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Uncle Bob
Joined: Nov 27, 2003
Posts: 202
From: Englandshire
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In the beginning was the plan
And then came the assumptions
And the plan was without substance
And the assumptions were without form
And darkness was upon the face of the workers
And they spoke among themselves saying "It is a crock of shit, and it stinks"
And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said "It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof"
And the supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "it is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it"
And the managers went to their Directors, saying "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide by its strength"
And the Directors spoke among themselves saying to one another, "it contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong"
And the directors went to the vice presidents saying unto them, "it promotes growth, and is very powerful"
The vice presidents went unto the president, saying unto him, "this new plan will actively promote the growth and vigour of the company, with powerful effects"
And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good
And the plan became policy
And that is how shit happens
Brevior saltare cum deformibus mulieribus est vita | |
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Uncle Bob
Joined: Nov 27, 2003
Posts: 202
From: Englandshire
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Brevior saltare cum deformibus mulieribus est vita |
joebmc
Joined: Jan 03, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Kent
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b4i*uRu>16?
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Posts: 9
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Harsh, but funny, I actually like Barrymore...lol
10: PRINT "HELLO"
20: GO TO 10:
30: RUN |
axxxr
Joined: Mar 21, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Londinium
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George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, \"You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy.\"
The Vice President shrugs and says, \"Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.\"
Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, \"Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.\"
The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, \"Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people really happy.\"
[addsig] |
bt-maniac
Joined: Jan 29, 2006
Posts: 15
From: Tritron-Neptune
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_________________
Some people calls it "Bluetooth and Wifi Hacker" . No , we're just Wireless Security testers.
[ This Message was edited by: bt-maniac on 2006-02-08 15:45 ] |
Uncle Bob
Joined: Nov 27, 2003
Posts: 202
From: Englandshire
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On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril and they all stare riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.
He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
"Iron this."
Brevior saltare cum deformibus mulieribus est vita |
mcrosser
Joined: Oct 11, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: Peru
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@Bob very good
AVAILABLE - advertise here!!  |
keranov
Joined: Dec 23, 2005
Posts: 22
From: Dobrich, Bulgaria
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Quote:
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On 2006-02-09 05:16:17, mcrosser wrote:
@Bob very good
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Uncle Bob
Joined: Nov 27, 2003
Posts: 202
From: Englandshire
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A fireman was polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he noticed a little boy next door sitting in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the bottom.
The little boy was wearing a fireman's red, helmet and had tied the cart to a dog and a cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That's a lovely fire engine," he said admiringly.
"Thanks," said the little boy.
The fireman looked closer and noticed that the little boy had tied one of the carts strings to the dog's collar and the other to the cat's testicles.
"Little colleague," said the firefighter. "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster."
A puzzled frown creased the little boy's face for a moment. He looked at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat and then shyly looked into the fireman's eyes and said: "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren, would I?"
Brevior saltare cum deformibus mulieribus est vita |
Bjerkebanen
Joined: Feb 26, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: El culo del mundo! OSLO NORUEG
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A son goes up to his dad and says: Dad how do i get facial hair? Hmm says the dad! Well i guess you can try to whipe your face with toiletpaper. I do that on my arse and check out how hairy it is!!!!!
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leibniz
Joined: Mar 04, 2003
Posts: 102
From: Western Canada
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A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
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Glenny
Joined: Feb 26, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: Mars
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good one! i thought it was hilarious |
deluded
Joined: Sep 14, 2005
Posts: > 500
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Good one indeed! Had me grinning ear to ear. |
rockygali
Joined: Nov 21, 2005
Posts: > 500
From:
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***rrringggg, rrriiiinggg******
Hospital Operator: Hello there, Good day!
Person calling: I would just like to check the patient in Room 45, is he still there?
Hospital Operator: Kindly Hold on...
*** after a minute...
Hospital Operator: Sir, we regret to inform you that the patient in room 45 is missing...
Person calling: well thats great!!! i was just checking if I do really get out of that crap...
"Darkness is the absence of light.. and not the opposite..." | |
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Posted: 2006-02-03 18:14
