| Author |
Post Your funny Jokes Here |
sailaab
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: India
PM |
Ok maybe its an old repeat.. but then I sooo love everthin about Dubya  you know ...
The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Nice pigs, sir".
The president replied, "These are not pigs, these are authentic Texan Razorback hogs. I got one for Jenna and I got one for Barbara."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted,
and replied, "Nice trade, sir."  )
Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life! SE  TRIVIA | |
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goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous redhead eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of her socket towards the man. With his quick reflexes, he caught it in mid-air.
"Oh my god, I am sooooo sorry," the woman said as she popped her eye back in the socket. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invited him back to her place for a drink.
They went back to her house, and after a bit she brought him into the bedroom and began undressing him. The couple had wild, passionate sex many times during the night.
The next morning when he awoke, she had already gotten up and brought him breakfast in bed.
The guy was amazed. "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replied....
.......... just the ones that catch my eye!"
_______________________________________________________
A few days before his proctological exam, a one-eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.
He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed his instructions, undressed and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's butt was that glass eye staring right back at him!
"You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2007-02-09 14:45 ] |
sailaab
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: India
PM |
Anyone got/ heard/ saw- SMS texts or variants of this  ? Hillary Clinton at a rally, with shaved nether regions and NO panties ON.. message is simple- read my LIPS, this time no BUSH !!
Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life! SE TRIVIA |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that is has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names "cocktails", "highballs" and
just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink."
_________________
A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said,
"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket, can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a woman with t*ts like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere!"
[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2007-02-13 16:07 ] |
goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
A pathetic guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for
half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next
to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor
little guy starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck
driver."
I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man
crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between
sobs. "I can't do anything right... I overslept and was late to
an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the
parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance.
I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my
wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with
the gardener. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage
to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the
poison...
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goldenface
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Liverpool City Centre
PM |
A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a
head of lettuce.
The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell
only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to
see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,
"Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man
standingright behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman
has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the
way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like
people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey
players up there."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."
"No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
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sailaab
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: > 500
From: India
PM |
nice...
thou d last onez a oldie but goldie
Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life! SE TRIVIA |
fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel
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Burgaz
Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Cwmbranistan, S. Wales
PM, WWW
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Nice one reggie! 
I Fantasy Worlds and Disney Girls. Currently using: iPhone |
himlims_nl
Joined: Apr 06, 2004
Posts: > 500
PM |
On 2007-02-13 17:16:18, goldenface wrote:
A pathetic guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for
half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next
to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor
little guy starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck
driver."
I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man
crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between
sobs. "I can't do anything right... I overslept and was late to
an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the
parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance.
I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my
wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with
the gardener. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage
to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the
poison...
hahahah you made my day start with a laugh
thanks |
antichrist
Joined: Sep 26, 2006
Posts: > 500
PM |
jesus came to earth and met a man with long haird, unshaved, dirty cloths.he approached the man:
jesus:hi, i'm new here, can you show me the surrounding?
man: of course, come along
after some walking the man take out a bottle of water from his bag and drinks.
jesus: can i have some of that... i'm new here and i want some
man: here, take some
as they were walking, the man take out from his bag a sandwich.
jesus:can i have some of that? ....you know, i'm new here and i want to learn something...
man:if you want some....
the to guys finally arrived at the man's camp where everybody were drinking and smoking weed. the man took a cigar and started to smoke.
jesus: can i have some of that? you know i'm new here ....
man:dude, i can't let you have this because is very strong
j: now you made me very curious. can i have some?
m:you need some practice before smoking this shit.
j:then it's time for a first
m:ok, take one, but be careful
after both men smoked, jesus went to bed.
the next morning jesus approached the man
j:you know,you have been very kind with me and you deserve something; now i must say who i am: i'm Jesus
m:dude, i told you that shit is strong
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fatreg
Joined: Jul 26, 2003
Posts: > 500
PM |
whats a shitzu?
a zoo with no animals!
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deluded
Joined: Sep 14, 2005
Posts: > 500
PM |
Haha... That's a good one, short and sweet. Here's one, not sure if it's been posted before.
A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Brandi, You have to meet me halfway on this... You have to buy a ticket."
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. |
methylated_spirit
Joined: Jul 07, 2004
Posts: > 500
From: Bonnie Scotland
PM |
Whats 3 feet long and hates sex?
The boy in my cupboard
Hello, Scroto!
U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly! |
oneofthose
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 50
PM |
On 2007-03-27 20:08:43, methylated_spirit wrote:
Whats 3 feet long and hates sex?
The boy in my cupboard
meth,can't but hope you're a girl! An ugly girl! | |
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Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
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Posted: 2007-01-21 04:13
TRIVIA
