Welcome to Esato.com




The continuing story thread


Click to view updated thread with images




Posted by Egbert Nosh
Rules:

Continue the story in each post
Nothing offensive
Story must end at post number 300


-=-=-

Everything was blurry as Ronald tried to make out where he was. The last he could remember was getting on the bus just before it passed over antelope bridge and then there was a tremendous boom. He could make out the image of a tall man looking down at him. ...



Posted by methylated_spirit
The man was wearing a long overcoat, a pair of large boots, and a low, wide brimmed hat. His collar was turned up against the wind, his coat was slick with rain, and his sallow, lifeless skin appeared to shimmer in the pale moonlight. "I have been sent to fetch you" he said in a low, gravelly voice.

Posted by scotsboyuk
"Who are you?" Ronald asked.
"That does not concern you" the man answered in a monotone, pulling on his collar to keep out the biting wind.
"What do you want with me?" Ronald asked, becoming nervous as he noticed the shimmer the man's skin exuded.
"You are to come with me, they want to speak with you" the man's flat voice replied.
"No, I want to know what is going on before I go anywhere" Ronald demanded.
"You will know soon enough" the man intoned in that flat tone of his as he stretched out his gloved hand and grasped Ronald's arm.

_________________
"I may be drunk my dear woman, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly." WSC

[ This Message was edited by: scotsboyuk on 2004-12-21 21:56 ]

Posted by Egbert Nosh
Ronald feared for his life for the first time. Why was this happening to him, a simple unassuming guy. Ever since his band broke up everything seemed to be improving. He had found a decent job at the local DSS and had found a caring girl who looked after him. Everything seemed to be going so well. And now this! Who the hell was this weirdo?

Something caught his eye. The man, underneath his coat was wearing a bright pink feather boa. He had given up resisting the man's iron grip on his arm as he led him along the riverbank but now he was seriously confused. Just then two jets of red light shot out of the man's eyes heavenward and there was a piercingly loud announcement:

Posted by methylated_spirit
"AS LONG AS I HAVE A FACE, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE SOMEWHERE TO SIT!", shouted the mysterious stranger.

Posted by Egbert Nosh
"PASSWORD ACCEPTED" came a response f rom the point where the red beams reached and a magnetic pull drew them both up into the sky. Up and up they soared until they reached the docking station of an enormous egg-shaped space ship. Ronald had wet himself by now. He had never been so scared in his life.

"I must leave you here" intoned his peculiar captor.

"Sonia Sonic the Enforcer will be presenting your award" he continued, "Your feather robes and boas will now be returned to you!"

And in an instant he vanished.
The portal in front of him swung open and Ronald could hear in the distance ...

Posted by blackspot
voices and footsteps of two individuals approaching him. As they were near enough, Ronald realized that they were speaking in a language that he has never heard before and they occasionally produce a sound that could never be reproduced in a human voice box. They finally stopped in front of him and almost simultaneously pressed a button in a device mounted in the left of their neck. He was petrified.

"Welcome aboard the 'Opal 42', the fastest battleship in our planet!" the humanoid with scaly, brownish arms, round green eyes, greeted him in a low, reverberating voice.

Posted by Egbert Nosh
"Sonia is awaiting you. You did not let us down. Follow us."

Ronald realised he did not have much choice. What did they mean about not letting them down? And what was that about an award?

Ronald followed them through some brightly lit corridors until he found himself in a larger chamber. At the end of the room was a large sparkling golden throne. As he edged closer he caught sight of the most nauseous looking catastrophe of a creature he had ever seen sitting on the throne.

"Greetings Ronalt" she said. "You suceeded in ...

Posted by mustafabay
being the first human to enter the Grolicc Book of Records for...

Posted by methylated_spirit
reading one of scotsboyuk's posts without falling asleep."

Posted by *Jojo*
Ronald then realizes that he must attend to his class at night in a private college - school He just misses seeing his seatmate - named: Bernard ! Bernard who is related to the canine family of St. Bernard's, is an alcoholic freak guy who loves cuddling her female Japanese schoolmates during recess time in the pool, while sunbathing. Ronald, then went home after seeing Bernard, saying - woof, woof, bow wow wow - meoooooow !

Posted by kimcheeboi
WTF

Posted by Egbert Nosh
Ronald managed to pull himself together. Evidently passing through the space-time continuum was causing him to hallucinate. He felt so thirsty. Unless he found a drink quick he would continue to think such mental thoughts about cats and dogs. He gently made his request: "Well actually I think ScotsboyUK's posts are the most interesting on the whole of Esato, I would love to tell you more but I am really so thirsty. Do yiu have a glass of water by any chance?"

"First put on this pink feather boa then follow me to the drinks room" replied Sonia.

Just then a man flew into the room screaming "This man is a fraud! We want Ronalt not Ronald! Throw him into the ante-reversal multiplication chamber!"

Ronald knew he had to do something - and quick. He grabbed the nearest ...

Posted by kimcheeboi
place he could grab onto, and he grabbed sonia's boa. unfortunately, it was all that she was wearing.

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE A MAN!"

Posted by Egbert Nosh
said Sonia, after Ronald had revealed her scaled, pus-oozing flesh. "A typical man! It's not enough for you to hijack our award but you want our bodies as well!"

Ronald took the boa and quickly tied one end to a nearby pole jutting out. He took a jump a swung, tarzan-style, the other side of the ship. Sonia sounded the red alert, but it was too late. Ronald had already made it to the time travel machine and quickly beamed himself back down to earth. However he did not have time to set the year, which was on the default of 0.

The next moment he found himself crash landing on the head of a sandal-wearing, peaceful looking guy. "JESUS-BLOODY-CHRIST!" exclaimed Ronald. "Who are you!"

"My name is Jesus" answered the man.

"Don't take the p*ss out of me" answered Ronald.

"Sorry my son, I do not understand." answered the sandaled man. "What is p*ss and who are you?"


Posted by kimcheeboi
"I'm yo daddy!" said Ronald. "Now godammit stop fu*king with my head and tell me who you are!"

Jesus replied, "Son, I AM JESUS, and if you dont believe me i'll beat the living shit out of you!"

"Ok, fine," Ronald replied, "But i gotta warn you - people will use your crucifixion day to give each other presents and all that other stuff!"

"Oh god damn it i give up!" said Jesus and shot himself in the head.

Posted by Egbert Nosh
Ronald immediately realised the gravity of what he had done. If there would be no Jesus, there would be no tinsel in the world. Therefore he decided he would have to act the part himself. He quickly grabbed the sandals just in time to hear a shout behind him from a Roman:

Posted by kimcheeboi
"Hey Jesus, would you like to participate in some Romanism?"

Ronald had no clue what that was, but being adventurous, he said,

"Certe! Peroptato amori! OH snap! I can speak Latin!"

Posted by Egbert Nosh
All of a sudden there was a flash and Ronald found himself back on the Opal ship.

"Ha! We managed to timewarp you back" said Sonia.

Ronald as quick as a flash jumped up and pressed the warp button before Sonia could get his clutches on him.

He immediately found himself in a sports car in the back seat. The car seemed to be going very fast in some sort of tunnel. There was an indian man driving and a blonde, short haired lady in the passenger seat.

The driver was just saying "Oh Diana, just wait until you try my mother's chappatis" when he noticed Ronald in the rear-view-mirror.

"My goodness gracious me", he said. "It's Ronald Christ in the back seat!"

He was so shocked that he lost control of the car and it crashed, killing both him and Diana. Ronald miraculously was not hurt.

Ronald realised he had to get away from the scene - and fast. He came up with an ingenious plan...


Posted by blackspot
Before somebody finds out about the crash, Ronald managed to drag himself to a nearby forest and hide. He also made sure he covered his tracks and was careful that no blood from his wounded head dripped on the ground.

He stayed on the forest until he was strong enough to execute his plans. He survived using the herbs that he could find to heal his woulds and to nourish himself, feeding also on insects and occasional small animals that wander around the forest.

After three days...

Posted by wrecked_porsche
he awoke to a dog licking his face. The dog was purple in colour, had a square head, had one eye and was wearing a bright green bra. Ronald thought to himself " Oh no! Those damn aliens sent one of their dog thingys to track me down!"

In a fit of panic, he...

Posted by blackspot
tried to run as fast as he could but a beam of light was already all over him and he disintegrated into photon particles and disappeared.

He rematerialized in a holding chamber back in Opal 1.

"Welcome back Ronald" the green scaly alien who was standing outside the chamber greeted him.

Posted by Egbert Nosh
"frickin' nora!" exclaimed Ronald. "What have I done to deserve this?!"

In f ront of him was a large screen. In immediate response to his question an image appeared on the screen.

"My name is Basil Finklefeffer. After drinks all will be explained. But first please remove your turban"

Ronald felt his head, and sure enough he was wearing a turban! But he was a Protestantitute!

...

Posted by blackspot
"Huh, where did this turban come from? This isn't mine."

"That's mine." a bearded human in another holding cell in front of him replied! "It must have been mixed up when we were transported together. See, I believe this is your Adidas I'm wearing now"

Ronald looked at the man and was surprised when he recognized the bearded man...

Posted by Egbert Nosh
"Obi-wan-kenobi! Since when did you become a Sikh?" asked Ronald.

Posted by blackspot
"Pardon me, but I'm not... Oh, sorry I thought you said SITH. Actually since I was 15" Obiwan replied.

"Enough of this nonsense!" Basil Finklefeffer, interrupted. "Let's move on to more important matters."


Posted by Egbert Nosh
Then Basil said something which made no sense to Ronald,

"YO MAN RASTA-BLASTA ME NO WAN NUN O DAT PUM PUM BIZNESS YO CHILL MA MAIN MAN"

Posted by blackspot
Ronald thought for a minute... "What did you say?"

Basil just laughed "Hahahahaha! You earthlings are pathetic!"

"Oh yeah?" Ronald replied. He started smuttering some gibberish of his own, "Ilid ok akam tobas omin, gnaob nam ilagnit ak! Itab ap ak gu gnowan, ogob ap duyig!"

"Well said!" Obiwan shouted.

Basil's eyes turned red, his head started to enlarge, steam came out of his nostrils and ears, and suddenly...

Posted by DJcreamz
his nose fell off, severed by obi wans hidden light saber he had cleverly concelled in his trousers

Posted by gerardsalvador
"Ahee hee!" squealed Basil "Ah Cha'mone!" he kicked the air and moonwalked around the room. His voice changed to a very feminine one and said, "I think you kids ought to know who i really am..." Basil then took hold of his hair and ripped a mask off revealing his true identity: MICHAEL JACKSON!

Posted by Egbert Nosh
Ronald thought that his brain was about to burst. This was all BLOODY LUDICROUS! Just then there was an alarm sound...

Ronald awoke with a jolt.

"Did you have a bad dream Ronnie?" asked his wife Natalie.

"Oy va voy, I think so said Ronald. A very peculiar one too!"

So. It had all been a dream. Ronald could not remember having a more scary dream in his whole life!

Ronald put on his coal-mining clothes and got himself ready for another day down the mines.

But as he was making his bed he noticed something familiar under his pillow. A pink feather boa!

"What's wrong sweetheart?" asked Natalie. She could see he looked as white as a ghost...

[ This Message was edited by: Egbert Nosh on 2005-01-15 23:33 ]

Posted by blackspot
"Where did this Feather Boa come from? I've never seen this before!" Ronald asked with an obvious chill in his voice.

"Darling, You bought that for me yesterday, remember? You even chose that color yourself... Are you OK?" Natalie replied.

Ronald took deep breath, looked at his wife and started to relax. While staring at Natalie's eyes he saw it glow for a split second. "Wooow!" Ronald moved back...

Posted by Egbert Nosh
"W-w-what's that glow?" asked Ronald.

"Hey what's wrong with you Ron?" asked his wife. "It's our son Winston's pocket torch. You took it from him last night. Remember?"

Just then Winston ran in. "Mum! Dad! Look at this funny letter which arrived for Dad!"

Posted by blackspot
Winston handed it over to Ronald. On the upper left hand of the envelope were written:

Opal 1 Transmission
011544-XJBN-39904

Ronald got a bit uneasy and started sweating. In the middle was Ronald's Complete name all in bold letters. At the bottom left corner were several figures that looked like hebrew but with strange variations.

"Why did you say it was a funny letter, son?" Ronald asked Winston.

"It's at the back dad..." Winston answered.

Ronald checked the back and saw written in blue letters "Funny Letter". "Oh, I see!" Ronald exclaimed.

Ronald opened the envelope revealing a pink piece of paper. A very soothing scent started to fill the room. Ronald opened the paper and the letter contained the following message...

Posted by Egbert Nosh
"RONALD YOUR DESTINY IS CONTROLLED ENTlRELY BY BLACKSPOT & EGBERT NOSH YOU ARE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER - WE CHALLENGE YOU TO BREAK OUT OF YOUR LIMTATIONS AND CONTROL YOUR OWN DESTINY..."

Ronald was utterly dumbstruck.

"What is it Ron?" asked Natalie

"Now it all makes sense." said Ronald. "Natalie, we do not really exist!"

He explained everything to his wife and son. They realised that they had to do something. They had nothing to lose! Ronald came up with a clever plan to break out of this ficticious story. But it would not be easy! ...



Posted by blackspot
"First let's have breakfast, Natalie. How would you like to fry our son Winston, or better yet..." Ronald placed his mouth close to Natalie's ears and whispered "shmrmfsdshshmsh...prmmshspts... and....dkswshshsbhmbmshshs...shbrshmnd..."

Natalie smiled and nodded her head without saying anything. She immediately ran to the kitchen giggling...

Posted by Davo_169
[this storyline seems strangely familiar, sophies world maybe]

Posted by Egbert Nosh
"Natalie come back here!" cried out Ronald.

"Listen, we have got to work fast. We only have until the end of this post. Egbert Nosh seems to be on our side, but it seems that Blackspot wants some entertainment at our expense! Don't worry Winston, nothing is going to happen to you!"

"What are we gonna do, Dad?" asked his son.

"As far as I can see,'' surmised Ronald. "Egbert Nosh cares about us very much. After all, we are his creation! I am hoping that while he is now writing what I am saying, he is devising a plan for us to control our own lives. I am sure that he realises that to give us what is good for us reflects on him being a kind and caring person. Don't fear my dear family, lets brave the next post and pray that we survive until Egbert can help us out!"

Posted by Davo_169


Posted by blackspot
Natalie suddenly looked sad and concerned. "What's wrong dear?" Ronald asked. "What if Egbert has some crazy plans? What if he just wants us to think that he's trying to help us? What if Blackspot's plans are actually better for us?" Natalie cried out.

There was a moment of silence. "Calm down sweetheart!" Ronald said, as he stroked her hair. "See, you never did that to me before, and you never called me sweetheart. How can I trust you? You just seemed strange since you woke up this morning" Natalie blurted.

Just then, Ronald noticed Winston gazing outside, he looked scared. "What is it son?" he asked. "Dad, there was a bright light in yard and suddenly that man appeared." Winston replied pointing to a man wearing a scottish kilt. The man approached the front door and knocked...

Posted by Davo_169
AAAAAHHHHHH ITS METHS

run children run as fast as you can

look out hes random

"soup' replied meths

ahhhh dont taunt me with your randomness

"doorknob, ANKLE, CHEESE GRATER, MONKEY WRENCH, PIE PIE PIE"

the whole room went silent as meths ripped off a whopper fart that could kill 3 buffallo.............

Posted by Burgaz
Davo Rules!!!!

Posted by blackspot
"Winston, turn that TV off!" Ronald shouted.

"Yes dad". CLICK.

The three of them went to meet the man by the door. When they opened the door they all had the same strange feeling while staring at the man in a scottish kilt, like they have known this person all their lives though they have never actually met him before.

The stranger smiled and spoke. "Hello my name is...

_________________
resistance is futile.

[ This Message was edited by: blackspot on 2005-02-28 10:46 ]

Posted by Davo_169
elton john,
do you have some antihistemine...ive got lmuenonia of the *ss and i need a whole new *ss transplant.

ummm yeah

Posted by Egbert Nosh
Ronald... are you there? I ...I... I waited seven years to carry on the story and rescue you and you family from this fictional nonsensical story, in the hope that all the other posters would have gone off and got married by now...

"Egbert? Is that you?" whispered Ronald. "Have you really come back to extract us from this forum story? What are you going to do about the rule of the story that it must be 300 posts long?" he asked.

Don't worry about that, I can just edit my first post and change the rules... Provided that the moderators allow me. For the meantime though let's lie low for a few days and make sure that no one else posts anything that puts you or your family in danger..

"Thank you so much, Egbert" said Ronald, with tears of hope in his eyes.

"What is it, darling?" asked Natalie, as she stirred from her seven year slumber.

"Shhhhhh!" answered Ronald. "I will explain everything. Just keep quiet so we don't attract the attention of other posters..." he whispered.




Click to view updated thread with images


© Esato.com - From the Esato mobile phone discussion forum