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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
Bjerkebanen
Joined: Feb 26, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: El culo del mundo! OSLO NORUEG
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Here is a funny one! Funnny because its true!
When americans go to Macy D what do they say when they ask for chips?
Answer: Freedom fries. | |
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neiluk
Joined: Sep 13, 2003
Posts: 46
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michael jackson gets jail ,but for good behavoir the warden asks him if he wanted to watch a video, that would be great says michael,wat do u want says the warden, could you send me a-lad-in
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k4m!k4ze
Joined: Oct 02, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: CBE
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Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
Church Bells
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
_________________
If you're in a vehicle going at the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights ?
[ This Message was edited by: k4m!k4ze on 2005-04-10 17:46 ] |
Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
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an old man walks into a brothel.
the madam asks"how old ru?"
he replies "90"
she says "90! dont u know you've had it?"
"have i?"asks the old man "how much do i owe u?"
3 ducks walk in2 a bar. 1 says "im huey ive been in and out of puddles all day." 2nd says "im duey ive been in and out of puddles all day" barman says 2 the 3rd " u must b luey"
3rd one says "no, im puddles"
[addsig] |
max99
Joined: Nov 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Manchester (@ Uni)
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@nature i like the 1st one lol , made me laugh |
ukbilly1
Joined: Jan 05, 2004
Posts: 46
PM |
Woman - Goes into the doctors and says,
Doctor, whenever i take my pants down, my
fanny starts singing " show me the way to Amarillo"
Doc says- Don't wory love, every C**ts singing it..!
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hotcha
Joined: Apr 08, 2005
Posts: 93
From: bristol
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick! |
mobikid
Joined: Apr 21, 2005
Posts: 137
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illusionkk2
Joined: Feb 24, 2005
Posts: 161
From: United States
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What's For Supper
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A hunter kills a deer and brings it home.
He decides to serve venison for supper.
He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is -- so he does not tell them.
His little boy, Joey, keeps asking him, "What's for supper?"
"You'll see," says his dad.
They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating.
"OK," says her dad, "here's a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me."
"Joey! Quick, spit it out! We're eating a**hole!" she screams.
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k4m!k4ze
Joined: Oct 02, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: CBE
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It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go." Johnny was MAD.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go." Johnny was even MADDER than before.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go." Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut." The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence of your attempt !! |
haynesycop
Joined: Mar 10, 2004
Posts: > 500
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on bill gate's wedding night his wife finally discovered why he called his company MICROSOFT |
Davo_169
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: perth/thredbo
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tee hee hee
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haynesycop
Joined: Mar 10, 2004
Posts: > 500
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hilarious signs
over a gynecologists office "dr jones" at your cervix
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Davo_169
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: perth/thredbo
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stupid signs at the airport
"this door should be remained closed at all times"
i would have thought it'd be easier to put a wall there
"warning: this door opens without warning"
HUH??
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k4m!k4ze
Joined: Oct 02, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: CBE
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A man gets lost in the forest and is captured by a barbaric tribe. They tie him up and the chief says - "Death or Unga-Bunga ?" Not wishing to die, he says "Unga-Bunga"... immediately 10 towering muscled men sodomize him, The next day given the same choices and still not wishing to die, he says "unga-bunga" again, this time half the tribe make him take it in the back.
Tired and full of pain, he decides death is better than this punishment, so the next day, when given the choice, he says "Death", the chief slowly turns to his tribe and yells "DEATH BY UNGA-BUNGA"
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence of your attempt !! | |
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Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
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Posted: 2005-03-23 04:23
