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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
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I had a car accident the other day, it was my fault, I bumped into the back of another car, when the driver got out I felt even worse, he was only a 3 foot midget, he stormed up to me and shouted "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "which one are you then?"
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goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
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 LMAO
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fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
the last picture taken on the titanic...
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fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and
sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, "Let's take our clothes off, and work naked."
The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, "What if someone sees us?"
But the Mother Superior says, "Don't worry, no one will see us, we'll just lock the door."
So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work.
Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic.
Mother Superior runs to the door and calls through, "Who is it?"
"Blind man," a man's voice comes back.
So she opens the door, and lets in the blind man, who turns to the nuns
and says, "Great tits, ladies, now where do you want these blinds?"
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deluded
Joined: Sep 14, 2005
Posts: > 500
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Haha... Great jokes, keep them coming!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. |
fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
One day Joe and Mary are walking through the park, Mary tells Joe that she needs to pee and she cant wait any longer, So Joe being the perfect gentleman finds Mary a bush were she can take care of buisness.
Joe stands by the bush watching out for anyone coming there way. Whilst Joe is standing there he hears Mary taking her knickers down and becomes vey horny, So Joe bends down and puts his hand in the bush to give Mary a little tickle, but Joe feels somethig hanging down "hay Mary have u changed sex" ? Joe asks, No Mary replies I ve changed my mind im having a shit........
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crossmatched
Joined: Jan 05, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: RP
PM, WWW
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a lady in the bar approached the bar man and put her fingers into his mouth.
the bar man hungrily and lustily licked the lady's fingers.
the lady told the man: "tell your manager you ran out of tissues in the comfort room"...  |
himlims_nl
Joined: Apr 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
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please show us some more.
best entertainment at work
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antichrist
Joined: Sep 26, 2006
Posts: > 500
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john missed 4 days from school. on the fifth day, the teacher asks :"john, where have you been last 4 days?"
john:"well, my grandfather died"
t:"oh, i'm sorry to hear that... what happened to him?"
j:"well, the train ran over his finger"
t:"but it's hard to die if you lose a finger... there are so many people without a finger...."
j:"yes, but he was scratching his nose"
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raZr
Joined: Jan 11, 2007
Posts: 3
From: m'rashtra, !ndia
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Prime minister Obama Baraka from a vry backwrd African country visits USA. On his visit, he is very impressd to see how much technology has progressed in US.
he gets a nature's call and gets in Georg Bsh's laterine to pee. he does the job but finds no tap or bucket to wash it off.
he shouts frm inside "Bsh, hw shud i wash my ass?" Bsh replies "jst press the red button"
Obama finds the red button and presses it. as soon as he presses it, two hands get out frm d pot, get to his ass and wash it clean.
Obama, very impressed by this tech says "I'll hav it in my country too"
Few yrs l8r, G. Bsh visits Obama's country. on his visit, G. bsh gets a nature's call. he gets in Obama's laterine to pee. he does the job but finds no tap or bucket to wash it off.
he shouts frm inside "Mr. Obama, hw shud i wash my ass?" Obama replies "jst press the red button"
Bsh finds the red button and presses it. as soon as he presses it, two hands get out frm d pot, get to his ass and wash it clean.
Grg Bsh then gets out of the laterine and finds Mr. Obama washing his hands............ |
Tiny
Joined: Dec 04, 2006
Posts: 165
PM |
Dunno if this has been posted, but not reading through 117 pages 
A white man lives peacefully with a tribe in the rainforest for 30 years. During his 30th year the Chief of the tribe comes to talk to him. He says,
"Because you have been a member of our tribe for so long, we are giving you a warning. A baby has been born which is white and you are the only white person within this village. Therefore it is logical that you are the father of the baby. Our law dictates that we are to kill you because of this, but we will grant you half a day to leave before we come after you."
The man thinks on this a minute and then says,
"Chief, miracles happen everyday and all over the place. Look over there at those sheep. They all came from white parents yet that one is black. See chief, it is a miracle."
The chief then looks around and says,
"Ok, you say nothing about that sheep and I say nothing about that baby."
[ This Message was edited by: Tiny on 2007-06-11 20:27 ] |
KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
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One cold night there were 2 nurses walking through the morgue.
At that momment the first nurse asked the other nurse if she had ever had sex with a dead body. "no why?" she replied whats it feal like? "Its amazing! The other nurse said".
"I better not im on my periods", she replied
"Oh come on" said the other nurse, "its the ride of a life time!"
Finaly after the pressure of the other nurese, the woman agreed and had sex with the dead corpse. A few seconds later, when she caught her breath, she commented on how great it was, only to be interuptted by the dead body which jsut sat up: "Wow, its amazing what a blood transfussion can do these days!"
[ This Message was edited by: KingBooker5 on 2007-06-16 10:43 ] |
strizlow800
Joined: Aug 23, 2006
Posts: > 500
From: Macedonia, Skopje
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There was a PC gamer who was sent to the Hell after his death. And after some time spent there Satan calls god and tells him:
- Why did you sent me this idiot. He has killed all the demons, demolished everything and now three days is running around the halls and asking: "Where is the entering to the next level?".
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KingBooker5
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: > 500
From: London, England
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One day at school a few years ago, the teacher went in the class room and saw the word penus written on the chalk board.
She amediately rubbed it out and questioned all the kids in class but non owned up. The next day she came in the class and the word penus was written on the board but it was noticabley larger then the large writing.
She rubbed it out again, and questioned the class. Days past and the word Penus was always writen on the board and each day, it was always bigger then the day before, and each day the teacher rubbed it out.
However the next month it said somthing a bit diffrent
: "wow lady, that was a wonderfull expiriance, each day you rubbed me, I got larger and larger and when I couldnt get any bigger I resorted to this, the white substance your reading right now on the chalk board!" |
fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
A mans wife dies in Israel whilst on holiday.The official's say, we can bury your wife here for £150 or we can prepare and fly the body home for £15000.
The husband says "I want her flown home."
The official says "Why pay all that money when you can have a good funeral here for £150."
The husband replies "2000 years ago a man died in this country and 3 days later he rose from the dead.I just can't taking that f**king chance."
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Posted: 2007-05-24 19:51
Sony Ericsson software/hardware support! 
