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Am I being funny, or *is* he being a *bit* weird |
ÈL ® ö B ì Ñ
Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 281
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We have a family friend, he came to florida with us a few years back and we all had a great time.
He comes round every few weeks to watch tv with us and chat and catch up etc.
He's around 55 years old and he is gay.
Now, he is very very nice, always been a really nice guy, I've helped him many times with his computer when it's gone wrong, and a few weeks back, he said he wanted to take me out to the cinema to see a film and go for a meal to say thankyou and he was paying for everything which I thought was very kind of him and I had a great time and really appreciated it.
However, 2 days later, he some how gets my MSN address and adds me, I didn't ask where, I just said Hi when he added me.
Some of the stuff he said made me feel a *bit* uncomfortable, it just came across as a bit weird, now I'm not homofobic AT ALL, he's a great guy and we've been friends since I was a baby, but I showed my mum and she thought it came across as a small bit odd, I'm going to quote his messages and then ask that this post be deleted in a few days so google can't keep it under my username or anything.
Talking about sending me a disney DVD the other week:
"That's OK then, I almost had one sent to you as I think I can class you as a "friend"! You might have had two!"
Me:
"Yer deffinatly would have taken you up on that offer if it hadn't come through, still waiting for the universal dvd though"
Him:
"Shame about delay on universal dvd maybe they come from States. Still thinking about our trip to Norwich. Dark Knight beginning to make more sense, it takes a while for things to sink in with me! But I must say what good company you were I really enjoyed chatting with you, please can we do something similar soon?"
Then I said I had a great time, thank you etc, he replied with:
"Oh I am pleased, I wondered if you might feel a bit odd spending time with a fat old gay guy who is older than your parents!"
Me:
"Nono not at all, I had a great time, I'm glad we done it....I don't think anyone is older then my mum lol "
then I said night and went offline.
Didn't sign in for a week and he sent me this offline message:
"sent 02/08/2008 09:49:
Sat morn 2nd Aug Hi Rob how are you? I fancy a trip to Lowestoft this morning if you pick up this message in time would you like to meet up? Can you get over to Next for midday and help me choose some socks! We must make firm plans to see another film,I'd love to see Wall-E can't wait for it to come to Marina. Also must exchange mobile numbers **** send me a message. Hope to see you later "
We've been out together alone once to see a film, and that's because he wanted to thank me for helping him....But now he wants me to come shopping with him? I know he's probably joking about the socks, but I'm not sure if he is.
I reply saying yer kool we'll have to do something again, he replies with:
"This is really weird . I was just thinking about you and was about to send an e mail and you signed in!"
Now, I don't have any friends, so is this me just not used to others being so friendly....or is it *slightly* odd, remember I'm 20, he's over 55, I'm straight, he's gay...and we've not done much before, yet he wants my number and he was thinking of me, and wanted to go sock shopping with me?
Last message tonight so far (im talking to him now):
" I had to buy my socks on my own in Next! I kept looking out for you now we can text"
Would any of you take these messages as a little weird?
I always felt perfectly fine around him, now I'm not to sure about meeting up because I feel slightly uncomfortable with the way he's acting, which I find really sad.
let me know what you think as I'm going to ask a mod to delete this soon as it would upset him greatly if he was to ever see this.
Thanks
Edit:
"It took me ages to understand what LOL meant I'd seen it used and assumed it meant "lots of love".I though you were getting a bit personal by using it! Does it mean lots of laughs? What clothes did you get?"
Hmmmmm (wishful thinking?)
Deary me lol
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[ This Message was edited by: ÈL ® ö B ì Ñ on 2008-08-05 23:47 ] | |
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se_p800
Joined: Jan 07, 2004
Posts: 273
From: England
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Be afraid! Be very afraid! Only joking. Well im going to be honest, im not a homophobe, I think he is just being nice. Gay people are well known for their good mood and friendliness, and the way he talks to you is a way I would talk to one of my female friends. If you are concerned that he may have "feelings" for you (which is what I picked up from this thread) you should do your best to pick up any signs of this as you do not want to lead him on. So far it just sounds as tough hes being friendly thouggh, maybe a tad over friendly, but friendly non the less.
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Muhammad-Oli
Joined: Jun 13, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: The NZ of L
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I agree with se_p800. The man is just being very friendly like gay people often are. Maybe a little too friendly, so you should still keep an eye on him, but just don't worry too much.
I would say only start worrying if he gets really really obvious, which hasn't happened so far so its all good. If he does start going in the wrong direction, just tell him straight away to stop.
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Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
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Does seem a little funny to me though. Guess its difficult to work out weather he is just being friendly or otherwise. And being friends for so long it might be difficult to tell him if he has ideas in his head. It does kind of sound as if he is getting the idea that you love being round him and he might be getting his hopes up. Does he know your not gay? Surely he does after all them years. Its hard to say really. |
ÈL ® ö B ì Ñ
Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 281
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Yes that's exactly my problem, he really is friendly....but the thing is, where is the line between really friendly and a bit ott?
I mean I'm still talking to him now, some of the comments he's making are a bit odd.
People keep saying I've lost too much weight and need to stop, but they don't understand that I'm not starving myself or doing anything bad, I just don't snack, eat right and exercise....look at the comments he's making about my weight loss such as a sexy body, and he mentions about hugging me:
"Thanks for the info must try and remember! I expect you've got lots of clothes too big for you now you have got new sexy slim bod! I always enjoy a trip to Norwich shops more choice than Lowestoft we must go soon"
(we decide to go sat)
"Would you like to go on Sat ? I've got no plans at moment would enjoy your company"
last comment:
"That's great can't wait. While on subject of your lovely bod, both Louise and Suzie said you had lost too much weight, I disagreed as I thought you looked hot, but was surprised to feel your shoulder blade and bones on your shoulder when I gave you a hug. Please promise me you will not lose any more
Actually, this is the last comment:
"Glad to hear that. I love you mate, don't want to see you wasteing away lol."
I think he kinda senses I'm being off with him, so he has put "mate" there, still, anyone who makes a comment about hugging you 2 weeks after they do it and say you have a sexy slim body, is going to make most feel uncomfortable.
So do you still think he is just being overly friendly?
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ÈL ® ö B ì Ñ
Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 281
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On 2008-08-06 01:14:00, Bonovox wrote:
Does seem a little funny to me though. Guess its difficult to work out weather he is just being friendly or otherwise. And being friends for so long it might be difficult to tell him if he has ideas in his head. It does kind of sound as if he is getting the idea that you love being round him and he might be getting his hopes up. Does he know your not gay? Surely he does after all them years. Its hard to say really.
I hope so, I don't think I act gay lol, infact I know I don't 
But that's what I mean, I've known him for so long it's difficult to say anything, and if I tell my mum, I know she's going to have a word with him, and he'll never trust me again as he'll think I blab everything he says...which actually I guess is more then true at the moment lol, but only because I feel uncomfortable.
I said I have to go, he said:
"Yes I was about to go Very busy at work at Southwold this week. Give you a text or call nearer Sat. You are my sexy guy see you very soon Luv Peter"
Hmm...I might just see what my mum thinks
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Muhammad-Oli
Joined: Jun 13, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: The NZ of L
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Ok if hes calling you sexy, that's going too far in my opinion. I'm sure your mother wouldn't like him saying that...
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weirdwilli
Joined: Mar 30, 2008
Posts: 415
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WOOOOO NORWICH!
I live there!
Sorry...  |
se_p800
Joined: Jan 07, 2004
Posts: 273
From: England
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Sorry i think you need to tell him you feel uncomfortable. If he's calling you "sexy" numerous times thats more than just being friendly.
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Sammy_boy
Joined: Mar 31, 2004
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From: Staffordshire, United Kingdom
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It does sound like he's crossing the line a bit - maybe stay friends with him as it sounds like you're fairly close to him, just make it clear to him that you're straight, only interested in him as a friend and absolutely nothing more.
Might be worth mentioning to him as well you feel a bit uncomfortable with him describing you as 'sexy', make sure boudaries are set and adhered to, if this guy starts becoming inappropriate towards you warn him that your friendship is at stake and to behave himself or you won't see him again, sock shopping or otherwise!
"All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing" - Edmund Burke
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ÈL ® ö B ì Ñ
Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 281
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Oops, I said to her I've been talking to Peter and we're off to Norwich on sat, "ahh great" she said.
I then expressed a few of my concerns and told her some of the things he's said, and she was lost for words, very angry and said I'm not going and she's going to have a word with him, but I explained that if she did, things would forever be akward between us all every time he came round, so lets leave it for now because he's a good friend and I wouldn't want to ruin anything.
Actually, scrap that my mum just came up and read it all and she's really really upset by this.
She said if someone his age, and such a good family friend done this to eryn, she'd flip (oh, shes my sister)...so she feels the same way with me.
Just as she was reading it, he sent me this comment:
*** is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to Accept (Alt+C) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
*** has canceled the invitation to start sending webcam.
Me:
have you got a webcam then
Him:
Yes I have for your information so there! I was just playing with all the buttons before i logged out. We can have a play with webcam next time. Now go to bed or do I have to come round there and smack that sexy slim bum of yours?! lol
My mum's face just dropped when she saw that, and we've been talking about it, neither of us are sure what to do, he's been a great friend for nearly 20 years, and he goes and does this?
I'm upset myself now and my mum looked like she wanted to cry, because he has been such a good friend, we were even going to florida again with him in 2010, but she said that's off.
Damn why would he do this.
I'm 20 and he's 55-60.....and he's a family friend ffs.
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EDIT:
On 2008-08-06 01:34:39, Sammy_boy wrote:
It does sound like he's crossing the line a bit - maybe stay friends with him as it sounds like you're fairly close to him, just make it clear to him that you're straight, only interested in him as a friend and absolutely nothing more.
Might be worth mentioning to him as well you feel a bit uncomfortable with him describing you as 'sexy', make sure boudaries are set and adhered to, if this guy starts becoming inappropriate towards you warn him that your friendship is at stake and to behave himself or you won't see him again, sock shopping or otherwise!
yer my mum said maybe invent a girlfriend and say I can't go Saturday because I'm taking her out.
I'm tempted to just leave it as is and see what he does on webcam and then if he just waves fair enough, if he does anything else then I know that we can no longer be friends.
But to be honest, I don't think I could ever let him hug me etc again (he used to in a friendly way)...but I;m not so sure now.
A gay guy says "Do i have to come round and smack your sexy slim bum"?
Sorry, but wtf
[ This Message was edited by: ÈL ® ö B ì Ñ on 2008-08-06 00:42 ] |
Bonovox
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
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Ok i work in a hotel and there are quite a few gay people who work there. I notice that the way they act is sometimes ott in a sense that jokingly they may call anyone sexy as their way of being friendly in a fun sense. I noticed that before. Or he could really mean it. If you think about it i would not say that to a woman who i did not fancy would i. And him saying that to someone who is not gay can be a bit scary. Just gotta make it clear to him if you think its going to go too far with his comments. Keep watching his comments. I would get worried when its sugestive comments. |
ÈL ® ö B ì Ñ
Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 281
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The few comments he made about my body IMO were too far mate, it means he's noticed my body/checked me out, which friends just don't do.
And this one just tipped it way to far ""Do i have to come round and smack your sexy slim bum"? "
I honestly can't believe it, I'm not sure wether to keep talking to him and see what he does next, and go to norwich to see what he does.
Just to make a million % sure.
But I mean, I know he's going to far...I just don't really want to think it because he's such a good friend and it would ruin loads, Also our friends would see him differently too.
There's like a group, mum, woman friend 1 and 2 and him, and he's the godfather to one of the ladies 2 girls who are 13 and 11.
If my mum told them, because they have known me since I was a baby too, I think that they would all be funny with him and think he's a bit sick or something, and I don't want that to happen to him.
Problem is, I don't discuss things with anyone, I just sulk or overlook...but my mum wants me to tell him how his comments are making me feel, but I'd never have the courage to tell someone, especially someone who has always been so kind.
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pmerryman
Joined: Jun 02, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Oldham,Uk
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Sammy Boy has nailed it on the head.
Tell him you like him as a friend, but you feel very un-comfortable with some of his comments, and make him aware that your as straight as they come.
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Muhammad-Oli
Joined: Jun 13, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: The NZ of L
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Start going on about boobs, beer, rugby and steak pies. That'll get him. 
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Posted: 2008-08-06 00:45
