Posted by Rocky B.
Hehe
Posted by kk.226
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Posted by AcIDbURn89
Aids Awarness Slogans:
*Cover ur stump b4 u pump
*Don't b silly, protect ur willy
*Aids no joke, b sure 2 wrap b4 u poke
*Don't b a fool, condomize ur TOOL!.
Posted by AcIDbURn89
Diff b/w erotic n kinky - erotic is when u use the feather, kinky is when u use the chicken.......
Posted by AcIDbURn89
>> Blonde's frnd 2 blonde -
Hi!! How did ur exams go?
>> Blonde -
They went well. But i coldn't
get the past tense of think.
So, i thought n thought n
finally wrote
...
...
...
THUNK !!!
Posted by mrao
A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The
subject of the day was involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman "Do you
know what your anal sphincter is doing when you're having an orgasm?"
"Sure", she said, without missing a beat, "He's at home, taking care of the kids."
Posted by mrao
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours.
The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."
The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half."
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."
"A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where does he go when he leaves here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says "Your house".
Posted by axxxr
Could'nt think of any funny jokes so here goes!
.... No bigger joke than Mr Bush!
Posted by Evil Eye
Man to God.
Man: Bless me God! My Son is gambler, my daughter is drug addict, my wife is alcoholic...
God: Is there anything positive in your life?
Man: Yes! I am HIV +ve.....
Posted by goldenface
Ooops! Definitely Bad Taste, evil eye.
Posted by indiannawaf
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent
by an Indian......
A MBA and a CA go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and
Fell asleep.
Some hours later, the CA wakes his MBA friend.
“look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions
of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The CA is silent for a moment, and then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
hahahaaaaaa
Posted by indiannawaf
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of
golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first
shot right through the
window of the biggest house adjacent to the
course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be
careful! Now we'll have to go up
there, find the owner, apologize and see how much
your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple
walked up to the house
and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that
was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken
antique bottle was
lying on its side near the broken window. A man
reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that
broke my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the
husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary.
Actually I want to thank you.
You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in
that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've
released me, I'm allowed to grant
three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if
you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered
a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars
a year for the rest of my
life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's
the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long,
healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the
genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete
with servants in
every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your
homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and
natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's
your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and
haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand
years, my wish is to sleep
with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee,
honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all
those houses. What do
you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said,
"You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune,
I guess I wouldn't mind,
but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the
husband. "I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where
they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each
other. The genie was
insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop
fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into
her eyes and asked, "How old
are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe in genies?"
Posted by pmerryman
posted now in the correct section.
Just a collection for you, which arrived in my inbox today.
The old ones are still the best....have a good weekend.
Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you got
run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.
A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger. He
said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked for your
arse'.
My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his
patients, it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.
Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale clitoris licking
frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's 'Bonjour madame'.
Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it
scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided
I'm never reading again.
Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your mum
like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.
A couple in a cafe in Llangollen asks 'Can you settle an argument for us and
pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over and said
........ 'Burrr gurrr king'.
Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say's 'I
have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....'You better jack off, I've
got a headache'.
Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93.
The worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in,
then the trouble started.
Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a
quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.
Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital to have a
dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging one of
those again!
It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking 5
kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where the
hell she is!
Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel....
They say it's only for the Christmas period.
A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her pu**y.
Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's just the tip of the
iceberg!
Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the
receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I
won't take it up the ar**'!
Posted by axxxr
Driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?" "Terrorists kidnapped President Bush and are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse him with gasoline and set him on fire.We are going from car to car to take up a collection."The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving on average?" "About a gallon."
Posted by wilson
Twins talking inside mothers womb. T1: the place is shaking. daddy is here again. he is early today? T2: Shhhh! that's not daddy. daddy does not wear a raincoat!
Posted by Bjerkebanen
This is the most revolting joke i know of
A man walks into a talent agency and says to the man who runs the agency: Hey i got a family act you have to hear about! The talent agent goes: I dont know. Family acts are usally a tad lame. Oh not this one sir! Says the family man. Ok says the talent agent! Whats your act? The family man goes: Ok here goes: Me my wife and my two 9 year old daughters goes up on stage. Then my two daughters walks up and says in a sweet voice: Do yous all like strawberry cake? The audience goes yeah! And the daughters goes: Fine lets make some! So the father drops his pants while his two daughters suck and wank him off at the same time. Finaly the dad comes in his daughters mouth. The daughter blows the spunk onto her mums face folowed by the dad punching the mums nose inn! Then they all point at the mums face and says Strawberry cake! And they all take a big bow.
The talent agent sits there shocked. And goes errrm yeah wow thats some act you got there. What do you call it? The family man goes: THE ARISTOCRATS!
Thats my version of the joke. Has any of you seent the Aristocrats documentary?
Posted by WelshTom
i hope this hasnt already been posted but i can't be bothered to read through all 105 pages to check - so appologies if this has already been posted!
Why Condoms Come in Boxes of 3, 6 and 12
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? " The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
thats a good one 
Posted by REO