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The Almighty Chuck Norris |
Glenny
Joined: Feb 26, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: Mars
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www.chucknorrisfacts.com  all of em are funny, my friend just told me about this... Thought id share it, heres a few sample ones:
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a nice Indian.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
i think there so funny!
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maddav
Joined: Dec 01, 2002
Posts: 356
From: Nottingham, UK
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Chuck Norris facts are the best!
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Glenny
Joined: Feb 26, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: Mars
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whoops, just spotted the swearing in it... my bad
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Rocky B.
Joined: Jan 15, 2005
Posts: 357
From: Leicester, England
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Why is everyone so fascinated by flipping Chuck Norris?
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Glenny
Joined: Feb 26, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: Mars
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to be honest i have no idea who he is, they just sounded funny
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methylated_spirit
Joined: Jul 07, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Bonnie Scotland
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Chuck Norris is Hollywoods premier ginger martial arts expert, an auburn lethal weapon with fists for brains and a wit as keen as a marble.
Hello, Scroto!
U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly! |
Davo_169
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: perth/thredbo
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hes the best
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Gigs
Joined: Jan 19, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: The planet Snibertron!
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f'n chuck norris!  |
JK
Joined: Feb 24, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: S. Africa - JOZI
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And then came...
Mr T!!! 
1. Mr. T can hit you so hard that he has time to pity you 3 times before you hit the ground.
2. Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
3. Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in
the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
4. Twent three. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
5. When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk
gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
6. Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of
his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold.
Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.
7. Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a
late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was.
8. When Mr. T arrived in Pittsburg, he renamed it Pitysburg. When Mr. T
arrived in Secaucus, he renamed it Baracus. And when Mr. T arrived in Delaware, he threw it into the Atlantic Ocean.
9. When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.
10. Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only
after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.
11. There is an 11th commandment, edited out of the Bible, that says "None of
the above applies to Mr. T."
12. Mr. T holds the copyright on the letter "T." Every time the letter appears
in print, Mr. T receives a check in the mail for $13.50.
13. If Mr. T and Chuck Norris were to meet in a cage match, every child in
Asia would die.
14. Mr. T was the first man on the moon, and claimed it by carving a gigantic
"T" stretching from horizon to horizon. In his wisdom, he carved it on the dark side, as a warning to any aliens who might even think of attacking.
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methylated_spirit
Joined: Jul 07, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Bonnie Scotland
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ah pity the foo' that try to make me get on that plane, foo'
Ainsley harriott dressed as Mr T? "Ah love it when a flan comes together!"
Hello, Scroto!
U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly! |
methylated_spirit
Joined: Jul 07, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Bonnie Scotland
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Take the Chuck Norris diet! Eat hot dogs!
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2006-02-03 09:18 ] |
Glenny
Joined: Feb 26, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: Mars
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for 786:
what happens when chuck norris and mr T walk into a building at the same time? the building explodes cos no building can hold that much awesomeness (wow my thread came alive again)
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gola
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: South Africa
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Posted: 2006-01-29 16:39
