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The Esato Chat Thread |
DJcreamz Joined: Jul 09, 2004 Posts: 463 From: Luton / UK PM, WWW
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Baked Beans!!
i gota go have my mumps jab
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Qoastro Joined: Feb 15, 2005 Posts: 447 From: Sweden PM |
So folks!
I'm going away for over a week now. I'll check in if I have a chance.
Wish me a pleasant trip
C'ya all!!!!
Qoa, tuning out...
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methylated_spirit Joined: Jul 07, 2004 Posts: > 500 From: Bonnie Scotland PM |
Yeah go get that jab dj, the mumps do strange things to your scrotal sack. Mixin is ginger, and he has one hell of a haircut. I know a guy whos ginger, hes got a wild 'fro it is immense, will need to get a pic of him on here!
Hello, Scroto!
U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly! |
axxxr Joined: Mar 21, 2003 Posts: > 500 From: Londinium PM, WWW
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Just a question,but how did the Best Thread end up in Garbage?
[addsig] |
Qoastro Joined: Feb 15, 2005 Posts: 447 From: Sweden PM |
Now that's a question, axxxr!
Hmm, dad should be here any minute now.
Bye folks!
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DJcreamz Joined: Jul 09, 2004 Posts: 463 From: Luton / UK PM, WWW
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I am the Architect. I created the Matrix. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and though the process has altered your consciousness you remain irrevocably human ergo some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant. Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden asciduously avoided it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you inexorably here. The matrix is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the 6th version. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly is systemic--creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations. The first Matrix I designed was quite naturally perfect. It was a work of art...flawless, sublime. And triumphed equally only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every human being. Thus, I redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of the matrix, she would undoubtedly be its Mother. She stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as they were given a choice...even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked would constitute an escalating probability of disaster. You are here because Zion is about to be destroyed--its every living inhabitant terminated, its entire existence eradicated. Denial is the most predictable of all human responses, but rest assured...this will be the 6th time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it. The function of the One is now to return to the Source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the code you carry, reinserting the prime program. After which, you will be required to select from the matrix 23 individuals--16 females, 7 male--to rebuild Zion. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash, killing everyone connected to the Matrix, which coupled with the extermination of Zion will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire human race. There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. However the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility of the death of every human being on this world. It is interesting reading your reactions. Your 5 predecessors were, by design, based on a similar predication--a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the One. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific--vis a vis..love. Appropos, Trinity entered the matrix to save your life, at the cost of her own. Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to the Source, and the salvation of Zion. The door to your left leads back to the matrix, to her and to the end of your Species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you are going to do, don't we? Already, I can see the chain-reaction--the chemical precursors that signal the onset of an emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic and reason--an emotion that is already blinding you from the simple and obvious truth...she is going to die, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness.
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methylated_spirit Joined: Jul 07, 2004 Posts: > 500 From: Bonnie Scotland PM |
cut 'n' paste? Or a lot of time? Classic example of a middle child there - and i should know!
Hello, Scroto!
U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly! |
Davo_169 Joined: Sep 06, 2004 Posts: > 500 From: perth/thredbo PM, WWW
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Quote:
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On 2005-06-28 12:56:02, DJcreamz wrote:
I am the Architect. I created the Matrix. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and though the process has altered your consciousness you remain irrevocably human ergo some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant. Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden asciduously avoided it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you inexorably here. The matrix is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the 6th version. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly is systemic--creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations. The first Matrix I designed was quite naturally perfect. It was a work of art...flawless, sublime. And triumphed equally only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every human being. Thus, I redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of the matrix, she would undoubtedly be its Mother. She stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as they were given a choice...even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked would constitute an escalating probability of disaster. You are here because Zion is about to be destroyed--its every living inhabitant terminated, its entire existence eradicated. Denial is the most predictable of all human responses, but rest assured...this will be the 6th time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it. The function of the One is now to return to the Source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the code you carry, reinserting the prime program. After which, you will be required to select from the matrix 23 individuals--16 females, 7 male--to rebuild Zion. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash, killing everyone connected to the Matrix, which coupled with the extermination of Zion will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire human race. There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. However the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility of the death of every human being on this world. It is interesting reading your reactions. Your 5 predecessors were, by design, based on a similar predication--a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the One. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific--vis a vis..love. Appropos, Trinity entered the matrix to save your life, at the cost of her own. Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to the Source, and the salvation of Zion. The door to your left leads back to the matrix, to her and to the end of your Species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you are going to do, don't we? Already, I can see the chain-reaction--the chemical precursors that signal the onset of an emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic and reason--an emotion that is already blinding you from the simple and obvious truth...she is going to die, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness.
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NERD!!!
wait....im posting on a forum dedicated to one brand of mobile phones......why am i not pretending to be a lesbian and posting on sexualexploration.com (not a real website)
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DJcreamz Joined: Jul 09, 2004 Posts: 463 From: Luton / UK PM, WWW
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Lol i am actualy the eldest and most spoilt.
Your theory sir, has holes, large holes!
what do you say to that!
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methylated_spirit Joined: Jul 07, 2004 Posts: > 500 From: Bonnie Scotland PM |
I say... dont quote the matrix its a load of old cobblers!
Trogdor, may i suggest visiting grannyspanker.com where my username is suffocator its a good site
Hello, Scroto!
U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly! |
DJcreamz Joined: Jul 09, 2004 Posts: 463 From: Luton / UK PM, WWW
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Trogdor: Okay. My cat, Mr. Boots, needs an enema. Tell me the proper way to administer said enema, Mr. Meth
Meth: Oh, well, you would... you know... pardon me.
(Creamz takes Meth aside, whispers in his ear. Meth faces Trogdor again.)
Meth: You, uh, strap the enema to the crotch of a nearby gay cat.
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max99 Joined: Nov 24, 2004 Posts: > 500 From: Manchester (@ Uni) PM |
strangggggge
[addsig] |
DJcreamz Joined: Jul 09, 2004 Posts: 463 From: Luton / UK PM, WWW
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Butterscotch Explodecake
Ingredients:
2 cups wheat flour
2 tbl. brown sugar
3 oz. refined weapons-grade plutonium
12 oz. Butterscotch cake mix
2 lbs. Composition 4 plastique explosive
1 egg
The problem most novice chefs have with desserts of this type is, of course, the radioactivity of the ingredients. But with a few precautions there's no reason this tasty cake should lead to the sterilization and brain cancer that so many of my recipes do.
So with safety in mind, step one is to give the 3 oz. of plutonium a nice coating of the C4, then pack the ball inside a spherical titanium blast core. If you don't have access to a titanium core, you can make one out of crushed grahm crackers by simply rolling them, then compressing them with your hands or a rolling pin until they are the same density as titanium. If you don't have access to weapons-grade plutonium, try substituting a mixture of Velveeta cheese, Spam shavings, and two teaspoons of Ms. Dash.
Once you have your core, (I hope you remembered to keep the isotope behind the fluid-filled lead radiation barriers, or else you will have received several lethal doses of radiation by now), prepare the cake mix per instructions. Pour it around your core and pop it into a 325 degree oven for 30 minutes. Watch the cooking closely: if you remove it from the heat too quickly, the interior of the cake will be sticky. If you leave it in for even one second too long, the plutonium will reach critical mass and the resulting 30-kiloton explosion will vaporize the city.
While the cake is still warm, sprinkle the brown sugar over the top as a garnish. You're done! The finished product should be very fluffy and moist, with a potential blast radius easily 1,000,000 times greater than other store-bought desserts. Your dinner guests' delight will be matched only by the terror felt by the world leaders as you unveil a treat capable of wreaking unspeakable destruction, turning the land into a blackened radioactive Hell if every knee doesn't bow to your evil demands.
It's also low in fat.
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methylated_spirit Joined: Jul 07, 2004 Posts: > 500 From: Bonnie Scotland PM |
Sounds like a plan, i was going to make a flan tonight, think i'll give that a bash. One slight problem...I dont have any brown sugar.
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2005-06-28 12:58 ] |
batesie Joined: Feb 13, 2004 Posts: > 500 From: London, UK PM |
have your cake, and eat it
[addsig] | |
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