Posted by scotsboyuk
Honey I'm home!
Posted by haynesycop
about time!
sometimes i think you love the pub more than me
Posted by scotsboyuk
Come on ba ..baby .. hic ... is that ... hic ... hic any ... any ... any ... anyway to talk ... to hic ... your loving ... loving ... sweet ... loving ... love of your life ... hic ?
Posted by haynesycop
dont wind me up mr, were have you been, who were you with, what were you doing?
Posted by scotsboyuk
I've been at work all day trying to earn enough to keep you in silk knickers and that's the welcome I get? Not even a 'here's your pipe dear' or 'let me rub' your feet dear'?!
I don't know why I put up with his! Your sister was always better looking anyway!
_________________
"I may be drunk my dear woman, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly." WSC
[ This Message was edited by: scotsboyuk on 2005-07-01 19:48 ]
Posted by haynesycop
You finished work 3 hours ago, you come in sticking of whiskey, while i have been here all day looking after the triplets
and you wonder why i am angry
men
*slams door*
Posted by scotsboyuk
Triplets?! Where did they come from? I don't have any kids with you? It's that window cleaner isn't it?! What's his name? Donny Dangley, that's the one! Spill it you hussy! His shammy's been used on more than windows here!
Posted by paulbang
Hi dad its me your adopted son . . . I don't speak very well and an not good at school either. I do my bit by helping with the triplets who look just like you. I also play the guitar and like mom a lot. You can show me the door but i'll always be here sitting outside in the rain
Posted by scotsboyuk
Another kid?! I don't remember any of you? When did we adopt you? Are you sure we adopted you? Your a bit on the ugly side, but maybe I was smashed when I signed the papers.
Posted by haynesycop
it is not my fault you have slow swimmers, a trip to the sperm bank was the only way for as to become parents *sniff*
donny dangler
which is more than can be said for you
what about deidre from personell, she has been getting more than personal with you!
dont deny it, i saw lipstick stain on your shirt
you @£*/$!*
Posted by scotsboyuk
Your a common strumpet, but that's low even for you! You know fine well that my sperm count was damaged after that time your whale of a mother punched for stealing her Mars bar!
As for what I'm packing, Dierdre certainly isn't complaining, nor was your sister or half the street! That's right I can be trampy as cheap as you!
Posted by haynesycop
well if thats the case then pack your bags and go!!!
then i can move your dad in
yes thats right
he has been hitting all the right spots ever since we were married unlike his son
Posted by scotsboyuk
Papa? Not papa? No it can't be! You moster! Is it not enough that you look like you've been dragged backwards through the grocery counter at Sainsbury's, but you have to ruin my father's life too? No wonder he's in a wheelchair, your insatiable lust has paralysed the poor man.
I didn't realise you had any 'right spots' to hit what you being so cold and everything. Anyway here's something to keep you warm, papa's a woman, he had the op a few years back.
_________________
"I may be drunk my dear woman, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly." WSC
[ This Message was edited by: scotsboyuk on 2005-07-01 20:14 ]
[ This Message was edited by: scotsboyuk on 2005-07-01 20:17 ]
Posted by haynesycop
as for being dragged backwards through the grocery counter at sainsburys
of course, how else do you think i got promoted!!!
your father and me have something in common then, that single hair on my chin wont go away for a reason you know
Posted by scotsboyuk
I should have know! All the signs were there, the borrowing of my razor; leaving the toilet seat up; the fact that you sing baritone in the church choir. I thought you had just inherited your mother's looks though.
Well I'm actually pleased you're aman, you see I'm gay. I've been having it off with your father and your mother, who's actually a man. Oh and I hate your cooking!
Posted by tranquil
You two sound like an old married coupple on the edge of devorce!
I dont know wether to lock this of wack it off in to the Garbage.
Posted by scotsboyuk
Oh here comes tranquil from next door? Are you looking at my wife .. er my husband I mean?
_________________
"I may be drunk my dear woman, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly." WSC
[ This Message was edited by: scotsboyuk on 2005-07-01 20:37 ]
Posted by tranquil
No, it's the coppers looking in to a report of potential domestic disorder. The Party is too loud. The whole neighbourhood is complainig.
Posted by haynesycop
thats rich coming from the biggist slut this town has ever seen
did i say slut i meant gigalo no slut
well you do have abit of both in you
Posted by scotsboyuk
It's her officer, she's got her mother walled up behind the cooker to get the inheritance. Check her knicker drawers, she stashes stolen lollipops there as well. She beats me! For the love of God man, she beats me! I brought her flowers the other night, but they were the wrong shade of violet; she pulled my hair and gave me a wedgie. I ran from this house screaming in terror, she would have given me a Chinese burn if she could. You've got to lock that b***h away! For the love of Cher do something!
Posted by scotsboyuk
How can you say that darling after all we've been through? Does that night in the gutter mean nothing to you? Does the time I scraped my vomit from your side of the bed count for nothing? Do you not consider all the times I've thought of you when I've been with other women, that's devotion baby, that's true love!
Posted by tranquil
Sir, I believe her fury is related to you lack of ability to please her as a man. These lolipops in the knicker drawers might look like lolipops but you see the button at the end there? If I turn the lolipop on you see it's ment for elsewhere on a female body than a lolipop.
Her beating you might be a way for her to get your attention?
Posted by haynesycop
spot on officer
maybe you could teach my husband a thing or too
are you married officer (she blushes and flickers eyelashes)
Posted by tranquil
Maam, Im used to taking the wate out in the garbage, so I have to admit I am happily marrid since 1995.
Posted by scotsboyuk
Why don't you join us officer. I'm a bisexual and my wife here is a transvestite who is actually a man that ha sbeen sleeping with a man who used to be a woman. Why not join us, we could certainly use your truncheon there.
*whisper* Right when she's not looking you bash he ron the head with your truncheon ... what? no your police truncheon ... what? no metal stick! ANyway, you bash her with that and we'll take the lollipops and flee to Scoolhorpe where we can live out our lives as a couple of elderly spinster transvetites.
Posted by haynesycop
oh officer what a shame
looks like i will be sticking with my lollipop my huswife is no match for a good old drumstick
Posted by scotsboyuk
I'm surprised you aren't sick of drumsticks seeing as your mother has two of them for legs. Didn't stop her from giving me friction burns on my shouders with them though!
Posted by tranquil
Sir, it is not in my job description to please th customers.
Posted by scotsboyuk
So your wife has been telling me officer.
Posted by tranquil
She told me you were not in any shape, even when sober, to plaese anyone what so ever... (
back at you)
Posted by mrao
Scene 2
Ding Ding Da Da....the crazy frog screams out fron scottys Nokia....scotty whips it out and sees Dierdre's name flashing on the display....oops ...along with a very compromising pic...ooh, the dangers of technology....ms c has already spotted it....and....
Posted by scotsboyuk
That's police harrassment!
I'm sick of this sham of a marriage, I want a divorce. Let's do it on Jerry Springer!
Posted by DJcreamz
Mummy whos that man?
Posted by scotsboyuk
Which mummy are you speaking to? Me or the trollop?
Posted by Davo_169
**knock knock**
"i have come, to clean zee pool"
Posted by haynesycop
deidre again why you little !@%$*&?
you are at it again with that little trollop
but hey i know how much you love you mum
they could have been separated at birth..............
Posted by vanquish
Welcome scots! Welcome back old boy.
Posted by methylated_spirit
Oh scotty, how I've missed you! Top stuff from the pair of you!
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2005-07-04 11:37 ]
Posted by scotsboyuk
@meths
I never knew you cared!
