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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
sailaab
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: India
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@not_me.. the toppings of chopped/ bloody finger was grotesque haha..
would you happen to have a video of this-->>
_=_=_=_
Story Published: Dec 28, 2007 at 8:26 PM PST
By Associated Press
BREMERTON, Wash. (AP) - A 25-year-old woman was arrested for investigation of second-degree assault for getting into an argument with her boyfriend over whether his dog should be in the bathroom while the couple were taking a shower together.
A police report said the 26-year-old man wanted his dog to join them in the bathroom, but the woman objected on Thursday night.
She told him if the dog wouldn't stay out, she didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore. He replied that maybe his next girlfriend would appreciate the dog more, and called her a name.
The police report said the woman punched him in the face several times and the man dislocated his shoulder when the naked couple grappled. He told police his girlfriend threw a picture frame, which broke and cut him.
The woman was taken to the Kitsap County Jail in Port Orchard. Bail has been set at $50,000.
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would have been interesting to watch *chuckles*   *nude fights in shower* 
Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life! SE  TRIVIA | |
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*Jojo*
Joined: Oct 15, 2003
Posts: > 500
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Why Microsoft...
At Bill Gate's wife's first press conference:
Reporter: \"How does it feel to have sex with the world's richest man?\"
BG's Wife: \"No big deal...The world know's why he named his company Microsoft!\"
[addsig] |
jcwhite_uk
Joined: Feb 18, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Dorset, UK Phone:Xperia Z1
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A man once counselled his son that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his cornflakes every morning. The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 108.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grand-children, 35 great-grand children, and a 15 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Checkout my photos at My Website"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." |
fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
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A koala bear and a prostitute go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for 3 hours straight. She has multiple orgasms!!! After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.
"Oh God,that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.
Then the prostitute says, "No, I need my money. I'm a prostitute and this is how I make a living."
The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the prostitute gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "prostitute." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:
"PROSTITUTE: Person who has sex for money."
Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The prostitute reads:
"KOALA BEAR: Eats Bushes and Leaves."
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Nanu
Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: Warrington, UK
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The Panda did the same after dinner!!
As a Panda "Eats, Shoots and Leaves"
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A L 3 X
Joined: Dec 20, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: Yorkshire Phone: iPhone 3G
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On 2008-01-20 22:46:22, fatreg wrote:
A koala bear and a prostitute go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for 3 hours straight. She has multiple orgasms!!! After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.
"Oh God,that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.
Then the prostitute says, "No, I need my money. I'm a prostitute and this is how I make a living."
The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the prostitute gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "prostitute." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:
"PROSTITUTE: Person who has sex for money."
Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The prostitute reads:
"KOALA BEAR: Eats Bushes and Leaves."
LOL
not quite getitng yours nanu...maybe i didnt read right?
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and once in a while a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement….
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Damn!" says the little old lady ... "I'd better go back and see if I can find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I yell: "'$20 or off it comes!'"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck! By the way, what's inthe other bag?"
"Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."
2. Kinky Sex(this ones probably more for the car enthusiasts.....Audi in particular  )
A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
'I vish to buy sex viz you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I'll charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.'
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees.
'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and
it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,
'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German . . .'zat is ze....
four-sprung Duck technique
[ This Message was edited by: A L 3 X on 2008-01-20 22:15 ] |
procterdc
Joined: Jun 03, 2005
Posts: 334
From: Lytham St.Annes
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Gynaecologist's Assistant
A bloke goes into the Job Centre in Sunderland and sees a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the guy behind the desk.
The Job Centre guy sifts through his files and replies, "Uh - yes here it is... OK, the job entails you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist.
You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and wash their nether regions.
Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of £45,000 but I'm afraid you'll have to go to Oxford ."
"Oh why, is that where the job's based?"
"No - that's where the end of the queue is"
It ain't about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward - Rocky Balboa |
Lo-couk
Joined: Dec 14, 2006
Posts: 270
From: West Yorkshire England.
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He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.
His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
Why are you stopping'? She whispered.
He whispered back, 'I found the remote'.
iphone 4 16Gb |
Lo-couk
Joined: Dec 14, 2006
Posts: 270
From: West Yorkshire England.
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I'll say sorry for this one before you start reading!
A woman goes into a restaurant. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone.
Two guys in the next booth notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her.One drops his trousers and bends over and the other starts licking his butt.
The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out she starts spewing up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
The first guy pulls his trousers back up and says to the other "You're right, that hind-lick manoeuvre works like a charm."
iphone 4 16Gb |
Twometre
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: Manzini, Swaziland
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One time two kids were discing each other,
First kid: you are so stupid
Second kid: you too
First kid: you built a house with buscuits and it callapses when it sees ten cents
Second kid: you are so dumb such that you jump over an opened gate
First kid: you too, you bouight a padlock to lock out mosquitoes
Second kid: you fathers car on a seap hill shows some veins
First kid: you are so ugly
Second kid: better than you.
fIST KID: you are so ugly. after your mama gave birth to you your father came to see you and when he set eyes on you he said DAMN!!!!!!
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Seanyb2
Joined: Jan 26, 2007
Posts: > 500
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Why do Essex Girls wear knickers............to keep their ankles warm!
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fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
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1000 Scousers were asked if they thought Britain should change its currency, they said "NO" they were happy with the Giro!
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methylated_spirit
Joined: Jul 07, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Bonnie Scotland
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Jim owned a small company that manufactured nails. One day he went out for a drink when he saw Bob - a guy he used to go to school with. They talk and discuss what each other is doing. Jim tells Bob that he owns a nail
manufacturing company called 'Jim's Nails' while Bob explains that he works for a advertising agency.
Bob says, "I tell you what, since we were friends at school I'll make you an advert for free" Jim protests but realises it's an opportunity he shouldn't refuse.
A few days later Bob phones him up to say that his finished advert will be on tonight, in the X-Files. Jim, all excited, gets a few beers in and sits down and waits. Eventually, the advert comes on. There on the screen is a picture of Jesus nailed to a cross with the caption 'USE JIM'S NAILS' written underneath in large letters.
Being a religious guy, Jim is outraged. He phones Bob up and asks what the hell he thinks he is doing. Bob apologises profusely and after much persuasion he
gets Jim to agree to let him do another advert to make it up to him.
Another few days later Jim receives a phone call telling him that the new advert will be on in between the Saturday Night Movie. Again, Jim sits down with a few beers and a couple of friends and waits.
The new adverts comes on ... Jesus is running through the desert with sweat pouring off his brow - he is obviously running for his life. The camera pans
out to reveal two Roman Guards about 100 yards behind Jesus chasing after him. The camera zooms in on the guards just as one says to the other, "I told you we should have used Jim's Nails"
Hello, Scroto!
U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly! |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
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LMAO 
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Seanyb2
Joined: Jan 26, 2007
Posts: > 500
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What does a gay priest say? Ah Men.
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Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
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Posted: 2008-01-11 10:41
TRIVIA
