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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
('',)bluemint
Joined: Feb 12, 2003
Posts: 8
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A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day at work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said,
"Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But i'm a university graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. i didn't know that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom--I'll show you how."
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Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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some good ones there bluemint
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francine
Joined: Feb 05, 2003
Posts: 41
From: WWW
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i still can't get over that lil girl setting the nest on fire hahahahahaha that's a Winner! |
paomig
Joined: Jan 05, 2003
Posts: 26
From: southside
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guten aben  |
cyanx7
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 228
From: Porto, Portugal
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and he posted it again!... 
it's the third one exactly the same by my numbers... 
The garbage man is happy as a young maiden losing virginity...  I GOTTA GARBAGE THREAD WITH MY NAME ON IT! YEAH!  Shithappens just became my blood brother and Bjerkebanen my blood sister...  |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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paomig - where do u get your smilies from mate?
edit: ignore me, i figured it out for myself!
_________________
Mornin.
Deize!
[ This Message was edited by: Eleventy7 on 2003-04-01 17:38 ] |
cyanx7
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 228
From: Porto, Portugal
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here's a cool joke:
a ship starts to sink...
on board there's 3 passengers talking 'bout their ugly situation: a doctor, a lawyer and Michael Jackson...
the Doctor in despair shouts: "the children first!!! SAVE THE CHILDREN!!!"
the lawyer immediatly jumps into a life raft, and yells: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!!!"
immediatly MJ (in that cudly voice of his) says: "do you think there's still time??!"
The garbage man is happy as a young maiden losing virginity... I GOTTA GARBAGE THREAD WITH MY NAME ON IT! YEAH! Shithappens just became my blood brother and Bjerkebanen my blood sister... |
leibniz
Joined: Mar 04, 2003
Posts: 102
From: Western Canada
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A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic
surgery to enlarge her breasts.
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do
that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
- - -
There once was a bear hunter who was having no luck in finding his quarry. All at once, he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear.
The hunter's shock was increased when the bear spoke to him. "You are hunting me, I'll bet", said the bear. "You may choose your punishment. Either I will maul you to death or f**k you up the arse!"
The hunter didn't want to die, so he consented to give the bear the pleasure of his booty. The bear left satisfied and the hunter returned to his cabin.
The next day, the hunter decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again, the hunter felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear made his request. The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and took what the beast had to offer.
The third day, the hunter was really irate and decided he would torture and kill that bear! Once more, though, the bear was the better hunter. When the man felt the familiar tap on his shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly's offer of a choice again, but this time the bear just said, "You're not really into this for the hunting anymore, are you?!
- - -
Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."
That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look."
The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?"
So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine."
Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed...I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me."
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Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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the first 2 are oldie-but-goodies, the last one is a new one on me, but very good mate,
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leibniz
Joined: Mar 04, 2003
Posts: 102
From: Western Canada
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I'm glad you approve!
- - -
There was this really old guy at an old-timer's dance, and the problem was that he hadn't had any sex for a long time. He'd been dancing with all the grandmas all night, but still hadn't scored.
Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said, "I'm having no luck scoring a woman. How about coming back to my place for a roll in the hay? I'll give you 20 bucks!"
She says, "I'm willing, let's go".
They get back to his place and after a bit of foreplay; they head for the bedroom. He loves the sex and can't get over how tight she is for such an old woman. He thinks that she's got to be a virgin.
After the wonderful performance, he rolls off of her and puffs, "Wow! Lady, if I had of known you were a virgin, I would have given you 50 bucks".
Surprised, she says, "If I had of known you were actually going to get a hard-on, I would have taken my pantyhose off!"
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cyanx7
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 228
From: Porto, Portugal
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oh man!
that one is definatly better! 
The garbage man is happy as a young maiden losing virginity... I GOTTA GARBAGE THREAD WITH MY NAME ON IT! YEAH! Shithappens just became my blood brother and Bjerkebanen my blood sister... |
leibniz
Joined: Mar 04, 2003
Posts: 102
From: Western Canada
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How about this one?
- - -
One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."
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cyanx7
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 228
From: Porto, Portugal
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that one is just pure nasty... 
(adultery IS an institution, dont' u think?... ) |
leibniz
Joined: Mar 04, 2003
Posts: 102
From: Western Canada
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A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."
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Sporko
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: 163
From: Sweden
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'Det var en gång en gång och gången den var sandad'
Not fun at all, and it is on swedish !!
(Makes no sense...)
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Posted: 2003-04-01 08:09
