| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
Bjerkebanen
Joined: Feb 26, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: El culo del mundo! OSLO NORUEG
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 im so funny it hurts!
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Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
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Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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yes you are
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try understand her
at all.
MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.
APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_________________________________________
One day a 5th grade class was taking a field trip but the weather was extremely bad and the trip was to be delayed and they had to stay in a hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was sleeping in the same room as his teacher.
In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and was frightened by the sight of Johnny standing right over her.
He asked if he could sleep with her cause he couldn't sleep.
She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a little closer and she said okay.
Then he asked if he could put his finger in her belly button and she said "NO"
"But my mommy lets me do it when I can't sleep and it helps."
So the teacher says, "Okay fine, do whatever your mom lets you do."
A few minutes later the teacher says "OH. that's not my bellybutton."
And Little Johnny says, "that's not my finger."
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Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Jowi
Joined: Feb 21, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Pilipinas
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hahaha...the little johnny series |
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
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A father and a son went to the river for fishing.
While fishing, a firefly came by disturbing the son's concentration.
Feeling agitated, the son killed the firefly.
On seeing his son notorious behaviour, the father punished the
son saying "no FIRE for you for a whole week".
In the second incident, again both went fishing, and this
time a butterfly came by. And again the son killed the butterfly
by stepping on it. The father became angry and again punished the
son by saying "no BUTTER for you for a whole week".
Back home, they were then joined by the mother for dinner.
In between, a cockroach appear before them on the dining table
and without thinking for a second, the mother wacked on the
cockroach until it dies.
The son turn to the father asking, do you want me to tell mom
or you want to tell mom......
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
Digital_Hustler
Joined: Jun 15, 2003
Posts: 50
From: Switzerland
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A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup files and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Ten minutes later, the user is still persistent that he is right. The tech is frustrated and give up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
Ten minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
One hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
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Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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haha
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
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After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the Presidents of the brewreys decide to go to the pub for a drink. The coors President said "Can I have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors, please."
The bartender gave him the drink.
Then the Budweiser President orders, "The King Of Beers -- Budweiser."
The bartender proceeds with the order.
The Amstel President walks in and orders "The Finest Beer ever."
The bartender gives him an Amstel.
Then the Guinness President says, "I'll have a coke please."
The bartender is taken aback by this but gives the coke to him anyway.
All the Presidents looked over at him and said, "Why have you ordered a coke?"
He replied, "Well if you all aren't drinking beer, then neither shall I."
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Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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haha.. where do you findt all this funny jokes
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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i get mine from the harddrive in my head
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Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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so you make them yourself??
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Bjerkebanen
Joined: Feb 26, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: El culo del mundo! OSLO NORUEG
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i made up that poof jocke myself!
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Posted: 2003-06-13 22:16
