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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
This greasy spoon restaurant was so bad, on the menu there were even flies in the pictures.
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Chartreuse Eyes
Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 253
PM, WWW
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@golden face it reminds of local DAHDA's (kind of cafe shop/resturant) in pakistan 
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goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
Tony Blair and David Cameron find themselves at the same hairdressers.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Blair in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Blair was quick to stop him jokingly saying, "Noooo thanks, my wife, Cherie, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel.
"The second barber turned to Cameron and said, "How about you" Mr. Cameron?
Cameron replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like".
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goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.
Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 PM. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
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A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after he had prescribed testosterone for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much," she explained. "I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her, "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls."
[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2007-09-25 13:58 ] |
KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
PM |
Michael Jackson and Debbie were in the maternity ward just after Debbie gave birth to their first child.
Michael asked her “How long do you think it will be before we can have sex?”
Debbie replied, “Jeez Michael, give it a chance to walk first!”
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A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, “Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?”
The nurse explains, “The hot chocolate will help him sleep.”
The man says, “And the Viagra?”
“Keeps him from falling out of bed.”
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A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks, “What in the world was that?”
The man says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead, seven to nothing.”
A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, “What was that?”
She replies, “Touchdown, tie score.”
The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work another one up. He tries so hard that he craps all over the bed.
The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?” He replies, “Half time. Switch sides.”
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Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
“Dave, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go, Dave.”
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
“Dave… Dave… Dave, you sick bastard. You’re a vet.”
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A woman is fast approaching 40 years of age and is without a partner. This situation has her rather depressed due to her long history of failed relationships. After much debate she decides that the best thing to do is to take out a personal ad in the paper:Wanted: A good lover to be my friend; who won’t beat me and won’t run out on me.
After a week or so no one has responded to the ad. She is feeling particularly depressed when the door bell rings.
She opens the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the front porch. Quite surprised at the sight she asks him what he wants.
He replies, “I’m responding to your ad for a good lover.”
“How can that be? You have no arms and no legs!”
“I have no arms so I can’t beat you and I have no legs so I can’t run out on you!” he said.
“What about being a good lover?” she asked.
He responded, “I rang the doorbell didn’t I?”
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Hung Chow calls into work and says, “Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.”
The boss says, “You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. “I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon… You got nice house.”
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Parenting can be difficult, especially in a religious family. That’s why we at F&J is passing along this list so that you can identify when your Amish teenager is getting into trouble.
Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 a.m.
In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
Shows up at barn raisings in full “KISS” makeup.
He’s wearing his big black hat backwards.
His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy.”
Defiantly says, “If I had a radio, I’d listen to rap.”
You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.
Uses slang expression, “Talk to the hand, ’cause the beard ain’t listening.”
Was recently pulled over for driving under the influence of cottage cheese.
When you criticize him, he yells, “Thou sucketh.”
[ This Message was edited by: KingBooker5 on 2007-09-26 17:13 ] |
KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
PM |
A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?”
“Both son. God is both.”
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?”
“Both son, both.”
“Daddy, does God love children?”
“Yes son, he loves all children.”
The child returns a few minutes later and says, “Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?”
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AbuBasim
Joined: Nov 04, 2005
Posts: > 500
PM |
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, eating a muffin while her dad gets his haircut.
The barber smiles at her and says:
"-Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin"
"-I know," she replies. "-I'm gonna get tits too"
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benitorios
Joined: May 19, 2007
Posts: 259
PM |
3 guys, a French, an Italian and a German are attending an English crash course.
Teacher : OK now, each of you will have to tell a short story including these 3 words : green, yellow and pink. Go ahead!
The German goes first, in a heavily accented English:
"Today I aite a pink sausach, wid yellow potatoh's and green beans"
Teacher: Great, now you Paolo:
The Italian:
"I woke up zis morninge, and I see ze beautifule yellow sun-eh, the green grass-eh, and i think oh what a pinke life-eh !"
Teacher: Excellent and now it's your turn François:
The French :
"I am in my rrroom, i hear ze phone ring : GREEN GREEN GREEN. Zen, I pink it up and I say : Yellowww??? |
vladn02
Joined: Sep 17, 2007
Posts: 259
From: Ukraine
PM |
This is a really cute story:
The next time you see a little old lady with
shaky hands, you'll remember this story:
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly
enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet,
she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving
at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales
clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhavedddddiilllldosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do
have dildos. Actually we carry many different models.
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu
caarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo
inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries?
The clerk responds, "Yes
we do."
She asks: "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww
tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offffff?"
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KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
PM |
 great one mate! |
Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
PM, WWW
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I should be shot for this one...
Once, there were four potatoes: Daddy tater and his three daughter taters. One day daddy tater says to his daughters 'I'm sorry girls but I'm getting too old to work now so you'll all have to go out and a marry a nice young tater because I can't afford to keep you any more.'
The three girls agree and that night, they go off to the tater ball. When they return, Daddy tater asks them how they got on.
"I met a King Edward tater and we're getting married next week." says his first daughter. "Ooooh, Very classy! Well done!" says Daddy tater.
"I'm going to marry a Jersey Royal in a few days time" says his second daughter. "Wow! What a result!" says Daddy tater.
"I met Jimmy Hill and he asked me to marry him and I said yes." said the third daughter proudly.
"Jimmy Hill? JIMMY HILL?" exclaims daddy tater. "But he's a common tater!"
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solja786
Joined: May 30, 2006
Posts: 161
From: the middle of nowhere
PM |
@cyco
ur rite ...u should b shot for dat one...lemme do the honours
 k750>k790>w850>p990>k800(again) |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
@Cyco
LMAO
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Danny_BFC
Joined: Jun 18, 2006
Posts: 499
From: Barnsley, Phone,
PM |
Cyco why are the most pathetic jokes so funny !
That was quality standard beefy that one mate!
Im not fussed about phones/gadgets no more. If im online im in the Non-Mobile discussion  |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
Some jokes are so funny just because they are so lame, but are jokes all the same.
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Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
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Posted: 2007-09-19 16:12
k750>k790>w850>p990>k800(again)
