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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
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Some audiance may find the following joke offensive
If your British, your gonna love this one!
There are 3 men on a train.
An English man,
An American man,
An Indian man,
The train is very hot, so they decide to wind down the window.
The American, gets out some money and throws it out the window.
The English and Indian men, are quite confused.
"Why did you do that?" they said?
"Well, we have so much money in America, I feal like getting rid of some of it"
The Indian man, gets out a bag of rice, and chucks it out the window.
"Why did you throw out the rice"? The westerners said
"Well we have so much rice in India, im going to get rid of some"
The English man looks out the window, and chucks out the Indian! | |
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TCM
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Posts: 36
From: Amsterdam
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A navy man and an Army man are driving opposite directions on a curvy mountain road. The army man hits a patch of sand, swerves, and nails the navy man's truck. They both exit their cars with no injuries, but their vehicles are ruined.
Now, the rivalry between army and navy is well known, so needles to say a heated argument followed. Then suddenly the navy man changed heart and said, "Hold on, this is dumb. It was an accident. Let's put this rivalry behind us."
The army man agreed this was a good idea. So the navy man offered, "Why don't we celebrate our new friendship over a fifth of vodka? I have a bottle in the truck"
The army man thought this was an excellent idea. So the navy man, being a gentleman, offered the army man the first drink, and told the army man to drink as much as he wanted. Soon half the bottle was gone and he offered the bottle back to the navy man who said, "thanks, but I'll wait till the cops get here". |
jcwhite_uk
Joined: Feb 18, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Dorset, UK Phone:Xperia Z1
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On 2007-08-02 12:43:31, TCM wrote:
A navy man and an Army man are driving opposite directions on a curvy mountain road. The army man hits a patch of sand, swerves, and nails the navy man's truck. They both exit their cars with no injuries, but their vehicles are ruined.
Now, the rivalry between army and navy is well known, so needles to say a heated argument followed. Then suddenly the navy man changed heart and said, "Hold on, this is dumb. It was an accident. Let's put this rivalry behind us."
The army man agreed this was a good idea. So the navy man offered, "Why don't we celebrate our new friendship over a fifth of vodka? I have a bottle in the truck"
The army man thought this was an excellent idea. So the navy man, being a gentleman, offered the army man the first drink, and told the army man to drink as much as he wanted. Soon half the bottle was gone and he offered the bottle back to the navy man who said, "thanks, but I'll wait till the cops get here".
I have heard that joke several times lately but always with different people.
Checkout my photos at My Website"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." |
$herry
Joined: Jun 17, 2007
Posts: 478
From: Pakistan
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Yeah..been posted as young man and old man as few days back...
@goldenface: great work bro! 
[addsig] |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
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Thanks $herry mate, glad you liked them
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$herry
Joined: Jun 17, 2007
Posts: 478
From: Pakistan
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Who wouldnt? they were great 
[addsig] |
paul101
Joined: Mar 26, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: first to last
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no offence here
There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York there’s a magical mirror. If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you one wish… but if you lie - POOF! - it swallows you up for eternity.
A brunette, redhead, and a blonde walk into that very bar - with a mission. They head straight for the magic mirror. The redhead goes first and says “I think I’m the most beautiful woman on Earth” POOF! - the mirror swallows her up and she’s gone for eternity.
The brunette goes up to the mirror and says “I think I’m the sexiest woman on Earth” POOF - now she’s gone too.
Lastly, the blonde goes up to the mirror says ” I think……..” - POOF!
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Little Johnny’s teacher got up in front of the class and announced they were going to play a guessing game! The teacher said, “I have something behind my back. It’s red in color and round. It’s soft, but it’s hard.”
Johnny raised his hand and said, “I know, it’s a red rubber ball.” The teacher said, “No Johnny, it’s an apple, but I like the way that you think.”
The teacher grabbed another object and put it behind her back. “I have something behind my back. It’s orange in color and round. It’s soft, but it’s hard,” said Johnny’s teacher.
Johnny raised his hand again and said, “Teacher teacher, I know, it’s an orange rubber ball.” The teacher looked at Johnny and said, “No Johnny, it’s an orange, but I like the way that you think.”
Johnny was now getting the hang of it so he asked the teacher if he could try one. Johnny grabbed an object and put it behind his back and said, “I have something behind my back. It’s pink in color and it’s loooong. It’s soft, but it’s haaaard.”
The teacher, getting upset, yelled at Johnny, “Now Johnny, I’m going to have to tell the principal about this perverted behavior.” Johnny stopped her and said, “But, teacher, all I have is my pink eraser - but I like the way you think!”
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[ This Message was edited by: paul101 on 2007-08-02 20:38 ] |
se_p800
Joined: Jan 07, 2004
Posts: 273
From: England
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lmao thats is one of the funniest blond jokes ive heard.
I have joke to make yes.
knock knock
Who is there?
HAHA
HAHA who?
HU HE HAHA
Its not funny at all but my cousin finds it hilarious for some reason. Tell me if anyone else does!
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Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
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Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
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Why are Chavs like Slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
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A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the Scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the life out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and clientèle stood silent and motionless.
Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened:
Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?"
Scouser: "Dunno, but it was something about a 'job'"
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I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean a ginger kid, with two friends?
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A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes mum - I had sex with my English teacher!" he replied.
The mother is stunned. "Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!"
The dad comes home and hears the news; he's as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is a cause for celebration. Let's get fish and chips, then I'll buy you that bike you've been asking for."
"Mint! - but I can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me."
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msmmsm
Joined: Sep 03, 2003
Posts: 187
From: Edinburgh
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Three pregnant woman are each knitting a jumper for their unborn child, the first woman says" I hope I have a wee boy as i'm using blue wool", the second turns and says"I'm using pink wool so I would like a wee girl", the thrid woman turn and says" I want mine to be a spastic as iv'e f**ked up the arms" |
KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
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Why are black men so tall?
Because there knee grows |
msmmsm
Joined: Sep 03, 2003
Posts: 187
From: Edinburgh
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Will be offensive to a lot of people
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He seen the size of his gas bill!
[ This Message was edited by: msmmsm on 2007-08-03 15:01 ] |
TCM
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Posts: 36
From: Amsterdam
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Pinocio comes to the doctor and tells him he has a problem, every time he has sex with his girlfriend she has splinters. The doctor says:" maybe it would be usefull to use sandpaper first" Pinocio thinks about it and he will try this.
A few weeks later the doctor meets Pinocio in the supermarket. The doctor asks him if everythings allright with the girlfriend. Pinocio answers:" Girlfriend? Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper". |
yes_futur
Joined: Aug 06, 2007
Posts: 101
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Please i want fun jokers in french languge beaucose i dnt understaned english wel
This message was posted from a myV-55 |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
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A Welshman, an Englishman and an Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running, they spotted a barn and ran inside.
Once inside, they each hid in an old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said... ''Meow'.'
"Just cats," he thought.
He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said... ''Woof'.'
"Just dogs," he thought.
As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack, he said... ''Potatoes!''
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Posted: 2007-08-02 12:36
