Posted by kimcheeboi
may i suggest amsterdam or las vegas! (certain things are legal there!)
Posted by *Jojo*
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Amsterdam
. . . Well, I guess I will be obliged to go and visit Vlammetje then 
She may not let me enter her house if I ever, I doubt it - 100% ! Las Vegas is a very tempting place to let go of my pocket money, not an ideal destination mate . . . How 'bout Norway and UK, where I can meet @laffen, @masseur, @tranquil and my sweety - @miss uk 
Posted by kimcheeboi
@JN- you might also consider visiting someplace nice, like south central or the Bronx.
Posted by *Jojo*
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Hmmm . . . if I do, then @meth's suggestion on how to end my life will now come true
. . . better skip that dude! Any other ideas?
Posted by kimcheeboi
perhaps a nice evening on a rug in front of a fire with a voluputous blonde will suffice?
Reading, of course?
Posted by *Jojo*
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Hmmm . . . looks like me Baywatchin' here mate . . .
Posted by kimcheeboi
you fantasize about carmen electra?
me too!
Posted by *Jojo*
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Nope ! It's more on David Hasselhoff !
Posted by kimcheeboi
i prefer the ladies...
Posted by *Jojo*
Just kidding . . . of course! Me like more Erika Eleniak than Carmen Electric (had se* with Dennis Rodman-The Worm)
!
Posted by kimcheeboi
isn't mr hasselhoff the :bt: spokesperson for Germany?
Posted by *Jojo*
. . . !
Posted by kimcheeboi
so... problem solved?
Posted by *Jojo*
Not . . . yet! Have to hear @meth's later dude !
Posted by methylated_spirit
Amsterdam has more to offer than the obvous...It is a city rich in art, history, and tradition. There are some beautiful buildings, museums, and real culture to osak up. Italy is a beautiful country, take in the sights in Rome and Florence! Barcelona...wow.
Scotland has some real Historical Treasures...Edinburgh Castle is beautiful, with the World Famaous One o'clock Gun...you guessed it, its a cannon that fires at one o'clock every day!
If you like poetry, why not visit Ayrshire, birthplace of Robert Burns. The house he was born in is now a museum. Ayrshire is also where the World Famous Johnnie Walkers Whisky is made, take a tour round the brewery!
And what about Perthshire, home to Scone Palace, the traditional seat of the Scottish King. And, home to the Scottish Mini Weekend, every second weekend in August! Now THATS a great weekend!
Dunoon, in Argyll, hosts the Cowell Games every year, the real, original Highland Games. Its all real traditional stuff, the Highland Fling, tossing the caber, bagpiping, all that. Great for the tourists.
Posted by Rookwise
CONTRARY to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a
long-term stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a
guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys,
it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what
women mean by the term relationship.
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks
her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few
nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves.
They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one
of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to
Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize
that,as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud
silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I
said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he
thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't
want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd
have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we
are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just
going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading
toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready
for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . .
February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at
the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am
way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm
reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship,
more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I
sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it.
That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's
afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission
again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right.
And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What
cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a
goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
COMMUNICATIONS GAP
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry,
too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the
way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.
That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a
knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next
to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly
do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is
in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a
goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their
...
''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.
''What?'' says Roger, startled.
''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning
to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . . Oh God, I feel so
...''
(She breaks down, sobbing.)
''What?'' says Roger.
''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I
really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''
''There's no horse?'' says Roger.
''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.
''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries
to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he
thinks might work.)
''Yes,'' he says.
A BEFUDDLED BEAU
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.
''What way?'' says Roger.
''That way about time,'' says Elaine.
''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to
become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it
involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.
''Thank you,'' says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured
soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he
opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply
involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he
never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him
that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty
sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's
better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy
regarding world hunger.)
IT'S ANALYSIS TIME
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them,
and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything
he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word,
expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible
ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for
weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never
getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend
of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:
''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''
We're not talking about different wavelengths here. We're talking about
different planets, in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot
communicate meaningfully with Roger about their relationship any more than
she can meaningfully play chess with a duck. Because the sum total of
Roger's thinking on this particular topic is as follows:
Huh?
But the point I'm trying to make is that, if you're a woman, and you want
to have a successful relationship with a guy, the No. 1 tip to remember
is: 1. Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a
relationship. The guy will not realize this on his own. You have to plant
the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it in your
everyday conversation, such as:
- - -- ''Roger, would you mind passing me a Sweet 'n' Low, inasmuch as we
have a relationship?''
- - -- ''Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a
relationship! You and I do, I mean.''
- - -- ''Good News, Roger! The gynecologist says we're going to have our
fourth child, which will serve as yet another indication that we have a
relationship!''
- - -- ''Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we probably have
only about a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful
53 years of marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship.''
Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and
eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Some day he might
even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other
guys about women, and, out of the blue, he'll say, ''Elaine and I, we
have, ummm . . .We have, ahhh . . . We . . . We have this thing.''
And he will sincerely mean it.
The next relationship-enhancement tip is:
2. Do not expect the guy to make a hasty commitment.
By ''hasty,'' I mean, ''within your lifetime.'' Guys are extremely
reluctant to make commitments. This is because they never feel ready.
''I'm sorry,'' guys are always telling women, ''but I'm just not ready to
make a commitment.'' Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If
guys were turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350-degree oven on July
Fourth, and they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving
Posted by methylated_spirit
Thanks for that
Any more quandries?
Posted by Lynx69
f**k me man..staz..how longer do you want to make your posts
Posted by methylated_spirit
Joan Rivers is an Esato member!
The comedienne has a programme starting just now on Channel 5 where she helps people in the audience with their problems.
Mince, we should sue!
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
987 green bottles hanging on the wall...
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2004-10-10 23:07 ]
Posted by kimcheeboi
You should really sue!
Posted by methylated_spirit
she's got a gay man dressed as wonderwoman fighting with SuperJew.
Jojo's territory i think.
Posted by methylated_spirit
Now if that guy had come to us, we could have offered him some real advice. Govigov was on it too, i think. SOmeone wrote in saying they were sexually attracted to their brother...
Any one got any problems needing sorting?
Posted by kimcheeboi
soon we'll be seeing quotes from out thread!
I have a problem for you meths:
In my english class i sit next to this really hot girl... and i think i'm in love!
We've talked for about all of 2 minutes now, what should i do?
Posted by methylated_spirit
Well, after talking for 2 minutes and falling in love with her, i would suggest reading the advice for Ayush in the Esato Lonely Hearts thread, he suffers (frequently) from the same condition.
http://www.esato.com/board/viewtopic.php?topic=70555
Posted by kimcheeboi
but i think i love her...
Posted by methylated_spirit
Covered...
http://www.esato.com/board/viewtopic.php?topic=70555
Posted by blackspot
@kimcheeboi
Ask her to marry you.
Posted by *Jojo*
@methylated-spirit - Yup! I am contemplating on visiting your place - Nigeria, I mean Scotland one time, as part of my continuing saga of really knowing the genuine story (behind the tragedy) of a certain 'WALLACE', the character from Mel Gibson's - Bravehart movie !
@staz081277 - Looks like an excerpt from the movie - Who Framed Roger Rabbit mate
!
@kimcheeboi - Better get that loan (or buy it in cash?) for your brand new Red/Black/Silver - Ducati 999r series mate! I can assure you here that you'll not only be able to fish that lovely girl, but many more after her . . .
Posted by methylated_spirit
Glad to be of service. FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
Posted by kimcheeboi
@all thank you for the advice
my heart is rent asunder like a piece of kimchee on chopsticks
_________________
Home
Is the quiet place where you should be alone
Is this where the tortured and the troubled find their own
so co.
"conspiraqcy theories"-meths
v=
[ This Message was edited by: kimcheeboi on 2004-10-11 08:58 ]
Posted by methylated_spirit
Well, you have a friend in m'n'm. Cry on our shoulders, we will share your burden. As long as its not excessive whining about your 'one true love' who actually wouldnt go near you because your a bit strange and your face does
a lot
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
987 green bottles hanging on the wall...
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2004-10-11 09:07 ]
Posted by kimcheeboi
thank you meths i finally feel loved
Posted by *Jojo*
. . . group hug
!
Posted by methylated_spirit
The power of M'n'M at work, once again.
Posted by plasmadog
stazz.. my man...
that was from dave barry!!!
plagiarism?
Posted by Rookwise
I've been rumbled
It was off a site I came accross last night. I did put others on but was asked to remove them and they are now in the jokes thread in garbage.
Posted by methylated_spirit
Ok guys, i've got my problemsolving hat on, but no problems! Share your woes!
Posted by Rookwise
I'm lonely
Posted by methylated_spirit
Then visit the Lonely Hearts thread! Find your perfect partner!
http://www.esato.com/board/viewtopic.php?topic=70555
(Please note, no females have actually visited the lonely hearts thread)
Posted by Ayush
Wheres mince been
Posted by methylated_spirit
mince, being the founder of the thread, has taken it upon himself to do absolutely nothing for the last little while, however, the real woe-wizard, meths, is at hand!
Posted by *Jojo*
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@meth's - Maybe @mince is having some problem of his own, which I guess cannot be solved by him alone? Help him dude . . .
I have a new mind-boggling issue here @meth's - please do help! I am fallin' (perrenial problem I guess) with a girl 5 years my junior. She's a manager in an authorized SE Service Center near my place, quite pretty face too - Chinese looking just like me, 'am really into Oriental looks, that's why maybe @kimcheeboi looks really like @kimberly? Well anyway, we've been acquainted for years now (as friends only), I really like her smile dude. Last time I saw her, I gave her 3 (means 1-4-3or I Love You, I mean her) boxes of chocolate small-sized cakes though I said that it was a gift from the profit I gained by selling some of my crap SE covers which the transaction transpired at the Center where she worked, well actually she helped me out there in a way to have the covers sell. Afterwhich, we started sending SMS for 3 days now, though I always initiate the textin' only she replies back, say ratio is 10:8 (me sends 10x, she replies 8x). Do you think she likes me too here, if she doesn't, why the heck she manages to reply back at my sms? Maybe she's just showing me some respect as their regular customer or what? Though I really haven't shown my real intentions of raping her, kidding here, well to get to know her more pal
Just moments ago, I texted her asking why she hasn't replied back at my last SMS sent (2), she replied back: "Me, on a date 
" - smiley included here. I am not aware and don't have plans of getting to know - if she's really already attached or what? Though this has been an ongoing practice for 3 days and running, I can just let go if ever, before my heart is ripped off again and me startin' to look for a heart surgeon for a bypass operation ! @meth's - no kidding here, please give me your best answer, as if you are in my Prada shoes size 10 dude. . . many thanks in advance, my point here is to let go at an early stage, before knowing that she's already taken and me waitin' for nothin' pal . . . I'll wait for your verdict here!
Posted by methylated_spirit
Phew! okay here goes...
I think she's already seeing someone mate, or maybe you are not her type, on account of its always you sending the first text, and she stops replying after a while...and she says she was on a date. I think she's trying not to let you down with a big hard thump, she sounds like she wants to be friends but nothing more. So...Back to the drawing board for you my man, or the "Lonely Hearts" thread, to find yourself a lady friend!
Posted by *Jojo*
@meth's - I kinda know that she likes me too, you see everytime I'm on her shop and talks to her, she's showing me a face that only a mother can love, nope, I mean the glare making a cutee face and all stuff . . . to me, really uncommon signs to show a guy if you just don't like him . . . Also, Filipino women always likes to go to the extreme of 'testing' their suitors, how far can they just go, say, she's testing me here, and I give up this early, for her, I am just not worth giving her sweet 'yes' to - right? Things like that, but on my part as a man, having said and made me feel that - saying, she's on a date, well, yes, as if she just wants me to leave her alone right? Hmmm . . . I'll not try sending her an sms for 5 years and not visiting her shop (I average on a twice a week visit for the past 3 years), let's just see who gives in first here .. . . . maybe, it's - MEEEEEE
!
Posted by methylated_spirit
Well thats one point of view, but it has consistently failed, throughout history - just look at the mess Ayush got himself into! Move on dude, dont waste time!
Posted by Ayush
I'm in a mess?
Posted by methylated_spirit
Well you pined after someone who wasnt interested in you and got heartbroken
Posted by mince-inside
@jojo (howdy doody) pluck up some courage and ask her on a date, the worst she can do is say no! You will know exactly where you stand and will no longer be wonder what if....
Still go to the shop and when / if she ever wants a date she can always ask YOU as she knows you are 'up for it' and she will not get the knock back (main reason lasses do not ask lads out direct is they could not cope with the knock back IMO)
Unc Mince
PS move on to the next one
Posted by blackspot
@JN,
maybe the cutie looks, sweet smiles, and good conversation/SMS is just part of a business SOP for her. I may not be an expert but I would strongly suggest to NEVER LIVE BY ASSUMPTIONS. Stay cool!
Posted by kimcheeboi
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uncle, you are wise!
