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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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cyanx7
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 228
From: Porto, Portugal
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beautiful... can i guy be in love with jokes?
The garbage man is happy as a young maiden losing virginity...  I GOTTA GARBAGE THREAD WITH MY NAME ON IT! YEAH!  Shithappens just became my blood brother and Bjerkebanen my blood sister...  |
Jowi
Joined: Feb 21, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Pilipinas
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a joker maybe... |
cyanx7
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 228
From: Porto, Portugal
PM |
ok, i like this joker like a brother... 
The garbage man is happy as a young maiden losing virginity... I GOTTA GARBAGE THREAD WITH MY NAME ON IT! YEAH! Shithappens just became my blood brother and Bjerkebanen my blood sister... |
Jowi
Joined: Feb 21, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Pilipinas
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how about riddler? |
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
PM |
A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her, "Can we have sex?"
She replies, "No, I'm married to God." She stands up and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says, "I can tell you how to have sex with her!"
"Yeah?" says the hippie.
"Yeah!" says the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So, all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some luminous powder in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."
The hippie decides to give it a try and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I'm God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. "Have sex with me."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity. God agrees and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jump up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha, I'm the hippie!" he cries out.
"Ha-ha, I'm the bus driver!" cries out the nun.
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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that's a good one
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro |
Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
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funny mr sh*tter
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Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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that's brilliant
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shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
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thanx folks!!!!
more to come surely......
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
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After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.
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Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination ofthe area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1. The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (light bulb), notwithstanding the aformentioned failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light bulb) becomes seperated from the party of the third part ('receptacle'), the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.
3. Once seperation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part ('new light bulb'). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part (new light bulb) becomes snug in the party of the third part (receptacle) and in fact becomes the party of the second part (light bulb).
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (lawyer), by said party of the first part (lawyer), or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do som the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'.
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Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
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Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
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Signs You're Burned Out
10. You're so tired you now answer the phone, 'Hell.'
9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, 'Get off my back, bitch!'
8. Your garbage can IS your 'in' box.
7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
6. You have so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee.
5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
4. You sleep more at work than at home.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.
2. You blasted your Daily Planner with a .357 Magnum a week ago, but still haven't been able to miss a meeting.
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
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Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
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haha.. thats a good one
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro | |
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Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
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Posted: 2003-06-05 14:36
