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Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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 that's another oldie-but-goodie
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Sjemboll
Joined: Oct 14, 2002
Posts: 7
From: The Netherlands
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***** The First Time *****
The sky was blue, the moon was high
We were close, she and I
Her hair was soft, her eyes were blue
I knew just what she wanted to do
I didn’t know how, I did my best
Placing my hands upon her breast
I trembled with fear, my fast beating heart
As she slowly spread her legs apart
At last I was finished, it’s all over now
My first experience with milking a cow
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Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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Jowi
Joined: Feb 21, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Pilipinas
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The following is an actual question given on a
Cambridge University chemistry exam. The answer by one
student was so "profound" that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as
well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law,
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is
compressed) or some variant. One student, however,
wrote the following answer:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate that
souls are moving into Hell and the rate they
are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are ! leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there are more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and
death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities:
* If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
* If Hell is expanding ! at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me
by Teresa during my first year, "...that it will be a
cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
into account the fact that I still have not succeeded
in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic
and will not freeze. |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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that's brilliant! the guy/girl deserves a medal!
_________________
Mornin.
[ This Message was edited by: Eleventy7 on 2003-07-05 11:32 ] |
Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
gigolo (",)
Joined: Jul 27, 2002
Posts: 21
From: MY MOTHERS WOMB
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@jowi
nice one
hAvE fAiTh!!! |
JwY
Joined: Dec 03, 2002
Posts: 500
From: Canada GTA
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haha that's golden!
rebirth. |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe, and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him."Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, and all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled,
"White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
________________________________________________________
Four retired guys are walking down a street in Milwaukee. Then they turn
a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar " ..." ALL DRINKS 10
CENTS !". They look at each other, then go in.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on
in and let me pour one for you, what'll it be,
Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask
for a martini.
In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis -- and says,
"That'll be 10 cents each, please." They can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again
saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their
curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and
so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the
bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a
dime apiece?"
"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always
wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and
decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor,
beer, all the same."
"Wow. That's quite a story" says one of the men. The four of them sipped
at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the
end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't
ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and
asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "They're
from Florida, they're waiting for happy hour."
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shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
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u da man eleventy7
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
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WHAT WOMEN WANT!
=================
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question: What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the priests, the wise men, the court jester.
He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, only she would know the answer.
The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant
creature.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden. Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very
uncomfortable. The honeymoon hour approached. Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him!
The astounded Gawain asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the time, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day, and which during the night? What a cruel question! Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments?
What would you do?
What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read it until you've made your own choice.
Make YOUR choice BEFORE you read Gawain's answer!
Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
life.
What is the moral of this story?
The moral is:
If your woman doesn't get her own way, things are going to get ugly.
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
ShawO
Joined: Jun 09, 2002
Posts: 248
From:
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tht 1 surely is an oldie but goodie
but nvr looked at it from a joke point of view 
Beauty is in the eyes of the beerholder |
Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
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you thought it was the most important lesson in life, ShawO?
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ShawO
Joined: Jun 09, 2002
Posts: 248
From:
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nah... actually more of like the meaningless ramblings of some1 who has too much time on hand
kiddin
i actually found it quite meaningful
Beauty is in the eyes of the beerholder |
cyanx7
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 228
From: Porto, Portugal
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ditto. gawain's answer was the only one... | |
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Posted: 2003-07-04 14:36
