| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
paddy the construction worker was on the 20th floor of an part-finished building.
he realised that the only handsaw was on the floor next to his mate seamus. he shouts down but although seamus can hear him shouting he cant make out any words. paddy points to his eyes (i) then his knees (need) then he makes a back and forth motion with his hand (handsaw).
seamus drops his trousers and starts playing with himself.
furious paddy races down to the ground and shouts "what the hell are you doing? i was trying to tell you i needed a handsaw!"
seamus replies "i know, i was trying to tell you i was coming!"
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Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
i feel sorry for cliff richard. last christmas he only sold 10,000 albums, mind you harold shipman killed most of his audience.
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how could pavarotti have been made head of the world hunger organisation? dont they realise, if he didnt eat so much there wouldnt be world hunger?!
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bob geldof is going to send the proceeds of band aid 20 to somalia this time. i hope they do the decent thing with all that money. OPEN A COUPLE OF TESCO'S!!!
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kimcheeboi
Joined: Dec 19, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Abducted by hot blondes to Les
PM |
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Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
whats the cleverest thing to come out of a womans mouth? einsteins c***.
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whats the useless bit on top of a vagina? a wife.
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why do women have legs? so thier feet dont smell of pussy.
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my first wife died tragically. she fell of a bike.
a copper said "were you close?"
i said "close enough to push the cow."
[ This Message was edited by: Nature on 2004-11-15 05:36 ] |
kimcheeboi
Joined: Dec 19, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Abducted by hot blondes to Les
PM |
we have a masogynist!
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Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
i was driving along the motorway yesterday when i started feeling tired.
after 10 minutes i arrived at a petrol station so i parked up and decided to have an hours sleep.
after 5 minutes a guy knocks on the window and asks "do you have the time?"
"5.00" i replied.
after 5 minutes, another knock. "do you have the time" another guy said
"5.05" i said.
i got out of the car opened the boot, got out some cardboard and a pen and wrote I DO NOT HAVE THE BLOODY TIME and put it in the window.
i was asleep for 10 minutes when someone knocked on the window and said "its 5.15 ".
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i was in a gay bar yesterday and this guy had the nerve to call me homophobic. thats crazy. i love my house.
[ This Message was edited by: Nature on 2004-11-15 06:13 ] |
markymodem
Joined: Sep 22, 2004
Posts: 15
From: Staffordshire
PM |
Massive Tea towel sale now on......For details contact Mrs Arafat..... |
kimcheeboi
Joined: Dec 19, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Abducted by hot blondes to Les
PM |
ROTFLMAO
that poor bugger
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Angelgirl
Joined: Nov 08, 2004
Posts: 54
From: Lagos State, Nigeria
PM, WWW
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lol....lol...lol....that was a good one Nature keep it up u all |
markymodem
Joined: Sep 22, 2004
Posts: 15
From: Staffordshire
PM |
Its important to keep fit as you get older....My gran started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. Today she is 97 and we don't know where the hell she is!!!!! |
blackspot
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Philippines
PM |
An engineer died and was mistakenly brought to hell. Satan happily accepted him and gave him the bluprint of hell. The engineer checked it, went around and inspected everything. After 2 months he was able to put up airconditioning, elevators, and conveyors around hell and everything was great!
An angel came down to visit satan and told him that the engineer was supposed to go to heaven. Satan refused to let him go. The angel told satan that they will sue if the engineer was not sent to heaven right away. Satan smiled and said "Oh yeah, and where will you get your lawyers?"
_________________
resistance is futile.
[ This Message was edited by: blackspot on 2004-11-16 04:42 ] |
methylated_spirit
Joined: Jul 07, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Bonnie Scotland
PM |
i just got a great deal on ebay...superman costume and a wheelchair for a fiver.
Hello, Scroto!
U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly! |
kimcheeboi
Joined: Dec 19, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Abducted by hot blondes to Les
PM |
hey, have you seen ray charles' house?
Neither has he!
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methylated_spirit
Joined: Jul 07, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Bonnie Scotland
PM |
Whats the only thing better than winning gold at the special olympics?
Not being a spastic.
Hello, Scroto!
U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly! |
kimcheeboi
Joined: Dec 19, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Abducted by hot blondes to Les
PM |
ok im about to get crucified for these jokes 
whats the opposite of christopher reeves?
christopher walken.
what's black and sits at the bottom of the stairs?
christopher reeves after a fire!
did you hear about christopher reeves new movie?
superman gets a parking spot!
how do you stop christopher reeves from moving??
tape his mouth shut
whats the difference between christopher reeves and O.J. simpson??
O.J. walked and reeves got the electric chair
How did terrorists attack the world trade center?
Superman was in a wheelchair
 ut a dollar bill underneath your chin, and squirm around like a tard: then ask, "who am I?" ---Christopher Reeves in a strip club----
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms!
stick your tongue out
wiggle it up
wiggle it down
wiggle it to the left
wiggle it to the right
pull it back in your mouth
now you have completed the christopher reeves home work out!
What was MTV's shortest show this year ??
Chris Reeves unplugged
So Christopher Reeves walks into a bar...
what do you have if you push 100 cripples down a hill into the sea?
A damn good laugh!
How did Hellen Keller's mom punish her?
She left the plunger in the toilet.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
If Helen Keller fell down in the woods, would she make a sound?
Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
cause shes a woman.
why didnt Helen Keller scream when she fell off a cliff?
she was wearing mittens.
What does Helen Keller call the closet?
Disneyworld.
Where did helen Keller go when company was over?
Disneyworld.
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Posted: 2004-11-14 08:15
