| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick.
She found herself a filthy-rich 75 year old man. The plan was
to screw him to
death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in
spite of the
half-century age difference.
The night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for
him to come out
of the bathroom to come to bed.
When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a condom
to cover a
twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and
a pair of nose
plugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What
are those for?"
The elderly groom replied, "There are two things I can't
stand: the sound of a
woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."
_________________
Mark
mark@cruisequest.co.uk
www.cruisequest.co.uk
[ This Message was edited by: mhorton on 2002-06-22 22:37 ] | |
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arroyootje
Joined: Feb 01, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK-Belgium-Azerbaijan
PM |
 nice one |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
I thought so
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Eamonn
Joined: Nov 30, 2001
Posts: > 500
PM |
heheh
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mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
Got that from someone at work
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Eamonn
Joined: Nov 30, 2001
Posts: > 500
PM |
i need more
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mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
You need more what?
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Eamonn
Joined: Nov 30, 2001
Posts: > 500
PM |
i need more jokes u silly sausage
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mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
O right!!
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sooty
Joined: Mar 05, 2002
Posts: 88
From: Nijmegen, The Netherlands
PM |
A man in a gym locker picks up a cellphone.
"Hi Honey', the female voice says "Remember that furcoat, oh can I have it pleaaaazzzze ?"
Sure, the guy replies.
"And what about this Mercedes SLK I saw recently?", she asks.
No problem, he says.
"Can I call the constructors to build that swimming pool then?", she asks.
Off course, the man replies.
She hangs up ecstactically:"Thank you honey, I love you !"
The man looks around and asks: "Whose phone is this ?"
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john74
Joined: Dec 21, 2001
Posts: > 500
From: GREECE/AUSTRALIA
PM, WWW
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excellent one  |
lor
Joined: Mar 07, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: Planet Bob
PM |
sooty, that last joke was EXCELLENT
E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T
[addsig] |
mhorton
Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: UK
PM |
I have another joke for you!!!!!!!!!
Sir Alex Ferguson is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and has reached the million pound question.
Chris Tarrant says "Right Sir Alex, this is for one million
pounds, and remember,you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time.
Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a set? Is it
a) a badger
b) a ferret
c) a mole or
d) a cuckoo?
Fergie ponders for a while and says "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure. I'll have to go 50-50."
Chris says "Right, Sir Alex, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with."
"Badger" and "cuckoo" are the two remaining answers.
Fergie has a long think, then scratches his head and says "No, Chris, I'm still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend."
"So who are you going to call, Sir Alex?" says Chris.
"Hmmm..." ponders Fergie. "I think I'll call David Beckham."
So Tarrant phones David Beckham. "David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire'. I've got Sir Alex Ferguson here, and with your help he could win one million pounds. The next voice you hear will be Sir Alex's".
"Hello David" says Fergie. "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a set?
Is it a badger or a cuckoo?" "It's a badger, boss." says Becks without hesitation. "You sure, son?" says Fergie.
"Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a badger. Definitely."
"Right, Chris," says Fergie, "I'll go with David. The answer's a badger. Final answer."
"Sir Alex," says Chris, "that's the correct answer. You've won one million pounds!!" Cue wild celebrations.
Next morning at training, Fergie calls Beckham across. "Son, that was brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking a gamble giving you a call, but you played a blinder! But how the feck did you know that a badger lives in a set?" says Fergie.
"Oh I didn't, boss," replies Beckham, "but everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock."
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john74
Joined: Dec 21, 2001
Posts: > 500
From: GREECE/AUSTRALIA
PM, WWW
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Subject: The Princess
>>
>>
>> >
>> > Once upon a time there lived a king.
>> > The king had a beautiful daughter,
>> > the princess.
>> >
>> > But there was a problem.
>> > Everything the princess touched would melt.
>> > No matter what;
>> > metal,
>> > wood,
>> > stone,
>> > anything she touched would melt.
>> > Because of this, men were afraid of her.
>> > Nobody would dare marry her.
>> > The king despaired.
>> > What could he do to help his daughter?
>> > He consulted his wizards and magicians.
>> > One wizard told the king,
>> > "If your daughter touches one thing
>> > that does not melt in her hands,
>> > she will be cured."
>> >
>> >
>> > The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
>> >
>> > The next day,
>> > he held a competition.
>> > Any man that could bring his daughter an
>> > object that would not melt would marry her
>> > and inherit the king's wealth.
>> > Three young princes took up the challenge.
>> >
>> > The first prince brought a sword of the finest
>>steel.
>> >
>> > But alas,
>> > once the princess touched it,
>> > it melted.
>> > The prince went away sadly.
>> >
>> > The second prince brought diamonds.
>> >
>> > He thought diamonds are the hardest substance
>> > in the world and would not melt.
>> > But alas,
>> > once the princess touched them,
>> > they melted.
>> > He too was sent away disappointed.
>> >
>> > The third prince approached.
>> > He told the princess,
>> > "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what
>> > is in there."
>> > The princess did as she was told,
>> > though she turned red.
>> >
>> > She felt something hard.
>> > She held it in her hand.
>> >
>> > And it did not melt!!!
>> >
>> > The king was overjoyed.
>> > Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
>> > And the third prince married the princess
>> > and they both lived happily ever after.
>> >
>> > Question:
>> >
>> > What was in the prince's pants?
>> >
>> > (Scroll down for the answer)
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> > M&M's of course.
>> > They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
>> > [IMAGE]
>> > What were you thinking you pervert? |
sector11
Joined: Mar 21, 2002
Posts: 14
PM |
try this web site for joks
www.pics4fun.com | |
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Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
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Posted: 2002-05-14 16:37
