The Wittiest posts + Funniest Threads

On 2004-10-31 02:19:54, scotsboyuk wrote:

@all

I don't quite understand this obsession some people have with deriding SE because they release mobile phones that don't have 40 GB hard drives; processors capable of a teraflop; holographic displays; flux capacitors; teleporters; in-built toasters; washer-dryers; DVD players; particle accelerators; ray guns; fridges; desk lamps; microscopes; space capsules capable of atmospheric re-entry; guitars; hedge trimmers; luggage compartments; waffle makers; kennels for one's dog when one is away; lasers; orange peelers; enough RAM to run a marathon; scratchproof screens able to withstand a bullet; the abilty to transform into open top sports cars; bottles of orange squash for hot days; dinner suits for impromtu gala evenings out; cases made of the same material used for the space shuttle; cold fusion reactors and any number of other rediculous features.

SE make good quality mobiles, which include a number of excellent features. No manufacturer will ever make the perfect mobile, to say that this is a sign of a company being 'boring' is nonsense.

_________________
"I may be drunk my dear woman, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly." WSC

[ This Message was edited by: scotsboyuk on 2004-10-31 13:03 ]

On 2003-11-13 16:16:12, scotsboyuk wrote:
Let's imagine the scenario shall we ...

CHRISTMAS DAY

Christmas morning and your all excited by your fantastic new DVD. You are beaming with pride, ruffling the kid’s hair, kissing the wife and relaxing in your slippers by a roaring open fire enjoying a glass of Christmas port.
Everyone is basking in the glow of the wonderful TV. The picture is so crisp and sharp; James Bond has never looked as good as on this TV.
As the day winds down you are still beaming with pride at your wonderful present. Friends and family coming around in the days to follow are congratulating you on such a wonderful gift; nobody wants to leave as they are all enjoying such a marvellous gift.
As the Christmas cheer winds down and Hogmanay looms ever nearer you are in the pub one night with your mates. Everyone is having a rousing time, charging their tankards and looking forward to a jolly good New Year.
As the banter continues the inevitable question come sup, "What did you get for Christmas?" Your friends start pulling out phones from their pockets, proudly showing off the latest Samsung and the best Nokia on the market. Smirking you reach into your pocket for that precious P900 ... but wait, you didn't want the P900, no you wanted the TVDVD. Your friends are waiting for you to produce your phone.
The lights in the pub seem to grow dimmer, your friend’s voices seem farther away, the festive crap from Shaking Stevens dies away in the background, your head is getting wet with perspiration, your hands are clammy in your pocket, your throat is getting scratchy and your mouth is suddenly dry.
You remove your hand from your pocket and produce your P800. "Yeah that's nice," your mate says to you, his words loaded with condescension and pity. "Didn't you already have that?" another mate asks you.
"Yes" you mumble in a feeble, almost embarrassed voice, "it isn't new, I got a TVDVD for Christmas."
"Nice" your mate says, disinterest in the TVDVD that he has already seen dripping from his comment. Of course, you can impress them with your TV's features, of course you could do if it didn't weigh the same as you and didn't fit in your pocket to take down to the pub and impress your friends with.
As your mates show each other their brand new phones, all shiny and sexy, your mind wanders back to your TV, sitting alone in your cold, dark, gloomy sitting room, untouched and unloved. A sip of your Guinness provides little comfort.

HOGMANY

You are hosting a crushingly super Hogmanay bash, all your friends are round and everyone is having a fantastic time. The horror of that night at the pub is receding in your mind.
The night wears on, the bells have sounded and overweight relatives are embarrassing themselves with pathetic impressions of overweight singers singing songs nobody has heard since they were first released on vinyl.
Your eyes suddenly catch sight of your uncle George, a fat drunkard of a man, prone to imbibing a little too much cheer at this time of year. He is staggering towards your TV!!!!
Your body races into action, you throw yourself at him trying to stop him swaggering into your precious gift. Its too late, the fat oaf trips on the remote control for the thing sending the bowlful of chicken dripping with grease he was holding flying into the air. The bowl crashes through the room like an artillery shell, its target ... your TV!
There is a thunderous silence in the room as you kneel in front of your TV, broken glass from its once proud screen littering the floor, grease and chicken fat dripping on your carpet, mixing with your tears to form a sticky puddle.
One of your mates steps up with his camera phone and takes a picture of the scene, as he presses the camera button he comments idly "This would be better if I had video capture". Your mind drifts away from the scene, thinking back to that crisp November morn when you remarked oh so casually to your loving wife that you did indeed want the TVDVD ...

You wake up in a cold sweat, it was all a dream you suddenly realise. Like Scrooge before you, you realise that you have another chance, turning to your beloved lying asleep beside you you, you smile and make up your mind to do what's right for you and your family. Sweet thoughts of a P900 fill your thoughts as you drift back off to sleep ...


_________________
"I may be drunk my dear woman, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly." WSC

[ This Message was edited by: scotsboyuk on 2003-11-13 15:23 ]

[ This Message was edited by: scotsboyuk on 2003-11-13 18:51 ]

On 2005-04-22 13:34:50, FutureDesign wrote:
....and many more oh and im a 15 yr old horny highschool male student

On 2003-11-21 17:58:42, switchbitch wrote:
yea the original clip which got canned used the usual interface; the bad guy takes the photo, but forgets that he had assigned the camera button to sman. so he has to remove the stylus, and try to open the communicam app but realises the bluejack module is running, and (unusually) the stack has decided to hang. so he goes to control panel>connections>bluetooth>settings, but the phone freezes and he has to remove the battery, put it back in and restart the phone. {Welcome to orange.mp4}.
20 seconds later, he is prompted for his pin which he enters. another 10 seconds later and 3, 4, 5 or 6 clicks notify him of network connection and hes ready to go again. so back into sman, disable hotkey, into communicam and take picture. ok now thats done its time to send it. send as>MMS. select contact>(evil villain intent on world domination)>send. establishing connection via GPRS........ "No record found of the required DNS type or class." Dammit he thinks, as he walks in circles for a better network signal.... back into pictures... what was it again?.... 3UYJ0009 thats it! send as MMS here we go again..... sending MMS excellent. it gets to 94% then says "your request for a service could not be fulfilled. please contact your operator if the problem persists." oh shit of course, i cant send a picture bigger than 100k stupid wap shit. ill have to email it. back into pictures, select, send as, EMAIL. lets see if this works...... establishing connection via GPRS... connected to SMTP.mail.evilvillain.com, so far so good.... "the SMTP server refused to allow a connection. please check your account settings in the control panel." F*CK F*CK, F*CK!
Not very james bond really is it?

On 2005-04-22 22:05:00, whizkidd wrote:
That whacky thread created by some_one_100 was hilarious!

On 2005-04-24 16:49:59, dr_thug wrote:
This is the punishment i have planned.

killer=
now on hearing the punishment Killer
me and oog =
killer anasthetised =

after operation
killer =
killer's friends

On 2005-04-22 20:19:47, tranquil wrote:
I find Masseur and me having our Mod Wars quite entertainig.
(Don't you agree old man?)

On 2005-04-22 07:31:52, nitesh wrote:
It is pity that scot is no more part of SE.

This message was posted from a T610

On 2005-04-25 07:41:27, FutureDesign wrote:Spot on Ooga

On 2005-04-25 12:20:45, Oogamous wrote:
Good. Think of the massive amounts of energy you'll save by not typing 'mooga' everytime. You can channelize this energy into more useful ventures.