| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
a sexy blonde in a tiny top and short skirt paid a visit to the doctor, looking at her he cant maintain his professionalism.
he pulls up her skirt and starts rubbing her thighs
"do you know what im doing?" he asks
"yes, checking for abnormalities" comes the reply
the doctor pulls up her top takes off her bra and gropes her
"now what am i doing?" he asks
she says "checking for lumps and bumps"
"yes thats im doing" says the doctor as he lays her on the table.
as he is on top of her pounding away, he asks again
"what am i doing now?"
she replies "getting herpes, which brings me to why im here."
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blackspot
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Philippines
PM |
A man with a bad case of herpes went to a doctor. The doctor told him "We have to remove your prick ASAP". The man was shocked/scared so he went to another doctor who said exactly the same thing.
He went to an old chinese doctor who uses old techniques to get a different opinion. He told the chinese doctor what the two doctors told him. The chinese doctor looked at it and said "Those doc-tas just want maneh! No need opelation."
The man was so relieved. "So, am I gonna be alright, doc?"
The chinese doctor replied "Just wait two weeks, pecker fall"
resistance is futile. |
kimcheeboi
Joined: Dec 19, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Abducted by hot blondes to Les
PM |
A man man went to the doctor because of shooting testicular pains. The doctor told the man that his tesicles would have to be immediately removed, or there would be dire consequences. The man reluctantly agreed.
A few weeks after the operation, then man went to a tailor to get a new suit. The tailor immediately began writing down measurements. The guys says, "What are you doing? You haven't even made measurements yet!"
The tailor replies, "I can tell what your sizes are just by looking at you. You wear 32x30 pants, and 16-34/35 shirts, size 11 shoes, and size 32 underwear."
"Amazing!" the guy exclaims. "but you've got one thing wrong--i wear size 30 underwear."
"No," the tailor replies. "If you wear size 30 underwear it will dig into your crotch giving you shooting pain in your balls."
[addsig] |
blackspot
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Philippines
PM |
Oooh! Give me back my balls! 
A man stammers so much his wife couldn't bear it and brought him to a doctor. The doctor asked the man to remove pull down his pants and underwear. The man says "H-H-here? N-N-Now?"
The doctor nodded his head. The man obeyed the doctor. The doctor examined him and said "OK, I know what the problem is... Your d**k is too long! We have to remove a few inches from it."
The man wanted to argue but his wife said "It's OK darling I think the doctor is right. I always felt so much pain... you know what I mean"
The operation was successful and the man can now talk straight. "Thanks doc, You don't know how much this will improve my life and my career!"
After a few months, his wife started complaining that she doesn't get as much satisfaction in bed anymore. She wanted the C**k back to it's original length. "I don't mind the stammering" she added.
So they went to the doctor and told him what they wanted the removed part back and are willing to pay anything.
The doctor replied "Th-th-that's i-i-imposib-b-b-ble!"
resistance is futile. |
Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
george bush rings superman and says
"our country is at war, why arent you helping our brave boys?"
superman replies "because im in a wheelchair, you thick ****"
superman and ken bigley are in a race to get into heaven. superman wins by a head.
what did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
"i cant see a thing for all this shit in here"
[addsig] |
kimcheeboi
Joined: Dec 19, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Abducted by hot blondes to Les
PM |
Three lesbians walk into a bar and sit down on bar stools. They start comparing how loose they are.
The first lesbian says, "I'm so loose, i can get a hand up there!"
The second lesbian says, "Oh yeah? I'm so loose I can get two hands up there!"
The third lesbian says, "Oh yeah?"
Ker-plunk!
[addsig] |
blackspot
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Philippines
PM |
In a restaurant in the 20th floor of a building, a lady approached the bar and wanted to start a conversation with the man next to her.
"What's that you're drinking?"
"Magic beer. Wanna see?"
"Sure!"
The man drank half a mug in one gulp, blinked twice, ran towards the window, jumped and flew circling the building and went back in, sat back next to the lady.
"Wow, that was impressive! bartender, can I have one of this magic beer please."
The lady drank half a mug of her magic beer in one gulp, blinked her eyes twice, ran towards the window, jumped, experienced 0g for a few seconds and splat on the ground below!
The bartender stared at the guy who is half-smiling.
"You know you're an a**hole when you're drunk, Superman."
resistance is futile. |
Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
what do you call an indian lesbian? mingeata
what do you call a lesbian dinosaur? lickalottapuss
[addsig] |
blackspot
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Philippines
PM |
Why does Batgirl refuse to go on a date with Batman? because Batman has Batbreath
What does Superman and a bearing have in common? Steel balls
resistance is futile. |
kimcheeboi
Joined: Dec 19, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Abducted by hot blondes to Les
PM |
"I went to a fight the other day and a hockey game broke out."
-George Carlin
[addsig] |
blackspot
Joined: Sep 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Philippines
PM |
Sports announcer: "... an uppercut, a hook to the right... Larry went for a counter jab to the chin, and followed it up with a straight reverse punch to the nose... Jim is down! Jim is down!... what a basketball match this is!"
resistance is futile. |
Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
a young couple are sat on the sofa kissing and cuddling late one night.
"i really need the toilet" he says
"no way, if you wake up my mum and dad theyll kill us" she replies
"but i really need to"
"well then go in the kitchen sink"
he goes and after 2 minutes he puts his head round the door and says
"you got any toilet paper?"
[addsig] |
kimcheeboi
Joined: Dec 19, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Abducted by hot blondes to Les
PM |
@Nature-
[addsig] |
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
PM |
keep it up fellas....i needed the laugh.....crappy week at work
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
Jake Blues
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
a young chinese couple are sat on the sofa late one night kissing and cuddling. they decide they should take the relationship further but neither of them know a lot about sex.
the guy says"well, i heard of this thing called a 69..."
she says get lost, im not cooking at this time night"
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a surgeon is performing his first operation of the morning on a sexy young blonde. he cuts her open and sees a live fish flapping inside her.
he says "whats a nice plaice like you doing in a girl like this?"
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at lunchtime the surgeon is having a round of golf with a nun.
he takes a swing for the ball and misses.
"goddamn it, i missed" he shouts
"dont take the lords name in vain" shouts the nun
the surgeon apologises and takes another swing and misses it again.
"goddamn i missed again" he shouts
"i warned you once" says the nun "next time something awful will happen"
the surgeon takes a 3rd swing and misses again.
"goddamn it, i dont believe this" he shouts
just then a bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and hits the nun. a voice comes booming down after shouting "goddamn it i missed"
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the surgeon goes back to the hospital and his first operation of the afternoon is on a sexy young blonde. he cuts her open and sees a live fish flapping inside her. when he sees the fish he knows he cut open in the wrong place. what else could he say but "coddamn it i missed"
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Posted: 2004-11-10 06:22
