Posted by mince-inside
No this is not a cookery thread but a point of reference for advice from the wise old, sage like, Uncle Mince and Uncle Meths. We get a lot of PMs asking for our wise words on day to day life problems and decisions so in order to reduce our work load I thought I'd start this thread so the wonderful search engine on Esato can help you all in the future. Simply continue the PMs if you prefer to keep your anonymity (which we will always respect) or post direct on this thread.
A common one Meths and I discuss I will use as our first example
Case 1 - P900 owner with the secretary dilemma
I have had my own secretary of 3 months and she is really hot and we commonly work late at night. I know she's single and she flirts like mad with me. I'm married what shall I do?
M&M's Answer
Ahh the age old scenario of power being so attractive, what I always advise is play it safe. Enable BlueTooth on your P900 and set your Visible name to 'The Big Boss', make sure your secretary has a BlueTooth phone and now, as a married man, she can BJ you when ever she gets the urge.
_________________
Pictures in my head
Worst job ever! v's Dream Job V=
[ This Message was edited by: mince-inside on 2004-09-15 18:56 ]
Posted by kimcheeboi
Should i stop my drinking hooking up with girls and other acts of debauchery?
Posted by masseur
this reminds me of switchbitch's
Answers to all questions here
Posted by kimcheeboi
I like my uncles better! Lol
Posted by scotsboyuk
@mince and meths
Are you two actually the same person?
Posted by plasmadog
Dear M&M,
i have this strange rash on my back, it stinks and has a family of gnats living in harmony. can u have a look at it please?
thanks
sore soul.
Posted by whizkidd
Oh that looks like AIDS to me. ( Accidentally Initiated Dumbness Syndrome ) :-D
Posted by switchbitch
You two clowns, you are no match for the great switchbitch fountain of knowledge.
Yea i know who you two jakeys are, youre Ben Doon and Phil McAvity. You think youre clever little punks dont ya?? Well i wrote the book so step off before i have to turn your heads into lima beans and flick em off your shoulders!
Answers to all questions are HERE.
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[ This Message was edited by: switchbitch on 2004-09-03 05:25 ]
[ This Message was edited by: laffen on 2004-12-10 16:34 ]
Posted by plasmadog
thanks whiz!
(btw, latest scores
M&M - 0
whiz - 1
switchbitch- 0
Question 2.
i need a quick cure for hangover.
Posted by kimcheeboi
Gatorade
Posted by switchbitch
You need glucose, water and electrolytes such as sodium chloride, magnesium sulphate and potassium carbonate, all of which are contained in an isotonic sports drink such as lucozade.
Try drinking a large bottle of lucozade sport, and eat a couple of greasy sausages.
Posted by plasmadog
well, any substitute for gatorade, because it isn't available here yet.
but... thanks for the answers.
latest score
M&M- 0
whiz - 1
switch bitch - 0
kim -1
Question 3.
which is the best episode of seinfeld?
Posted by whizkidd
Try potassium cyanide. It solves all your problems. Once and for all!
Posted by plasmadog
hmm!!!
KCN? well well my young man!! that's a point deducted from your score!
lstest score:
M&M - 0
whiz - 0
switchbitch - 0
kim - 1
Posted by switchbitch
Either the gum or the pick.
Posted by whizkidd
Don't i give a damn about the scores but KCN no doubt solves all your, and still better, others problems. Makes the world a better place. (Read: gets rid of dumb a*****es)
Posted by plasmadog
gum was funny yeah!!!
hahahahaa.. good one!
thankx
NO MORE SOUP FOR YOU!!!
updt:
M&M - 0
whiz- 0
switchbitch - 1
kim -1
next q:
whenever i meet this chick who has a huge upper body mass
i find myself looking down instead of straight. this eventually leads to some complications and some black eyes.
what do i do? (extra point if u can tell me how to get rid of black eyes in an instant)
Posted by plasmadog
well, a******es make the world go round.
so i give u an extra point for honesty (har har!)
M&M- 0
whiz - 1
switchbitch - 1
kim - 1
Posted by whizkidd
Black eyes are stubborn things. They don't fade away without giving a fight. But if you are hit in only one eye, and if you are a type who is concerned about your looks, tell the girl (or her boyfriend) to hit you with an equal amount of force on the other eye. Things would be in proportion then! :-D
Posted by whizkidd
Do i get a point for that? I am least bothered about points, but still......
Posted by plasmadog
oh,
u want a point now do ya?
fine.. i'm giving u the points because uncles M&M are asleep
M&M -0
whiz- 2
kim -1
switchbitch -1
congrats!
next q
what is a jiminy wrench?
Posted by whizkidd
Stumped me on that 'un. I tried a google search but of no avail. I have a problem too. Q: I've been working on the computer for the last four years, but can't type fast or use both hands. Is this what you call technically challenged?
Posted by *Jojo*
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@scotsboyuk - Very much right here! Also, in the past I am quite in a skeptical mode that you and @switchbitch are just one and the same guy as well !
Posted by mince-inside
@meths I'll answer @switch's veiled problems, I shall allow you to take your pick
Note: Meths do you think we should enlist a locum for the night shift? In this 24hr environment as some problems may need urgent attention
Posted by methylated_spirit
Hello and a very merry morning to all you problemites, if you have any problems that you need help with, then this is the place! Why, just this morning I helped a young lady. She was talking to her friend on the bus about how she wanted her own place but couldn't afford it, and i kindly offered to knock her up so the council would give her a flat! The power of kindness at work!
To the gentleman with the rash, i would advise a healthy diet and plenty of exercise. And stay away from rabid dogs in future.
@switchbitch: We are a problem-solving duo, while you are just one person, we feel that between us we can cover most topics, whereas you would struggle with some. Probably wife/girlfriend issues.
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Hello, Scroto!
P800,P900,LG8110
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2004-09-03 09:18 ]
Posted by mince-inside
@switchbitch - I detect a lot of anger in your posts, don't worry this anger is very common in single ladies in their 20's -> 30s. I call it Spinster Fear. Sadly I suspect you are proof that some ugly ducklings turn into ugly ducks and as a result you have thrown your self into academia (or is it google?) in order to make you self more attractive to men. Your frustration speaks volumes in your posts, try and be nicer and it will pay dividends(you never know @jojo may come knocking). My final piece of advise to a girl who has 'fallen out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down' is give it until your late thirties before your try lesbianism again - it's becoming more and more trendy.
Posted by methylated_spirit
We are looking for an individual to run the night shift, if you wish to be considered, please post your bra size and we will pm the successful applicant.
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
P800,P900,LG8110
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2004-09-03 09:28 ]
Posted by methylated_spirit
Our problem-sharing forum isnt just for you people, its for me and mince too. I have a question, mince. Everyone knows the cheetah is the fastest land mammal, but is it the fastest living creature?
EDIT: Just reading back, whizkidd has hijacked our thread. What do you think, mince? We could employ him as a workey. Not too sure about his bra size though.
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
P800,P900,LG8110
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2004-09-03 09:48 ]
Posted by mince-inside
@meths this is not an area for general knoweldge questions but more problems, but as you asked I'd have to say a diving member of Falcon family
Posted by Burgaz
I've found two french bread pizza's in the bottom of my freezer... It would seem as tho some clever bastid has thrown out the outer packaging with all the cooking instructions on? So my question is... How long do i cook them for and at what temperature? And do you reckon they are safe to eat as i don't know how long they've been there....
Posted by methylated_spirit
Are they McCain? McCain French bread pizzas are gas mark 7, 25 minutes or until cheese has melted. Ensure food is piping hot before serving. I wouldnt worry about the best before date, frozen food is generally okay.
Posted by mince-inside
@Burgaz - do you have anything else in the house to eat? If you do I'd remove from the freezer and sell them at the local park to dog owners as the latest Toy/Treat - a Tomato and Cheese Frizbee
Posted by Burgaz
What's gas mark 7 in degree celcius? I don't know what brand they are as i have no outer packaging!!?
I don't think french bread pizza would make too good a frisbee... as they're not round... You guys should really read the questions a bit better...
I'm losing faith already!
[ This Message was edited by: Burgaz on 2004-09-03 09:56 ]
Posted by mince-inside
@Burgaz - how about a Cheese and Tomato Stick?
(as you may guess I don't keep frozen food in my freezer and I was unaware of the French attempt on the Italian Pizza market - will attempt to read future posts with more care)
Posted by methylated_spirit
In fairness, burgaz, i didnt know it wasnt a gas oven. Mince, these people need our help, pay more attention.
Gas mark 7 is 220 degrees centigrade, and 425 degrees farenheit.
Enjoy your meal!
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
P800,P900,LG8110
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2004-09-03 10:13 ]
Posted by Burgaz
Feck... I put them in on 180... It is fan assisted tho...
Posted by Vlammetje
220 normal oven usually is 200 fan assisted oven though (or so the packags of the food tell me
)
Posted by whizkidd
This is slowly becoming a cookery thread.
Posted by Burgaz
The finished product...
With a "Green" side salad of course...
Thanks M&M...
You guys are the Shit!
[ This Message was edited by: Burgaz on 2004-09-03 11:06 ]
Posted by Vlammetje
bit early ain' it?
Posted by Burgaz
Never too early for breakfast...
Posted by methylated_spirit
There you go! Next problem.
Posted by Vlammetje
i am addicted to esato. How do I get rid of that habit?
Posted by whizkidd
Thats simple. Donate your Z600 and you PC to poor souls like me.
Posted by mince-inside
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Hello @Vlammetje, Are you dependent on Easto?
Posted by methylated_spirit
You dont. Its great.
If you really are serious about it, sell your computer and phone, and spend the money developing a drug habit, then you wont care about Esato. People have an emptiness in their lives. Some fill it with religion, art, drugs, or the internet. If you want to lose the internet, you will have to fill the void in your life with something else.
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
P800,P900,LG8110
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2004-09-03 11:15 ]
Posted by Burgaz
I've got a drug problem...
Posted by switchbitch
Im a dude, you dumb faggots. You two grammar school twats are an insult to our country.
Chicks and bra sizes happen to be my forté. I can in fact, guess a chicks bra size from a quick swatch of her paps.
I didnt, however, come to esato to have to sort out a couple of fannies like you. If i wanted to do that id be a gynaecologist.
So pipe down and remember, ELF is watching you.
Posted by mince-inside
SNAP Wooo there... (@switchbitch bites)
@meths I got him hook line and sinker
Posted by methylated_spirit
@switch: go to fhm.com the 100 greatest games, and play guess her bra size. I got 78 out of 100. If you can beat that, then you may diss.