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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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because i changed it myself when i posted it!
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ShawO
Joined: Jun 09, 2002
Posts: 248
From:
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ah u arse...  |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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praiae, praise indeed from Shawo! 
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Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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Mad Ethel
Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge
around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to
maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is one
sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her, and some
of the males actually join in. One day, Ethel was speeding up one
corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his
arm outstretched. "STOP!" he said in a firm voice, "have you got a
license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled
out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away
Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge on
one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP!
Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled
out a beer coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said,
"Carry on, madam." As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front
door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a
very sizeable erection in his hand.
"Oh, no" said Ethel, "Not the breathalyser again!"
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cyanx7
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 228
From: Porto, Portugal
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wicked!!! |
JwY
Joined: Dec 03, 2002
Posts: 500
From: Canada GTA
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!!!!!!!!!
rebirth. |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband
had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
She said that she did.
He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
She said no.
The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't
practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"
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mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
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Nice one Kev,
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Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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I seem to be the King of this thread recently, even if i do say so myself!
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mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
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I started it ages ago now..., Still live and kicking...
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Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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u started it on the 14th May last year and still goin!
longer than the UK thread (altho nowhere near the amount of posts!)
_________________
Mornin.
Deize!
[ This Message was edited by: Eleventy7 on 2003-03-18 19:27 ] |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.
ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T ...
ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ....
ME: This is AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ....
ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr.Byron, please.?
ME: May I ask who is calling.?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
ME: Ok, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
ME: Hello.?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron.?
ME: May I ask who is calling, please.?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: This is AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: The phone company.?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you
10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
ME: 7 days a week.?
AT&T: That's right.
ME: 365 days a year.?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
ME: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
ME: Ok, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one
at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check,
can I get a cash advance.?
AT&T: Excuse me.?
ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about.?
ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute,
that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme?
I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for ...
ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please.?
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor.!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.
SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron.?
ME: Yeth.?
SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
ME: Is This A T & T.?
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter
and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to
get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?
ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AT&T: click........
****************************************
An Amish couple had just been married and went to a
hotel for their honeymoon. The Amish man went to the
front desk and asked for a room. He said this occasion
was very special to them and they needed a good room.
The clerk winked and asked "Do you want the Bridal?
The Amish fellow thought about it a while and then
replied, "No, I guess not, I'll just hold onto her
ears until she gets used to it."
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leibniz
Joined: Mar 04, 2003
Posts: 102
From: Western Canada
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This guy is walking down the street and he sees a sign for a business that reads "Ole Svenson's Chinese Laundry".
Curious, he walks inside and asks to chat with the owner. "How did you come about that name of your business there?" He asks.
"Well," said the chinese owner, "it's a strange thing. When I was immigrating into this country, I was waiting on a Swede to finish with the immigration officer. Finally he did, and when it was my turn, the first thing they asked was my name, so I told them: Sam Ting."
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cyanx7
Joined: Jan 02, 2003
Posts: 228
From: Porto, Portugal
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The garbage man is happy as a young maiden losing virginity...  I GOTTA GARBAGE THREAD WITH MY NAME ON IT! YEAH!  Shithappens just became my blood brother and Bjerkebanen my blood sister...  |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
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Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
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Posted: 2003-03-13 14:28
