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4GL PSETOMAN
Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Posts: 2
From: Serbia
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nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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Three little ducks go into a bar...
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great .. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.
"My name is Puddles."
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nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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A woman in her thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.'
The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 42-year old arse?'
'Your name never came up,' she replied.
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dougproctor
Joined: Jan 07, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Gosport, UK
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Two women knocked at my door, asking me what type of bread I ate. When I said white, they lectured me on the benefits of brown bread.
Damn Hovis Witnesses!!!!!!!
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Susana
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Posts: 1
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Passing an office building late one night, the blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed men proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"
"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it yourself."
[addsig] |
LesleyAnn
Joined: Oct 12, 2006
Posts: 96
From: a small kentish village
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An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!
'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'
The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'
'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.
'No, from the f**kin' skippin'
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goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
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@Lesley
LMAO 
That was funny
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HornyNick
Joined: Mar 09, 2008
Posts: 77
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A teacher asks her class "Which part of the body gets 10 times bigger when excited?"
Little Suzy says "Miss, you are being rude, you should not ask questions like that to little children. You will get into trouble."
The teacher ignores her and repeats the question
Suzy shouts "I CANT BELIEVE YOU ASKED AGAIN!! WHEN IM GET HOME IM GONNA TELL MY DADDY WHO WILL REPORT YOU TO THE HEAD MASTER AND GET YOU SACKED!!"
Just then little Johnny puts his hand up and says "The answer is the pupils, miss"
Teacher says "Well, done Johnny. As for you suzy, 1. you didnt do your homework last night. 2. you have a dirty mind. and 3. you will be very dissapointed when u get older."
[ This Message was edited by: HornyNick on 2008-03-26 06:32 ] |
susie
Joined: Feb 25, 2008
Posts: 19
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On 2008-03-07 15:36:13, nicv27 wrote:
Three little ducks go into a bar...
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great .. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.
"My name is Puddles."
pmsl,
Thats great lol
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nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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God was fed up, In a crash of thunder he yanked up to Heaven three
influential humans, George Bush, Russian President, and Bill Gates. "The
human race is a complete disappointment", God boomed. "You each have one
week to prepare your followers for the end of the world."
Then, with another crash of thunder they found themselves back on
Earth.
Bush immediately called in his cabinet. "I have good news and bad
news," he announced grimly. "The good news is that there is a god. The bad
news is Gods really mad and plans to end the world in a week."
In Russia President announced to parliament, "Comrades, I have bad news
and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong, there is a god
after all. The worse news is Gods mad and is going to end the world in a
week."
Meanwhile, Bill Gates called a meeting of his top engineers. "I have
good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me one of
the three most influential men on Earth," he beamed "The better news is
we dont have to fix Windows Vista any more."
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nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails
down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga to ease her
nervousness. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.
One day her friend stopped her and noticing her long, groomed nails --
asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.
"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them
instead." |
LesleyAnn
Joined: Oct 12, 2006
Posts: 96
From: a small kentish village
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^:lol:
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KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
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What does AIDS stand for?
Annaly Injected Death Sentence |
nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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Farmers divorce.
Attorney: "May I help you?"
Farmer: "Yeah, I want to get one of those dayvorces."
Attorney: "Well, do you have any grounds?"
Farmer: "Yeah, I got about 140 acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand. Do you have a case?"
Farmer: "No, I don't have a Case, but I got a John Deere."
Attorney: "No, you still don't understand! I mean do you have a grudge?"
Farmer: "Yeah I got a grudge! That's where I park my John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Farmer: "Yes, sir, I got a suit! I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
Farmer: "Nope, we both get up about 4:30."
Attorney: "Okay, let me put it this way... why do you want a divorce?"
Farmer: "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."
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nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
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A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
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Posted: 2008-03-07 14:45
