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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
haynesycop
Joined: Mar 10, 2004
Posts: > 500
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DickySnapples
Joined: Dec 05, 2003
Posts: > 500
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Just as maddy mcann was about to be named hide and seek champion of the world some austrian bitch goes and beats her by 23 years.
[ This Message was edited by: Dicky Snapples on 2008-05-09 16:29 ] |
HornyNick
Joined: Mar 09, 2008
Posts: 77
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Josef Fritzl LTD. Cellar conversion and sound proofing specialist.
A family business established for 24 years. |
nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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Woman goes & buys a parrot. Parrots are £100, £200 & £15. She asks whys the last 1 is so cheap?
'Because he used to live in a brothel' says shopkeeper. She doesnt mind & buys it.
When she gets home the parrot says, 'F##k me a new brothel!' The woman finds it funny. When her daughters get home the parrot says, 'F##k me 2 new prozzies!' The daughters find it funny too.When dad gets home the parrot says, 'F##k me Clive, havent seen you for weeks'!
Just bought Elizabeth Fritzls diary off Ebay. Heres a typical week;
Mon - stayed in.
Tue - stayed in.
Wed - stayed in.
Thur - stayed in.
Fri - stayed in.
Sat - dad came down for a shag!
Sun - stayed in.
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[ This Message was edited by: nicv27 on 2008-05-09 20:07 ] |
sailaab
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: India
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Old man holding middle finger and showing tongue
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The doctor was surprised to find old man Jones sitting on the bed holding up his middle finger and sticking out his tongue. He walked over to the nurse who was taking his vitals.
“Excuse me,” said the doctor, “but why is Mr. Jones sitting like that?”
The nurse replied, “I told him you were going to examine his sexual organs.”
Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life! SE  TRIVIA |
pmerryman
Joined: Jun 02, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Oldham,Uk
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On 2008-05-09 21:04:56, nicv27 wrote:
Woman goes & buys a parrot. Parrots are £100, £200 & £15. She asks whys the last 1 is so cheap?
'Because he used to live in a brothel' says shopkeeper. She doesnt mind & buys it.
When she gets home the parrot says, 'F##k me a new brothel!' The woman finds it funny. When her daughters get home the parrot says, 'F##k me 2 new prozzies!' The daughters find it funny too.When dad gets home the parrot says, 'F##k me Clive, havent seen you for weeks'!
Pissing myself laughing
One Day, Men Will Look Back And Say I Gave Birth To The 20th Century. You have to have a piss in the sea, its the law. The A-Z of Trusted Traders[img]http://a-zott.com/images/A-Z |
procterdc
Joined: Jun 03, 2005
Posts: 334
From: Lytham St.Annes
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On 2008-05-11 00:16:01, sailaab wrote:
Old man holding middle finger and showing tongue
.
The doctor was surprised to find old man Jones sitting on the bed holding up his middle finger and sticking out his tongue. He walked over to the nurse who was taking his vitals.
“Excuse me,” said the doctor, “but why is Mr. Jones sitting like that?”
The nurse replied, “I told him you were going to examine his sexual organs.”
Am i missing something? lol
It ain't about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward - Rocky Balboa |
Muhammad-Oli
Joined: Jun 13, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: The NZ of L
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Yeeeah I don't get it either...
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2008, 2009, 2010 Best Australasian Member. |
JiSm
Joined: Nov 08, 2007
Posts: 404
From: New Zealand
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I think its coz hes old and his pecker dun work - leavin his mouth and finger as the only Sexual Organs left. Hmmmm.
"Back in the land of the long white cloud!" |
Muhammad-Oli
Joined: Jun 13, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: The NZ of L
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Haha riiiight. I guess it ain't my type of joke. 
This message was posted in the mail
2008, 2009, 2010 Best Australasian Member. |
Danny_BFC
Joined: Jun 18, 2006
Posts: 499
From: Barnsley, Phone,
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An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the
streets and bars of Dublin one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dawson
Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for
evening performances'.
'Fu**ing get in there you c*nt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
'Get the fu**ing manager of this pigs s*it middle class w*nk hole please
you c*nt', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however
obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says
'Yes you can you fat piece of s*it, I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting
window and I'm here to audition.....w*nker.'
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire
need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The
first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too
involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries,
'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'
'That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I
just j*zzed in your daughter's eye, and now the c*nts blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little
less "lively".'
'W*nker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad
which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops
asks him the title.
'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t
box you get cr*p on your bell end.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive
titles?'
'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your r*ngpiece", or
there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got
nice jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but
the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the
condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'
'f**k it' says the pianist 'Why not'.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up
his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only
thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous
blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the
tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and
inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking
hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out.
Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the
tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the
show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.'Hi' she
says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your c*ck is hanging
out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?'
says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
'I f*cking wrote it !!!'
a little boy runs up to his mother, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Leaf?"
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".
The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".
The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
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Im not Racist, Homophobic, Rude, Insulting or Harsh. Im from Yorkshire and i Say what i think.
[ This Message was edited by: Danny_BFC on 2008-05-23 02:32 ] |
Brightspark
Joined: Aug 19, 2007
Posts: 326
From: UK
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why wasn't jesus born in liverpool?
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they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin
[ This Message was edited by: Brightspark on 2008-05-23 03:35 ] |
Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
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The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
That one caused me to spit tea all over the keyboard
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Mige
Joined: Aug 31, 2007
Posts: 453
PM |
haha
[addsig] |
haynesycop
Joined: Mar 10, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
Jeremy Clarkson & Amy Winehouse bump into each other at an awards ceremony and get chatting. She asks him;
"So what do you do?"
He replies; "Top Gear"
F@cking brilliant she says i'll have 3 grams.
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Posted: 2008-05-09 17:11
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