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Glaswegians please read


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Posted by switchbitch
A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the civil servant "10" replies the girl.

"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"

"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the
street,
ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW
'n'
they aw dae it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
civil
servant.

"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"


####################################################################


A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment
on
the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she
says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."


####################################################################


Glesga burd enters a s?x shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says
"Choose
from our range on the wall."

She says "Gies that rid yin"

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."


####################################################################


A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
questions?"

Girl: "Awright"

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Senga."

Medic: "OK Senga, is this your car?"

Morag: "Aye."

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Morag: "Fu***n' Springburn."


####################################################################


A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was
her
boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news
that
thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"

"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners argh!
thump!"


####################################################################


Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.

Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."


Danielle: "Ok."

Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"

Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed fae' the waist down!"


####################################################################


A Glesga burd and a Weegie guy are in a bar when the girl notices
something
strange about the Nikes the guy is wearing. She says, "Here mate, ah
no'
tryin tae take the p!ss ur any'hin lik' that, but how come you've goat
an L
oan wan ae yur gutties 'n' an R oan the other wan?"

So the guy smiles, puts down his bottle of cider and replies, "Coz I'm a
bit
thick so Ah huv tae huv an L oan ma left fit 'n' an R oan ma ma right
wan."

"F*** sake" exclaims the girl "So thats how ma thongs've goat C&A oan
thum!"



Posted by scotsboyuk
It's been said before and how true it is, you can have more fun at a Glasgow stabbing than at an Edinburgh wedding


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