Posted by methylated_spirit
Thanks plasmadog, much appreciated. Some certain people who shall remain nameless (it was switchbitch) said our advice thread was useless!
Posted by *Jojo*
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I guess @switchbitch just cannot defend himself here anymore mate, he's just a part of esato's past for now, or is he? . . . who's next in line?
Posted by kimcheeboi
i have a problem:
i want to ask out this girl, but she's ugly! but she's a butterface!
now, should i use the paper bag, or is there a better remedy?
Posted by methylated_spirit
If she's a butterface whats your problem? Knob her! If she's got a tight body, who give a flying FCUK?
Posted by plasmadog
we have an old saying around here "cover the face... find the base"
instead of brown paper bag, one may use a large jug, scarf or trash can to do the job.
Posted by SCORPIONKING1982
you dont look at the mantlepiece while poking the fire!
always remember that
Posted by kimcheeboi
as long as she doesn't smell like mozarella?
Posted by methylated_spirit
Now your getting it
Posted by plasmadog
personally, i love to stuff my face with mozarella..
Posted by SCORPIONKING1982
or just do it in the dark lol
Posted by methylated_spirit
Any real problems, peeps?
Posted by blackspot
I've got one.
I always wanted to buy this beautifully restored CBR400 NC29, but my girlfriend doesn't want me to ride a bike anymore because "it's dangerous". No matter how I try to convince, she still thinks it's a bad idea. What should I do, oh wise and all-knowing one?
Posted by SCORPIONKING1982
simple
tell her shes right you dont need a new bike as you already have a perfectly good one in her.
she will dump you
you can now do what u want so go buy this bike you want
Posted by methylated_spirit
No! I believe the objective is to keep both the lady and the transport?
You are just going to have to explain to her how much the bike means to you, and that you cant bear to part with it. Explain to her how responsible you are when riding the beauty, as it would just kill you to damage it. She will just have to trust you and your judgement, there is no definate fool-proof way out of this one.
After a lengthy discussion, you could try "I love the bike, but i will get rid of it for you though", and you never know, she may say "No, if it means so much to you, just keep it". However, thats a bit of a gamble, she may simply say "you made the right choice there, bub"
Posted by blackspot
@meth
I was hoping otherwise but, yeah, I guess you're right, there's no sure way to have both. I've already done the "responsible driving stuff". It's a good psychological thing though to tell her that I'm willing to give up the bike just for her
if she agrees to keep the bike then I'd be happy. If she doesn't then I'll have proven to her that I'm willing to give up anything for her. Cool!
Thanks.
Posted by methylated_spirit
No problem
Posted by *Jojo*
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When I planned of buying my 2nd bike roughly 'bout a couple of years back, my parents gave me an ultimatum, if I buy, I lose my place, meaning out I go from the house, and I just obliged to their liking mate. If your girl is oppose to your plans, I guess it's just because she cares so much for you as my parents with me back then! I know we guys have this urged to use the bike and hit to the max, right? But sometimes we also have think of the other people's interest specially when it concerns us pal ! As they say, those bikers already have one part of their feet on the grave . . .
@kimcheeboi - Better reconsider of buying that Ducati 999r
model dude, love life and just buy yourself a nice sports car, say, a porschewagen ?
@methylated_spirit - another one here for your books . . . I want to end my life now, what's the best thing to do, without the authorities doing the autopsy? They might just make notice that I killed myself and committed suicide here, I'm afraid that I might be jailed for doing that
Posted by methylated_spirit
Well, jojo, I watched a programme on t.v. the other night about the building of the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, and it has inspired me for this answer! First of all, contact the Guinness Book Of Records, and tell them you want to do the worlds longest bungee jump. Organise televison crews, the worlds media, and lots of people to watch, but take 2 ropes: One rope just perfect, and the other rope with a weakness in it! When Norris McWhirter the Guinness Book Of Records man measures and checks the rope, give him the perfect one, but attach the WEAK rope when preparing for your stunning record breaking bungee jump! Jump from the bridge between the towers, and as you fall gracefully from the sky, the rope will snap, and you will plummet to your death! With all the television crews and media, and all the people watching, and with the Guiunness Book Of Records checking the rope and equipment, no one will ever suspect that it wasn't an accident.
Happy jumping!
Posted by *Jojo*
Hmmm . . . quite a good one mate, but I don't want a bloody ending pal! What I want is like when I go to sleep I will not wake up anymore, things like that . . . any more good points?
Posted by methylated_spirit
Take a lethal injection of untraceable poison just before you jump, and you will be dead before you end up as a stain on the ground, and after they scrape you up with a shovel and do the autopsy, they will think you died from the fall!
Posted by *Jojo*
I just hate bunjee jumping, not even tried it at all pal ! What about suffocating after a good s*x with a babe with a 40-26-36 stats mate?
Posted by mince-inside
@jojo sadly your sense of humour knows no bounds. Suicide is never the answer it leaves more pain behind than you feel. Why not donate yourself to science?
@meths Norris McWhirter died aged 78yr 3months 2days in April this year out living his twin brother Ross (co-founder of The Guinness Book of World records) who was murdered 29yr 2months 1day earlier at the hands of the IRA.
Posted by kimcheeboi
what an excellent idea, mince!
@jojo- what you suggest is an excellent idea, and i can help you make your will
Posted by blackspot
@JN,
I think you can use any means of suicide you can fancy. Don't worry about being convicted for murdering yourself, with the list of unsolved crimes here, you probably would have died of old age (assuming you didn't die when you murdered yourself
) before your case really gets attention. 
(Hope you understood that because I didn't)
Posted by methylated_spirit
I dont know, my friend get 7 years for manslaughter after he got killed being run over by a tractor, but he got out after four years for good behaviour.
Posted by plasmadog
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that IS a good way to go. i suggest u try once, and if u fail try harder and harder and harder.... until u succeed. then we'll know u died for a good cause mate
Posted by methylated_spirit
Yeah but how do you get Norris McWhirter th Guinness Book of Records man to verify it?
Posted by Ayush
You cant solve my problem!
Posted by methylated_spirit
We gave you HUNDREDS of advice Ayush, but you never acted on it, you never did a thing we suggested! We cant magic a solution, all we can do is point you in the right direction! Its up to you, in the long term!
Posted by Ayush
But meths pls don't say that I did nothing which you said! It was because of you I did what my heart wanted to do in years! If it weren't for you I might have never done it ! So what's the deal??
Posted by *Jojo*
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@kimcheeboi - 'WILL' . . . . . I won't !
@dynamic-dodo - Specially @meths, You just really don't get my point on my very 1st post mates . . . I want a non-mysterious death, so that autopsy reports will show that I had not committed suicide . . . and then "WILL BE JAILED" if found at, right
How can they convict me of committing suicide and then be "JAILED" . . . if I am already "DEAD" by then 
Think Einstein's . . . think !
Posted by methylated_spirit
@Ayush: you are blaming our advice for your failure! It was the right advice, but maye she just didnt like you! harsh i know, but thats the way the world is.
@jojo:
There is nothing "mysterious" about plunging off a tall building with the worlds media watching you!
_________________
Hello, Scroto!
995 green bottles hanging on the wall...
[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2004-10-07 16:34 ]
Posted by *Jojo*
@methylated_spirit -
. . . . ?
Posted by methylated_spirit
Exactly!
Posted by Ayush
Instead of blaming you i thanked you
Posted by methylated_spirit
Ayush, lighten up a little mate
Posted by Burgaz
Dear M&M,
When i met my girlfriend just over three years ago she had never touched drugs... I introduced her to the world of weed... At first it was great finally a missus that i could smoke weed with! But now the novelty has worn off! If i haven't got a joint rolled for her when she gets in for work my life aint worth living and if there's no weed to make here a joint with then i might as well kill myself before she gets the chance to kill me! I have since quit weed but she won't quit for love nor money( and believe me this is putting a financial strain on us). What do i do...
Yours hopefully
Burgaz Burgasson
xxx
Posted by methylated_spirit
Well, may i suggest 3 things...One, shop her to the police, she wont be spending your money in prison, or two, buy in bulk. A trip abroad, cover it in one of those giant dairy milk wrappers, should save a substantial amount on buying it from the street corner. Or three, say "cant you save it for the weekend, darling?" and limit her usage that way. I cant believe you are tolerating her disobediance anyway, get her trained, man!
Posted by Burgaz
Dude! I've tried buyin in bulk... £240 for 9oz... saving of about £120. But all she did was smoke more... And i tried getting her to leave it for the weekend... But that was the worst week of my life! And last time we got picked up by the police they didn't believe that such a nice girl would smoke weed and that she was only carrying it for me!! Guess i'll just have to move out... Sorry for being weak!
Posted by methylated_spirit
She's clearly addicted...theres nothing wrong with the odd puff, but jeezo, every night? tell her mum, that will sort her!
Posted by Burgaz
Her mum knows and blames me... Guess it is my fault in the long run... bugga
Posted by methylated_spirit
Dump her and get someone who will pander to your every need, you can look for love hopefuls here:
http://www.esato.com/board/viewtopic.php?topic=70555
Posted by *Jojo*
@burgaz story looks like a movie that I have watched just recently . . . King Kong vs Godzilla !
Posted by methylated_spirit
Good morning jojo, how are you feeling now, any better mate?
Posted by *Jojo*
@methylated_spirit - Kinda mate . . . I still manage to mall around the whole day despite the weather inside! Almost been up 24 hours - straight now . . . and my colds are just killin' me here, good thing that I have this vacuum cleaner (wet & dry) beside me to siphon whatever's inside
. . . ! Thanks for the conern mate, it just made me a bit well now dude !
Posted by methylated_spirit
get well soon mate!
@Burgaz: You mentioned financial strain, surely now that you have stopped, you are 50% better off financially? I bet it you didnt pay as much attention to your budget when you smoked too, but now it seems a waste because you dont smoke any more.
Posted by plasmadog
burgaz,
a friend of mine died when he went into the sea to swim after he'd rolled a few joints. another one almost OD'ed. and i know how crazy people get when they're high. i've tried it a couple of times myself..
it's a good feeling of high in the beginning, but weed really does kill your brain cells mate. if u really like this bird, or even if u don't... please do get her off it. and you dumping her would only make things worse, cos she'll have a reason for actually wanting to smoke up.
buying in bulk makes u want to smoke it all in one go, so i don't think it'd work... neither does going to the cops (its going to be a very messy affair for her).
so rehab is the only cure, the sooner the better. i'm sorry if i sound like a bore.
[ This Message was edited by: plasmadog on 2004-10-09 04:35 ]
Posted by kimcheeboi
@plasmadog- most of us don't smoke weed laced with embalming fluid
seriously, smoking weed does not get you that high, and it's kinda hard to OD off of weed, unless you're talking about the narcotics here!
I used to take hydrocodone in high school for the hell of it, those were the days!
Actually, they weren't, drugs are really kind of stupid. Been clean of everything except for alcohol for close to 1 year!
I don't have a problem with the wacky tobacky and regular tobacco though.
Posted by Burgaz
Weed in the uk ain't all that good... if it was i wouldn't of quit!!
Posted by kimcheeboi
you should have moved to canada!