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Post Your funny Jokes Here |
who_am_i
Joined: May 31, 2009
Posts: 0
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THAT is how Bhasa is!! didnt get the joke here
On 2009-10-04 06:34:00, occupied wrote:
INDONESIA JOKE
Department of Justice = Departemen Keadilan? Secretary of Treasury = Sekretaris Perbendaharaan? Departemen Agama = Department of God. Menteri Agama = Secretary of God.
Fashion = Fesyen? Ejaculation = Ejakulesyen?
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Nama?
Tony.
Nama Lengkap?
Auzubillah minasai Tony rojim
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Have pun.
FOODNOTE (it's foodnote, not bootnote. don't laugh, i'm baffled!)
apparently many publications speak worse english than me.
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who_am_i
Joined: May 31, 2009
Posts: 0
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one of Morty Storm's creations.. but with some additions
Have read it soo often over the years, but never saw it at Esato
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Dog Named Sex
Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something. I call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I was looking for Sex."
My court case comes up next Thursday.
One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old."
He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex."
He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too."
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the Judge said, "Me too."
When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me too."
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely."
The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"
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who_am_i
Joined: May 31, 2009
Posts: 0
PM |
.
India and Pakistan's nuclear peeing contest...
India:"I can hit further than you!"
Pakistan:"No I can!"
India:"NO I can!!!"
found it funny  |
occupied
Joined: Feb 24, 2007
Posts: 99
From: Middle of Nowhere
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HUTCH
Q: How do you know somebody working for Hutch (NYSE: HTX) or Vodafone?
A: He who works for Hutch would sneeze: HUTCH.. HUTCH.. HUTCHIIIISON.
CHARON
Q: What would be Sharon Stone's name if she's born in Bangkok?
A: Charon Ctone.
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who_am_i
Joined: May 31, 2009
Posts: 0
PM |
Politics Explained The Kids Way
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
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masseur
Joined: Jan 03, 2003
Posts: > 500
From: Sydney, London
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The Zen of Sarcasm
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and leaky tire
3. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper,
that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes
9 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12 If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up
AND
22 .. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
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deluded
Joined: Sep 14, 2005
Posts: > 500
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@masseur, I've read most of them before, but they still made me grin when I read them again. Good one, it's just the thing I need to brighten up my bad day. Thanks! |
occupied
Joined: Feb 24, 2007
Posts: 99
From: Middle of Nowhere
PM |
What's Japanese word for same-sex intercourse?
Assuka. |
who_am_i
Joined: May 31, 2009
Posts: 0
PM |
no offence meant
(I too am from India)
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The Great Indian Magic
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China.
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
"I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" Replies the official. |
who_am_i
Joined: May 31, 2009
Posts: 0
PM |
for those interested.. guidelines to have.. Safe.. |
who_am_i
Joined: May 31, 2009
Posts: 0
PM |
Woman takes 16-year-old daughter to Doctor
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant -- about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!" |
nicv27
Joined: Oct 15, 2002
Posts: > 500
From: kent
PM |
2 Irishmen working in a field, Paddy is digging holes, Mick is filling them in.
After 9 holes a woman asks,
"Why are you digging a hole & the other lad is filling it in?"
Paddy replies, "There's usually 3 of us, but the lad who plants the trees phoned
in sick today."!
Samsung Galaxy S3 White iPad 2 32gb 3G +16/-0 Twitter.nicv27 |
occupied
Joined: Feb 24, 2007
Posts: 99
From: Middle of Nowhere
PM |
Thesaurus: hero = male hero, heroine = female hero. cocaine = female cocksucker, coca = male cocksucker. |
occupied
Joined: Feb 24, 2007
Posts: 99
From: Middle of Nowhere
PM |
I can't believe it! British Broadcasting Corporation has taken Republican side!
Why so?
Can't you hear that in the beginning of news they always say "from Bush's House..."?
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mysterio
Joined: May 08, 2009
Posts: 174
From: United Kingdom
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yo mammas so short you can see her legs in a passport
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Access the forum with a mobile phone via esato.mobi
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Posted: 2009-10-04 11:45
