| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
PM, WWW
|
know you can post... 
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro | |
|
Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
PM, WWW
|
 This is a JOKE thread!!!!!!!!!! so let's joke!
A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?"
The desk clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?"
The person says, " Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."
|
Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
PM, WWW
|
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Jowi
Joined: Feb 21, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Pilipinas
PM, WWW
|
VERY FUNNY!
Read on... this is both informative and VERY FUNNY!!!
Ladies, no pun intended.
"VAGINITIS"QUERIES IN THE FEMINA MAGAZINE
These letters came in response to an advert in a South African woman's
magazine called Femina. All of the extracts are from people whose first (or second) language is NOT English and who live a very rural existence.
Back in 1985, SA Femina Magazine ran an advertisement for Nelex, a
medicine for the treatment of a vaginal infection known as Vaginitis.
The ad prompted hundreds of letters from sufferers countrywide, most of
them from women who were clearly unsure as to what exactly was wrong with them.
The letters were collected by the advertising agency that created the
Femina ad who swear that every single one of them is genuine.
Herewith extracts from some of the most hilarious:
1. My interesting language is English, so you better send me an English
copy of your vaginitis.
2. Please send me the following symptoms: itching, discharge,
unpleasant smell. I am one of those with a virginal problem. I will be very
grateful if my disease were acceptable.
3. Dear sirs, greetings as patient to you, but I have not got enough
time to express my sickness over this paper. I want to come by myself to confess my sickness to you after I use this Nelex. The trouble is my
vaginitis and that I'm so ugly.
4. How can I get vaginal infection? Most chemists cannot help.
5. Is vaginitis normal, or does it occur by mistakes like having sex?
My husband is not happy with the behaviour of my vagina at bedtime.
6. Please send me more information about these vaginal erections. My
symptoms are some of the ones you didn't mention, so please send me another medicine. Every boyfriend left me and made another girl pregnant, so maybe you can help me. With modern life of anonymous infection, I have found your vaginal infection very handy and unavoidable. I tried Dettol, Omo (a washing powder) and also pure brandy. All in vain. My problem is itching, burning pain after intercourse when the weather is cold or foggy.
7. I am a young lady of 1963. Will you please send me more news about
my virginia pains during intercourse, even when I'm not having intercourse
at. I use to have sex eight to ten times a day. Now I am very dry. I went
to the hospital and they told me I have too much sex. Maybe I should move to Durban for the humidity.
8. I am a girl of 21 years of edge. Can you help me with Virginial
infractions? Last night the virginial infections suddenly attacked me. What do you want me to do?
9. Please send me Nelex. I am so sick I will even pay for it. My
virginia is wide open, but I only slept with my husband alone, but he says
I am a bitch. I slept with many men. Can you close my virginia for me?
10. I really want a baby, but I don't want to be pregnant. The first
time noticed vaginal infection was in your advert. My vargin is beginning
to irritate me. I scream at it sometimes but it doesnt help. Sometimes my anus produces an unpleasant smell. Please send my letter back so I can remember what I have written.
11. Please advertise more so that I can remember that I have an
infection. I stopped having sexual intercourse with my husband, but he
hasn't stopped with me. My problem is I feel itching even when my husband romances me with his erection. I have never told anyone about my symptoms, now I see them publicly advertised.
12. I am 42 years old, but the infections started when I was much older
and please reply as soon as it is convenient for me. I have pain during sex and also during intercourse. My virgin is badly leaking. Does Nelex work like a cork?
13. When I was 13 I spray my vagina with Airoma room freshener, now I
am 18 and I need your help. Please send any good and large information to my suffering vagina.
14. According to symptoms advertised, I have discovered four of them in
my promised one. She urges me so help me to help her. My new address is (address supplied) but please send your reply to my old address.Can I get vaginal infection without prescription?
15. Nelex the effective treatment, is it also effective in Zimbabwe. My
husband does not know where I live, so we never have sex. I have never had sex, but I have this virginity problem. The bath water must have infected me, although I swear nobody bathed after me in the same water.
16. I have re-organised my virginia recently. It s easy to know when I
have vaginitis, but how do I know when I do not have vaginitis?
17. How are you at that side or Randburg? I hail to you with my wife's
vaginal infection from Zimbabwe but I know that some people order the thing without knowing them of seeing in other words they order them for nothing without using them.
18. I am 20 years old and will be 21 sooner than expected. I cannot
tell my mother about it: she has no vagina.The last time I looked for my
vaginitis I could not find it anywhere.
19. My vagina was discharged recently.
20. My vagina is deceased.
21. I am a doll of 19 and I want to introduce my itchy vagina to you. I
hope you are in a favourable condition for my vaginitis. I have this
virginity disease. I hope my letter arrives at tea time so you can study it
better. I don't know if the smell really comes from my vagina. My nose
cannot reach it properly. But I promise, my body also has some healthy parts.
22. How are you sir? I am very well, but I am also a very sick girl.
Thank you for telling us how to avoid burning and itching virgins.
23. I live very far away, and therefore wander if my letter will reach
you. I am not an ignorant girl, but how can I be sure? Please rescue my
vaginal cavity from attack, sir, and send me this infection quickly. This
Nelex it can help me. I will call my first son Nelex. Also my eyes and kids are itchy. I better stop looking at them. I air my vagina three times a
day, much to my husband's regret. At today's price of water, I'd rather use Nelex. I have five of the four symptoms you mentioned. |
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
PM |
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
doctabako
Joined: Feb 10, 2003
Posts: 286
From: Philippines
PM |
@jowi |
Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
PM, WWW
|
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
PM, WWW
|
|
Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
PM, WWW
|
do you have one more??
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Caveman
Joined: Jan 15, 2003
Posts: 168
From: Cambridge, UK
PM |
@Jowi:
_________________
 Reality is just an illusion
[ This Message was edited by: Caveman on 2003-06-18 12:48 ] |
Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
PM, WWW
|
please... i love funny jokes
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Jowi
Joined: Feb 21, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Pilipinas
PM, WWW
|
common filipino grammatical/dictional error
Wrong: FILL UP application form/s
Right: FILL OUT application form/s
(you can FILL UP water/gas tank but definitely, not
application form)
Wrong: Brownout
Right: Blackout
(Brownout is a reduction or cutback in electric
power.)
Wrong: May I know who's ON THE LINE? (asking the
caller her/his name on
the
phone)
Right: May I know who's SHE/HE/THIS/ON THE PHONE?
(On the line means "at stake/risk" i.e. your job is on
the line.)
Wrong: You can DEDUCT it FROM my credit card.
Right: You can CHARGE it TO my credit card.
(You can DEDUCT it FROM my checking or savings
account.)
Wrong: OPEN/CLOSE the light
Right: TURN ON/OFF the light
(This one is easy.)
In a fastfood or restaurant, you don't ask for
TISSUES. You ask for
NAPKINS/TABL E NAPKINS. |
Jowi
Joined: Feb 21, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Pilipinas
PM, WWW
|
ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS RECORDED AND VERIFIED BY THE WORLD FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS.
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now YOU say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a > >sexy message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. > >Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you!!!!
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you. |
BS'n
Joined: Mar 29, 2003
Posts: 67
From: Norway / Askim
PM, WWW
|
hvat is this?
 it's me I'm bad to write english, sorry  |
Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
PM, WWW
|
hmm.. i don't know...
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro | |
|
Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
|
Posted: 2003-06-18 10:05
it's me 
