| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
jcwhite_uk
Joined: Feb 18, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Dorset, UK Phone:Xperia Z1
PM, WWW
|
I didnt get it either until you explained. Dont know much about football and never heard of Andy Cole before.
Checkout my photos at My Website"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." | |
|
vladn02
Joined: Sep 17, 2007
Posts: 259
From: Ukraine
PM |
sorry mate, but universal jokes needed lol if i knew the manchaster united team maybe it would have made sense to me. thanks anyways 
|
Lo-couk
Joined: Dec 14, 2006
Posts: 270
From: West Yorkshire England.
PM, WWW
|
One day I met a sweet gentleman and
fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up baked beans.
Some months later, on my birthday,
my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the
countryside I called my husband and told him that would be late because I had to
walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans
was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk
off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the
diner and before I knew it, I had consumedthree large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the
gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed
excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a
surprise for dinner tonight!"
He then blindfolded me and led me to
my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to
remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the
blindfold until he returned and went to
answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were
still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while
my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight
to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my
napkin from lap and waved it around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I
ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to
the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone
farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more
times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it
feeling very relieved and pleased withmyself.
My face must have been the picture
of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He
asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the
blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy
Birthday!" I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
iphone 4 16Gb |
OffLineR
Joined: Jan 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Istanbul, Turkey
PM |
@Lo-couk
My mobile phone rang just before I read the last paragraph. I was ready for the end then I had the chance for a pause. After I hang up the phone I read the end.
You should see me how I die with laughter. LOL
Thanks for the great joke. Now I have a great smile on my face 
 Forever !!! |
KCC4
Joined: Jun 26, 2007
Posts: 175
From: England, North London
PM |
There are some black men in a car. Who's driving?
The policeman.
|
govigov
Joined: Jul 30, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Back home - Cochin
PM |
@loco-uk.... good one....
|
arien617
Joined: Feb 01, 2006
Posts: > 500
PM |
A man walks into a bar...
Ouch.
|
deluded
Joined: Sep 14, 2005
Posts: > 500
PM |
Here are some funny ones I got in my email, enjoy!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
Why men lie
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above river,
his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water,
and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe.
"Is this your axe?"the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?"the Lord asked.
"Yes", he replied.
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all
three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the
riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him,
"Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is
a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You
would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to
her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would
have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don't want her to share
me with anyone, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and
honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his wife!
That's our story, and we're sticking to it..
|
deluded
Joined: Sep 14, 2005
Posts: > 500
PM |
@goldenface, good one!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. |
KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
PM |
amen to that! |
KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
PM |
This is preety childish but some made me laugh!
Yo mama is so fat ...
she has to use a king size mattress as a tampon!
she stood on the scales and it said one at a time.
she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.
she was walking to Wal-Mart, stumbled over K-Mart, and landed right on Target!
when she puts on a yellow raincoat people shout TAXI!
if she fell into the ocean, the whales would start singing, "We are family"!
she thought that the titanic was a jetski!
if she stood on high heels she'd strike oil.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy.
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer.
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm.
when she went to the Zoo, Elephants began throwing peanuts at her.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
she could be the eighth continent.
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
she wears an 'X' jacket and helicopters attempt to land on her.
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress.
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
|
Muhammad-Oli
Joined: Jun 13, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: The NZ of L
PM |
Why was Piglet in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh.
This message was posted in the mail
2008, 2009, 2010 Best Australasian Member. |
Lo-couk
Joined: Dec 14, 2006
Posts: 270
From: West Yorkshire England.
PM, WWW
|
This made me laugh...
iphone 4 16Gb |
deluded
Joined: Sep 14, 2005
Posts: > 500
PM |
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. | |
|
Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
|
Posted: 2007-10-26 01:07
Forever !!!
