Posted by Cycovision
Just watched the news on TV, and our lord and saviour, his excellency Bill Gates has promised us all that he will rid the world of all forms of email spam AND computer viruses within two years.
It's a good job that our blessed Bill has the powers of a deity, otherwise some people might have laughed so hard that they spilt their cup of tea all over their PC keyboard and T610 upon hearing his excellency's latest prophecy. Not that I did, of course...
Oh and by the way, such heavenly powers apparently do not come without some form of material sacrifice, namely the price-hike that his excellency deems fit to impose upon his forthcoming foghorn leghorn 'operating systems' but that will be a small pennance indeed for our divine deliverence from the evil of offers for overnight delivery on Viagra, Penis Patches and the opportunity to make millions from home using just a low spec PC, four milk bottle tops and a bent coat hanger.
On your knees, retched sinners, and let us pray and give thanks to our lord and saviour, Bill 'I can do anything I want' Gates. Without him, we would be bestowed with excessive wealth and our PC's would function properly more often.
Posted by Johnex
Mega lol. :-D
Posted by Cycovision
Well i'm sorry, but I couldn't help taking the p**s. What a rediculous claim, even by our Bill's standards
Posted by Johnex
Yes indeed. Still funny though.
Posted by bionrg
what's even funnier, is our excellency is soon
being honored and will receive an honorary knighthood
for "services to global enterprise".
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2004/01/25/ngates25.xml&sSheet=/news/2004/01/25/ixnewstop.html
Posted by Cycovision
Services to global enterprise? Good lord, I've heard it all now. Services to the salaries of pony-tailed MCSE graduates who charge several hundred pounds for sticking the Windows XP disk into your CD rom drive and clicking on the 'reinstall' button more like.
No seriously, maybe Billy-boy should get an award for services to Central Processing Units, since he has undoubtably prevented billions of CPU's from burning out due to the fact that his operating systems do not run for long enough to actually strain them in any way.
The thing that really made me laugh was that even one of Bill's OWN senior engineers openly stated that completely overcoming the problem of spam and viruses was a nigh-on impossible task, but still the Lord Gates wielded has staff of wrath upon HIS Internet (Tim Berners-Lee and Ray Tomlinson had nothing to do with it, by the way, It's all Bill's now) and dictated that it shall be so within two years.
I've got my eye on Linux as if you haven't guessed, one day it could just be a serious contendor
Posted by shithappens
all hail our saviour Bill
Posted by carlidude
Well all he needs now is a song about him
Posted by Cycovision
To the tune of 'All things bright and beautifull':
All things unreliable,
On PC's great and small.
All things priced extortionate,
The Lord Gates made them all.
He gave us Word to write with,
Excel to spread our sheets.
Front-Page to make crap websites,
They crash within a week.
(repeat verse 1)
My registry is broken,
My desktop will not show.
How great, this bloody virus
That windows won't let go.
(repeat verse 1)
All exceptions are fatal,
All pages have a fault.
All hail, our mighty saviour,
'Control, Delete and Alt'.
(repeat verse 1, bang head on keyboard then drink heavily)
Posted by Vlammetje
too bad i don't know the melody
mac anybody??
Posted by Caveman
As snow has been forecast for the UK, I might need a mac
Posted by axxxr
Lets Hope one Day Apple Macs will reign Supreme !!
Posted by Cycovision
midi file of the music:
http://www.tagnet.org/digitalhymnal/en/midi/dh093fv.mid
Not the best rendition, but with practice you'll be able to sing along with it
Posted by Jim
This may indicate that Palladium will be real
Posted by ShawO
well i'll be damned...
i nvr knew tht "kill bill vol.4" was already in the making
Posted by gelfen
Posted by Cycovision
I got to get me one of those keyboards
Posted by Cycovision
Sorry to resurrect this totally garbage thread, but today there was good news for anyone who, like myself, has a deep pathalogical loathing of Bill Gates and his s****y company:
"Microsoft has been fined a record £331million by the European Commission.
The cash penalty was accompanied by orders to dismantle Microsoft's sales monopoly by no longer pre-installing the firm's Media Player with its Windows operating system.
The company was accused of breaching EU competition rules by "bundling'' its own software and other services with its Windows system.
That has made it difficult for other software manufacturers to compete - particularly as Microsoft has withheld the technical codes that allow Windows-based personal computers to work better with servers.
Microsoft said the information is its intellectual property and that offering a complete package is part of its commercial strategy.
The strategy has worked well - more than 90 per cent of personal computers worldwide run on Microsoft software.
Today's ruling in Brussels followed a four-year investigation led by Competition Commissioner Mario Monti, who said: "It is essential to have a precedent which will establish clear principles for the future conduct of a company with such a strong, dominant position.''
But the real battle has only just begun: Microsoft is appealing against the fine to the European Court of Justice and a final verdict could take five years.
Meanwhile, Microsoft will be seeking suspension of the Commission's order to start selling within 90 days a version of Windows without Media Player and to make available within 120 days the information other companies need to produce compatible rival server products.
Microsoft founder Bill Gates is furious that the EU is interfering when the firm is already subject to antitrust laws in America.
But Mr Monti said the company's commercial methods affect millions of European customers and must comply with European Union laws.
With a healthy bank balance estimated at nearly £40billion, Microsoft will not be troubled by the size of the fine, even if it is the biggest ever sought by the Commission against any company.
But the knock-on effect of changing the way Microsoft markets its products in Europe could be huge."
Yaaaahhooooo!! Suck on that, Billy Boy
Trouble is, it now looks like we're gonna get realplayer installed on our PC's against our will instead of windows media player
I think realplayer is probably the worst media player on earth.
Posted by Vlammetje
real player is the devil's spawn
and I'd rather not have ANY media player installed if realplayer is the only other alternative
still... good on the EU
Posted by mixin
prefer not to use either
Posted by Jim
This is ridiculous, I agree about the part of "bundling" but the European Commision could simply ask to make a sort of option to install WMP or not during the OS install and not asking to make a new whole package of XP. How they gonna call it now ... Windows XP Lite ... give me a break.
Posted by Cycovision
@Jim
Very good point. I always thought that Microsoft were guilty of much worse monopolising crimes than simply bundling it's media player with windows, but maybe this at least marks the first step towards dismantaling Bill's thoroughly sickening empire. What amuses me is that windows media player is actually not that bad a program. From what I can gather though, WMP will still be included as an optional installation component upon installing windows.
@vlam
I agree entirely, realplayer is b****y awful. According to ZDnet, realplayer look likely to be the first to 'compete' for the free media player spot. I just hope that winamp gets a look in first!
Posted by Vlammetje
Gawd yes.... please please please winamp!!
Posted by cyanx7
uuh... i love it when u express yourself like that, scorchy!
Posted by Vlammetje
gawd yes please please please cyanx?
(that just sounds all wrong )
Posted by cyanx7
oh, scorchy!...
Posted by Cycovision
Yeah, I wish my missus would get that excited about winamp. She certainly never does about me
Posted by Vlammetje
Posted by cyanx7
that was something else, mr. vision!