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Pinoy Funny Jokes


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Posted by clark27
Si Ahmed ay isang high-ranking official sa korte ni Haring Akbar.
Matagal nang pinakamimithi ni Ahmed na pagsawaang madede ang malulusog na dibdib ng Reyna. Tuwing mapapadaan si Ahmed sa harapan ng Reyna ay gayon na lamang ang pagkasiphayo ng kanyang kalooban. Isang araw, ipinagtapat ni Ahmed ang kinikimkim niyang pagnanasa sa pangunahing tagapayo ng Hari, si Birbal. Umiiyak na nagmakaawa si Ahmed kay Birbal upang tulungan siya sa kanyang suliranin. Pinag-isipan ni Birbal ang bagay na iyon, at pumayag siyang tulungan si Ahmed sa kondisyon na kapag natupad ang ninanasa ni Ahmed ay babayaran siya ni Ahmed ng 1,000 gintong kuwalta. Agad na sumang-ayon si Ahmed. Humingi si Birbal kay Ahmed ng kalahating tasang laway nito. Isinangkap ni Birbal ang laway ni Ahmed sa mahiwagang losyon. Kinabukasan, habang naliligo ang Reyna,
ipinahid ni Birbal ang mahiwagang losyon sa bra nito. Matapos isuot
ng Reyna ang bra ay nagsimulang mangati ang mga suso nito. Habang nagtatagal ay lalong sumisidhi ang pangangati ng boobs ng Reyna, kaya ganoon na lamang ang pag-aalala ng Hari. Hindi makatulog ang Reyna dahil sa pangangati ng kanyang boobs, at syempre pa ay bwisit na bwisit ito. Kung sinu-sino ang kinunsulta ng Hari, kabilang si Birbal, at nagkaisa sila na ang makagagamot sa karamdaman ng Reyna ay isang espesyal na laway na kailangang ilagay sa loob nang apat
na oras. Isiniwalat ni Birbal na ang espesyal na laway ay matatagpuan
sa bibig ni Ahmed. Ipinatawag ni Haring Akbar si Ahmed, at inatasan itong dedehin nang apat na oras ang dibdib ng Reyna. Apat na oras na singkad na nagpapasasa si Ahmed sa suso ng Reyna na mistulang asong ulol. Dinilaan niya iyon, kinagat, pinisil-pisil, nilamas, nilamutak. Nakamit ni Ahmed ang matagal na niyang hinahangad. Pagkalipas ng apat na oras ay masayang-masaya si Ahmed. Nang magtagpo sila ni Birbal at sinisingil siya nito, tumangging magbayad si Ahmed at ipinagtabuyan niya si Birbal. Alam ni Ahmed na hindi makapagsusumbong si Birbal kay Haring Akbar. Minaliit ni Ahmed ang talino ni Birbal. Kinabukasan, ipinahid ni Birbal ang mahiwagang losyon sa underwear ni Haring Akbar. Muling ipinatawag ni Haring Akbar si
Ahmed...

Tuloy ko pa bang kuwento?


Posted by zairak
wala ka na namang magawa clark pero sige tatawa na rin ako

Posted by Lopio
bwahahaha

Posted by doctabako
Nice one clark, keep it coming :-D

Posted by clark27
@doc: tnx tom naman para d maubusan ng bala

Posted by kylerix04
clark anu na nman ba itu???? barker ka muna....... hehehehehehe
galaw2 ka bka ka mastroke kagaya ni zairak..... peace!!!

Posted by Vlammetje
This thread just came outta nowhere.... i guess it must be 'real' garbage!

Anyway I could only understand one post anyway: 'bwahahaha' by Lopio......

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
how did they make a new post here? you cant create new topics.. maybe it was real garbage and laffen put it here.. well.. we welcome you to our section of this forum!

Posted by clark27
@nocturnalchipmunk: tnx!!!! maybe our asian moderator transferred it here before it was posted under asia pacific since its contents are more jokes that why it's suited on this index and u can't create directly a new thread under garbage.

Mabuhay tayong mga Pilipino!!!

This is a true incident:
A 70 year old 'lolo' from the province was accompanied by a grandson
to the US Embassy in Manila for his VISA interview. The lolo spoke
not a word of English so the grandson translated for him.The consul
told the young man to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to
the States. "Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?"
the grandson translated. "Sabihim mo gusto kong makita yung mga
anak ko doon." "He said he wants to see his children there."
Fair enough, that's what the lolo's application indicated.
The consul had another question. "Ask him why does he have to go
there? Why can't his children just come and visit him here?"
The grandson translated this in Tagalog.
Lolo replied: "Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga
anak ko. Nakita na nila and Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang
Amerika bago ako mamatay." (Translation: "Tell him, my children
were born here. They've seen the Philippines already. I just want
to see America before I die.")
The heartless consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any
emotion, that he was rejecting the visa application because the
applicant was unable to speak a word of English.
"Reject daw yung visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles."
The lolo was equally unimpressed. "Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag
mong papalitan ang sasabihin ko. P_____ ina niya, bakit siya nandidito
eh hindi naman siya marunong mag-Tagalog."
Translated: "He said- you son of a bitch, how come you are here...
you do not know how to speak in Tagalog."
Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul relented and
approved lolo's visa application in pronto.



Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
haha these guys are hilarious!! (what are they saying? )

Posted by Vlammetje


Posted by tom_riddle
ang galing galing ni clark!!! idol talaga kita!!

Translation:

clark is great, clark is good!!!! he is my idol!!

(note: he gave me a brand new T68i to post that)


Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
ang galing galing ni clark!!! idol talaga kita!!

(now.. where's my t68i? )

Posted by clark27
forwarded to me by my friend through email
@tom: don't mention it pare!!!!

Subject: A guy from prison
A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15
years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.
He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him
up on a chair, ties up the woman to the
bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then
gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes!
He probably spent a lot of time in prison,and has not seen a woman in
years. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets
angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you" To which the wife responds, "I am glad you think that way. Sure, he
has not seen a woman in years, but he was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom... Be strong, honey. I love you too."

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
deja vu! just kidding!

Posted by Jowi
Quote:

On 2003-05-20 21:41:00, Vlammetje wrote:

Anyway I could only understand one post anyway: 'bwahahaha' by Lopio......




Read the title: PINOY funny Jokes

Posted by francine
@Vlamm / Chip - hahahaha! seriously, PINOY is a colloquial term for Filipinos.. so the thread is for filipino jokes...
ANYWAY.......... maybe we can start contaminating this thread!!! BWAHAHAHA *francine with her evil laugh*

Posted by cyanx7
i'd like to hear that laugh...

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
Edit: i love asians.. i am asian..

_________________
Yeah, I'm that dead guy people used to call Punky..
I shall find my killer, Vlammetje, and sleep with her Sorry Bender
Taste the rainbow, sweetheart!

[ This Message was edited by: nocturnalchipmunk on 2003-05-23 06:37 ]

Posted by francine
WATCH IT CHIP !!!! WHAT DID THEY EVER DO TO YOU ANYWAY???!!! IS IT A CRIME IF THEY ARE SMARTER THAN YOU, BETTER YET, SPEAK BETTER THAN YOU???!!!! WATCH UR MOUTH OR I'LL HAVE YOU PETITIONED TO BE KICKED OUT OF ESATO!!!!WE DO NOT DISCRIMINATE HERE!!! *FRANCINE IN HER SPECIAL OCCASSION DOMINATRIX LATEX*

[ This Message was edited by: francine on 2003-05-23 03:27 ]

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
wow.. i didn't know it would hurt you that much.. anyways.. i wasn't discriminating!!.. i was just saying that these guys at my school... ARG! nevermind!!

Posted by cyanx7
Quote:
FRANCINE IN HER SPECIAL OCCASSION DOMINATRIX LATEX*



i'd like to SEE that!!!...



Posted by Caveman
Francine in latex ?

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
just wait until her preschool students see this...

Posted by kapitan jackal
@* now she's mad

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
..why..? ..what did we say..?


Posted by binoblaine05
hahahahaha........

Posted by jellyellie
that's the spirit guys... now, where are the rest of us? i think we've hijacked this thread

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
this is the only garbage thread without that little flaming icon next to it! ...we can fix that

Posted by cyanx7
nicely pointed out, chip!!!!

it's not acceptable people!!!! let's make the MOST out of every piece of garbage they throw at us!!!!

POST!!!! POST!!!! POST!!!!

Posted by shithappens
when the boss says JUMP!!! one only asks how high???

let us all make this thread a reputable one too......

Posted by cyanx7
POST away!!!!

do it goddamit!!!!

it isn't flaming yet...

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
what are you talking about? it's been flaming since Mr. Sh*tter's post!

Posted by cyanx7
IT DOESN'T MATTER!! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSST!!!

Posted by Jowi
hahahaha...hijackers!!!!

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
hijackers? us? you came HERE! you hijacked our garbage!! (oh no.. is this going to be just like se-man's (semen ) thread?)

Posted by Vlammetje
Right. Lemme post first, then think about all this....

Posted by cyanx7
i can see the smoke from down here already!

Posted by Vlammetje
AH! Burning!!! I Likes!!! I've always had a bit of an arsonist (is that the word??) in me. Must be the name...

Posted by cyanx7
that is the name. are u atracted to firemen, Vlamm?

Posted by Vlammetje
No hon, it's in MY name...

I've never seen a fireman up close and personal, so I dunno.

Posted by Jowi
im not burned yet...hahahaha

Posted by cyanx7
it's just a matter of time, jowi...

Posted by Vlammetje
Don't come too close Jowi or you will!!!

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
arrr mateys! where be dis darn fire? arrr.... !!!!!

Posted by tom_riddle
i think we should call the national bureau of investigation together with the bureau of immigration. we've been attacked by aliens!

Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
...ive been probed!!

Posted by francine
ohhhhh yes you are!!!

Posted by Vlammetje


Posted by francine
hiya Vlamm.... remember not to burn Jowi too much... I might not be able to recognize the poor fella...


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