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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
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Whats pink and covered in cobwebs?
Madeleine McCann's bike
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fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
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Lost the Carling Cup?
Lost the Premier League?
Lost the European Cup?
Lost a parent?
Talk to Frank
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haynesycop
Joined: Mar 10, 2004
Posts: > 500
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NEWS FLASH
Petrol stations are to offer free porn at the fuel pumps so you can watch somebody else get f@cked while you are.
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fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
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Why do bulimics love KFC?
Because it comes with a bucket.
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haynesycop
Joined: Mar 10, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
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haynesycop
Joined: Mar 10, 2004
Posts: > 500
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Scientists have found that many women develop DYSONS disease after only 1 year of marriage.
They make a continuous whining noise and don't suck anymore.
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fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
Where can you find 64,000,000 French jokes?
France
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Lo-couk
Joined: Dec 14, 2006
Posts: 270
From: West Yorkshire England.
PM, WWW
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How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
iphone 4 16Gb |
jcwhite_uk
Joined: Feb 18, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Dorset, UK Phone:Xperia Z1
PM, WWW
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Not actually a joke but I thought this was funny:
The United States Patent Office has seen a large increase in the number of space-related trademark filings now that space tourism is close to reality. The most amusing has been Hertz Rent A Car who have trademarked the gamut, including Lunar Hertz, Mars Hertz, and yes, even the inevitable Uranus Hertz.
Checkout my photos at My Website"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." |
masseur
Joined: Jan 03, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Sydney, London
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evolution of robbery
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tranced
Joined: Jan 19, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: Santo Domingo, wonDeRland
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Caspa
Joined: Nov 28, 2001
Posts: > 500
From: London, UK.
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now thats spot on! |
shelly58
Joined: Jun 19, 2004
Posts: 373
From: Nottingham UK
PM |
MAKING A BABY 
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted.
always look on the bright side of life...de dum..de dum..de dum..
Esato Feedback +31
PS3 ID: menalishka |
fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me. I mean, what the f**k happened on the ninth of November anyway?
I was reading the Sun this morning when I saw the headline "John Leslie in Police Rape Quiz"
Imagine my disappointment when I realised it wasn't a game show.
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fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
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What does WTC stand for?
What Trade Centre........
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Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
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Posted: 2008-05-27 12:04
jay0726 | 
