this is Jangkrik, baby.