Posted by Eleventy7
Posted by shithappens
i'll second that eleventy7
Posted by shithappens
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window.
He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological
abnormalities."
"That's right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breast.
"Do you know what I am doing know?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps or breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place."
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
haha... thats a good one..
Posted by Vlammetje
Posted by Caveman
David Beckham runs in early from training one afternoon and dashes to the bedroom to find Posh spread out on the bed naked, puffing and panting.
Becks asks her suspiciously 'What are you doing?' Posh stutters a reply 'I'm - er, er.... I'm having a heart attack David' 'Oh no' he cries in despair. 'I'll call an ambulance'. He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialling 999. However, he is stopped in his tracks by a tearful Brooklyn. 'What's the matter, son?' asks Becks. 'Uncle Giggsy is in the wardrobe with no clothes on, daddy' sniffles Brooklyn. Infuriated by this, Beckham runs upstairs and kicks down the wardrobe door. Sure enough, the carpet-chested Welshman is stood there, starkers. 'You wanker Giggsy' screams Becks. 'My wife is right over there having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the shit out of Brooklyn.'
Posted by Vlammetje
Posted by Eleventy7
caveman and shithappens -
2 each
Posted by shithappens
@caveman:
kudos
Posted by Eleventy7
The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class
one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When
you die and go to Heaven .... which part of your body
goes first?"
Suzie raised her hand and said,
"I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"
Suzie replied, "...Because when you pray, you hold
your hands together in front of you and God just takes
your hands first!"
"What a wonderful answer!" the teacher said.
Tommy raised his hand and said,
"Teacher, I think it's your legs".
The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on
her face.
"Now, Tommy, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Tommy said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's
bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight
up in the air and she was going, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'
"If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost her
for sure !"
Posted by Bjerkebanen
hahahaha thats realy funny!
I liked the Beckham joke the most!
Giggs you wanker
Posted by Jowi
ha hahahah...that a nice one!
Posted by Bjerkebanen
have ya gents and ladys heard this one? :
2 homosexuals James and Jimmy was sitting in a tree having anal sex! Then Jimmy goes: Hey James im so tirsty! Im gonna climb down the tree and find me some water! okay? James: Okay Jimmy for sure no problemo! Jimmy: Okay James no wanking wile im off to get some water! James: I promise!
Then when Jimmy is off drinking water he hears a exsplosion sound coming from the three. Jimmy runs up to the three and find the three coverd in sperm. And then Jimmy goes: I told you no wanking wile i was gone!! James go: I dident wank i just farted! But hey if your still tirsty you can still drink cum out of my anal crack hole with a straw!
Ohhh god this jocke is so bad its kind of funny!
_________________
HOME.NO/GURU4U <--Visit the best freeking wap deize site
[ This Message was edited by: Bjerkebanen on 2003-06-12 18:57 ]
Posted by Jowi
another 1!...nice!
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
hehe
Posted by Bjerkebanen
im so funny it hurts!
Posted by Vlammetje
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
yes you are
Posted by Eleventy7
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try understand her
at all.
MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.
APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_________________________________________
One day a 5th grade class was taking a field trip but the weather was extremely bad and the trip was to be delayed and they had to stay in a hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was sleeping in the same room as his teacher.
In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and was frightened by the sight of Johnny standing right over her.
He asked if he could sleep with her cause he couldn't sleep.
She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a little closer and she said okay.
Then he asked if he could put his finger in her belly button and she said "NO"
"But my mommy lets me do it when I can't sleep and it helps."
So the teacher says, "Okay fine, do whatever your mom lets you do."
A few minutes later the teacher says "OH. that's not my bellybutton."
And Little Johnny says, "that's not my finger."
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Posted by Jowi
hahaha...the little johnny series
Posted by shithappens
A father and a son went to the river for fishing.
While fishing, a firefly came by disturbing the son's concentration.
Feeling agitated, the son killed the firefly.
On seeing his son notorious behaviour, the father punished the
son saying "no FIRE for you for a whole week".
In the second incident, again both went fishing, and this
time a butterfly came by. And again the son killed the butterfly
by stepping on it. The father became angry and again punished the
son by saying "no BUTTER for you for a whole week".
Back home, they were then joined by the mother for dinner.
In between, a cockroach appear before them on the dining table
and without thinking for a second, the mother wacked on the
cockroach until it dies.
The son turn to the father asking, do you want me to tell mom
or you want to tell mom......
Posted by Digital_Hustler
A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup files and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Ten minutes later, the user is still persistent that he is right. The tech is frustrated and give up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
Ten minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
One hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
haha
Posted by Eleventy7
Posted by Vlammetje
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the Presidents of the brewreys decide to go to the pub for a drink. The coors President said "Can I have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors, please."
The bartender gave him the drink.
Then the Budweiser President orders, "The King Of Beers -- Budweiser."
The bartender proceeds with the order.
The Amstel President walks in and orders "The Finest Beer ever."
The bartender gives him an Amstel.
Then the Guinness President says, "I'll have a coke please."
The bartender is taken aback by this but gives the coke to him anyway.
All the Presidents looked over at him and said, "Why have you ordered a coke?"
He replied, "Well if you all aren't drinking beer, then neither shall I."
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
haha.. where do you findt all this funny jokes
Posted by Eleventy7
i get mine from the harddrive in my head
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
so you make them yourself??
Posted by Bjerkebanen
i made up that poof jocke myself!
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
nice
Posted by Jowi
hahaha...nice v
Posted by Vlammetje
Jowi!
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
jowi is back
Posted by Jowi
thanks sperm...mis you all...especially my honey...
"MWAH on V"
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
haha
Posted by nocturnalchipmunk
*MWAH on Jowi* ..i think my signature is getting to my head..
Posted by shithappens
@guys: can we redirect the trash talk to the other threads in garbage pls.......let's not ruin this fab funny thread ok.....this is my last warning......lest the moderators clamp down hard on us all
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
ok for me..
Posted by Vlammetje
20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room
1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.
7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
14) Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.
15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both.
16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower.
17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Posted by Vlammetje
A Brief History Of Medicine
I have an earache.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2003 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
Posted by Jowi
ow...v has some gifts left behind
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Posted by malcs
Whats Red And Sits In A Tree
A Sanitary Owl
(that was a joke from my class teacher?!?!??!?!?!?!?!)
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
Posted by Vlammetje
somehow that joke does not appeal to me.....
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
hehe
Posted by shithappens
| Quote: |
|
i beg to differ...it's actually quite funni
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
i think so too.