| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Norway
PM, WWW
|
me too 
Sony Xperia 1 II, Xperia 5, Huawei P30 Pro | |
|
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
PM, WWW
|
|
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
PM |
Quote:
|
On 2003-08-30 09:45:54, ShawO wrote:
Quote:
|
On 2003-08-28 09:29:50, shithappens wrote:
baa....moo...wat's the difference
|
|
elementary my dear watson...
1s welsh... the other's u
|
|
very funny indeed!!!
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
PM, WWW
|
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"
|
Vlammetje
Joined: Mar 01, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Den Haag
PM, WWW
|
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
|
shaggyhog
Joined: Aug 13, 2003
Posts: 164
From: Scotland (in exile)
PM |
very funny!
naked old people  |
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
PM |
a penis!!!!
heard that one be4 but it's still good as hell.....
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
PM, WWW
|
|
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
PM, WWW
|
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo
Project, it took the astronauts
to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for
training.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son came
across the space crew walking
among the rocks.
The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a
question.
His son translated for the NASA people:
"What are these guys in the
big suits doing?"
One of the astronauts said that they were
practicing for a trip to the
moon.
When his son relayed this comment the
Navajo elder got all excited and
asked if it would be possible to give to the
astronauts a message to deliver
to the moon.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity
when he saw one, a NASA official
accompanying the astronauts said, "Why
certainly!" and told an underling to
get a tape recorder.
The Navajo elder's comments into the
microphone were brief. The NASA
official asked the son if he would translate
what his father had said.
The son listened to the recording and
laughed uproariously. But he
refused to translate. So the NASA people took
the tape to a nearby Navajo
village and played it for other members of the
tribe. They too laughed long
and loudly but also refused to translate the
elder's message to the moon.
Finally, an official government
translator was summoned. After he
finally stopped laughing the translator relayed
the message:
"Watch out for these assholes. They have
come to steal your land."
__________________________
A guy calls his buddy, a horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks "How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth".
So he shows him a prized filly.
"Nith lookin' horth............can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and gives the horse's eyes the once over.........
"Nith eyeth...........can I thee her earzth"?
So he picks the little fella up again and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth.........can I thee her mouf"?
The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouf...........can I thee her twat"?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's vagina, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrathe that:
Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?
|
Jowi
Joined: Feb 21, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Pilipinas
PM, WWW
|
> Two little old ladies were outside their nursing home,
> having a smoke, all of a sudden it started to rain. One of
> the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, and
> put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
>
> Lady 1: What's that you did.?
> Lady 2: It's a condom. I slide it over my cigarette and this way
doesn't
> get
> wet from the rain.
> Lady 1: Where did you get it?
> Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
>
> The next day, Lady 1 walks herself over to the local
> drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants
> a box of condoms.
>
> The guy, obviously a little embarrassed, looks at her kind
> of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age),
> but very delicately asks what brand she prefers ??.
>
> "Oh, It doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."
>
> The pharmacist gasp, then fainted and fell over backword. |
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
PM |
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
shaggyhog
Joined: Aug 13, 2003
Posts: 164
From: Scotland (in exile)
PM |
U guys make me laugh!
Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce, Bruce" she yelled. Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Strewth" Bruce said and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate). They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way. We can't do it"
Cobba said "Lets try Plan B." "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that"? "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the tiles under her and release the vacuum." replied Cobba "Spot on" Bruce said. "While your doing that, I'll stay here and play with her tits." "Play with her tits"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate?"
"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive". |
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
PM |
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" |
Eleventy7
Joined: Jul 05, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: the rotten oasis
PM, WWW
|
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right." His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!!!!"
______________________________
The pissed off cowboy walked into the bar and slammed his fist on the bar.
"Ok", he shouted, "Who's the son of a bitch that painted my horse's balls red"?
At the other end, a huge biker stood up, ripped the end of the bar out of the floor and slammed it back down. "I did asshole", he said. "What have you got to say about that"?
"Oh", said the cowboy. " I just thought I'd let you know... he's ready for his second coat."
___________________________
In the men's room this morning I was standing next to a very
fat fellow at a urinal when suddenly, for no discernible reason,
he confided in me that he hadn't seen his pecker in 15 years.
Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal
information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what else
to say and wanting to be helpful, I said..... "Why don't you diet?
Giving me a surprised stare, he said, "Dye it?" For God's sake,
"what color is it now?"
____________________________
A pompous minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the flight was airborne, the flight attendant came to get drink orders.
"I'll have a whiskey on the rocks, if that's okay, ma'am," said the cowboy.
The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.
"I'd rather be savagely raped a dozen brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips," he replied disgustedly.
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "Sorry, ma'am, I didn't know we had a choice."
|
shithappens
Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
PM |
True Bravery is arriving home late after a boys' nite out, wife waiting with the broom & u ask: "Are u still cleaning or are u flying somewhere" | |
|
Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
|
Posted: 2003-09-03 10:46
