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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
Some Tommy Cooper Corkers:
"I got home from work and the wife said - I'm very sorry dear, but the cat's eaten your dinner'. I said 'Dont worry - I'll get you a new cat'. "
"A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '
'No, because he's really heavy' "
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.' "
[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2007-06-27 14:34 ] |
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$herry
Joined: Jun 17, 2007
Posts: 478
From: Pakistan
PM |
[addsig] |
fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
The streets of Sheffield echoes to the cries of "super, smashing, great" as Bullseye's speedboat winners finally get the chance to use the F****r
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Cycovision
Joined: Nov 30, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: England
PM, WWW
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I went to the doctors the other day and he told me 'You're going to have to stop masturbating.'
'Why?' I said.
'Because I'm trying to examine you' he said...
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gaming_guy
Joined: Oct 10, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
i had 25 yoghurt's last night, the following morning i was mullered
i heard that on the chris moyles show on radio 1 the other morning
K700i > K750i > K810i (current phone)
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sailaab
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: India
PM |
In Heaven:
* The French cook the food.
* The Swiss run the hotels.
* The Germans fix the cars.
* The Italians are the lovers.
* The English are the police.
In Hell:
* The English cook the food.
* The French run the hotels.
* The Italians fix the cars.
* The Swiss are the lovers.
* The Germans are the police.
.
.
okay.. nothing really to be taken personally here  nor against or for a particular race, community, nationality.. just some pure (if at all) irrational fun
Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life! SE  TRIVIA |
noblewolf
Joined: Mar 27, 2007
Posts: 54
PM |
This is not supposed to be a joke since it happened couple days ago and i find it hilarious. On my first few days here looking for a job in the classifieds, an advertisement in a newspaper caught my attention because it's kinda nasty.. it indeed gave me a good laugh. And believe it or not, this ad appeared on the paper four days in a row!
MONDAY - For Sale: RD Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7pm and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY - Notice: We regret having erred in RD Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7pm."
WEDNESDAY - Notice: RD Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands corrected as follows: "For Sale: RD Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7pm and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him."
THURSDAY - Notice: I, RD Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper, but she quit!
Hahahahaha! I couldn't help myself but to laugh everytime Im remided of it. Now where's Jay Leno?!
no matter how wicked it is, i wont use a phone unless it's a sony ericsson!
T68i>P800>P900>P910i>and ahhmm..p990i |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
LMAO!
Good jokes all round!
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$herry
Joined: Jun 17, 2007
Posts: 478
From: Pakistan
PM |
Newsapapers!!
[addsig] |
pmerryman
Joined: Jun 02, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Oldham,Uk
PM |
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.
"How about having $ex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have $ex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have $ex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have $ex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have $ex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have $ex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have $ex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
Silence took over...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
.............and then the masochist said : "Meow....!!!!!"
One Day, Men Will Look Back And Say I Gave Birth To The 20th Century. You have to have a piss in the sea, its the law. The A-Z of Trusted Traders[img]http://a-zott.com/images/A-Z |
$herry
Joined: Jun 17, 2007
Posts: 478
From: Pakistan
PM |
LMAO!!
[addsig] |
sailaab
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: India
PM |
http://msgboard.snopes.com/me[....]t_topic/f/60/t/001268/p/2.html
I was initially mistaken to think these were some Astronauts discussing some Time n Motion or space events or Nobel Laureates doing Hi end anatomical research!!
LoL.. some people have really lot of time at hand
(oops!! that applies to most of us here in the garbage threads too)
Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life! SE TRIVIA |
SE4NICK
Joined: Dec 27, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: Australia
PM |
Well this joke is sooooo childish but im goinng to say it anyway:
Teacher Says: Rodger you can leave class now !
Rodger Says: Why ?
Teacher says: The bell has gone.
Rodger Says: I didn't take it !
Ahahaha the bell, get it ? Sorry for wastin your time.
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sailaab
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: India
PM |
http://www.flurl.com/item/Orgasm__Auditions__u_212099
and the parameter's for judging were¿¿¿
Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life! SE TRIVIA |
Tiny
Joined: Dec 04, 2006
Posts: 165
PM |
Got 2:
An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.
The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."
"Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.
"And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."
Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?" asks the young guy.
"No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."
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A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids come in and share their stories. “My daddy told me about my uncle Dave,” says one boy. “He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands.”
“What is the moral of that horrible story?” yelps the mortified teacher.
“Stay away from Uncle Dave when he’s drinking.”
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Posted: 2007-06-27 14:01
TRIVIA
