Posted by etaab
@ max_wedge - its the exact same thing with me. This woman wants me to be there for her but does not want me to give her anything in return. She also told me the other day shes now seeing someone - but it wasnt so long back she told me she didnt even want a man in her life for the forseeable future, and that she just wanted to be by herself for a while. That was the excuse she gave me for not wanting to get into a relationship, but suddenly its all changed and now she does want a man.
On the phone the other day she told me "i dont mind you telling me how you feel but it bores me, im not interested and never will be, its boring because ive heard it all before", but then expects me to listen to everything that worries her, or is bothering her.
In regards to the men she does date, its always the same with her, she'll date men who are obviously never going to be right for her because shes never satisfied with what they can give her, and right now im the only man in her life that can give it.
Right now im very angry with her. Last night i spoke to her on MSN Messenger and all i got was a ton of abuse about things i've allegedly been saying to people. Shes always quick to jump to the conclusion everything she hears about me is the truth and im always being nasty, evil or negative towards her. I dont remember once, ever, being like that with her.
When i next see her, probably this Wednesday, im just going to tell her shes worn me down and i cannot be bothered anymore. I do care, but she'll never give me the chance to show it because she never lets me get close enough or prove myself to her, she never lets me show her the real me and is always quick to judge me as a bad person. To hell with her !
Posted by max_wedge
Whoot! We don't need these fickle princesses. Bugger 'em
"Scarlet Mah Deah, Ah don't give a damn"
Posted by etaab
If only i didnt love her so much though..
Posted by max_wedge
Love is blind
Good luck mate, just stick to your guns but be assertive with her - she'll either respond because she loves you or she'll disappear because she can't stand you having your own mind. Atleast then you will know.
Posted by etaab
Well once again last night we argued. Shes told me to delete her number from my phone, and never to call or text her again.
Why ? because i told her she does not care about me, and no matter how much she said she did i said she was lying, and i didnt believe her. She'll be out of my life friends wise, but i still have to work with her which is a major problem.
You're exactly right, she cant stand me having my own mind. On the phone last night she wouldnt let me speak and would hang up everytime i tried, and when we spoke on MSN messenger she kept blocking me everytime i tried to speak. She said "i wont let you have your say because you dont listen to anything i say" even though i get it rammed down my throat daily.
So be it, she can take a running jump, i feel much better and the bigger person for not acting how she did. The funny part is, she even got her male friend (who loves her and is used by her as a lapdog, remember..) to call me even though he didnt have my number before hand, and warn me off because she was upset and crying on the phone to him. Strange - when she was on the phone to me she was anything but upset, she was just abusive and angry !
_________________
http://www.werenotafraid.com
[ This Message was edited by: etaab on 2006-03-28 12:17 ]
Posted by max_wedge
Well done mate, that'll learn her! She'll probably come crawling back to you once this other knobhead fails to completely satisfy her.
Then you have the option to make certain demands, or simply take great pleasure in telling her to take a flying leap
PS, that wearenotafraid is an excellent site - it's fantastic that there are people out there not willing to be drawn into the fear based control that the government is trying to establish. What point a society where one limits one's movements and rights due to fear of terrorism?
_________________
Get free themes from my themes site
[ This Message was edited by: max_wedge on 2006-03-29 01:10 ]
Posted by etaab
Its a good site yeah.
Anyway, the fun continues for me. Last night she came on MSN Messenger to tell me she was blocking me and deleting my from being able to talk to her. I couldnt be arsed replying.
Then at 12.20am in the morning i start getting phone calls coming to my K750i, all from a withheld number. I answered it a few times and they wouldnt speak, just hung up. After 10 minutes it stopped. So, i got my other mobile phone ready (thinking it could possibly be her, since shes the only person pissed off with me atm..) and then after 20 minutes the crank calls started again. So, as they were calling me, i called her.
Possibly coincidental, but her phone was engaged ! then i did it again, and again, and her phone was always engaged. When the crank calls stopped for a few minutes i called her phone (withholding my own number) and it actually started to ring, and she answered. The fake "yawn, hello you woke me out of my sleep" didnt fool me, it had been her doing the crank calls. She hung up on me almost immediately and told me to f*cking die.
So i text her a couple of times, and she replied saying it wasnt her (aswel as a few other abusive texts), but i know it was. Anyway, i put my phone on silent and turned the vibration off so i couldnt hear anything from it. When i checked my phone this morning, i had missed about 40 calls from the withheld number, and the last one was at 1.52am, so she'd been calling me for over 90 minutes.
It would seem she doesnt like the fact i wont react to her anymore.
Posted by max_wedge
woah! Well done. Just goes to show how immature she is!! I hate to say it etaab (though you probably already know), but DO NOT EVER marry this woman!! Stay friends, sleep with her, whatever, but don't get shacked up.
Posted by etaab
Well, i saw her today and the first thing she did was have another tantrum with me, because id told her best male friend (the one whos told her hes in love with her) about the crank calls last night.
She said id been talking about her behind her back, which was untrue because i knew full well they'd speak about it, and i intended to confront her myself, as soon as i saw her.
She still says it was not her, and to be honest, ive not tried to bully it out of her. Instead, ive just attempted to make the peace and hopefully stay friendly. Even if nothing ever happens between us, i dont want us being enemies.
Posted by max_wedge
You've assertively called her bluff. She'll probably be more rational now.
Posted by etaab
Strange you say that, because within a few minutes of having a tantrum with me, she was smiling at me again.
Even though when she was angry, i handed my K750i over and allowed her to delete her contacts & numbers from my phone.
I asked her if she wanted to be friends, but she says she doesnt know anymore. No crank calls tonight either..
_________________
http://www.werenotafraid.com
[ This Message was edited by: etaab on 2006-03-30 01:03 ]
Posted by max_wedge
Men say what they mean, no bullshit. Women have more going on in their heads, and expect us to work out what they really want because they often don't know themselves.
In their heart of hearts they want to think that a man just "knows" what they want. They forget men are the logical ones, where as it's women who are intuitive and able to guess what's wrong. Men don't have that skill, plain and simple (of course these are gross generalisations).
If you want us to do something girls, f..king tell us for God's sake, don't rabbit on about how we should already know what you want!!!
And if you don't know what you want, don't expect us to make up your mind for you. If you let us make up your mind, then as far as we can see, you want to walk around naked, have sex 4 times a day, watch motorsport on Saturday's, and just love waiting on your man hand and foot.
Posted by etaab
@ max_wedge - ive never talked to someone who seems to know exactly what i mean as much as you do. Its rather uncanny.
Well, we were talking last night about things that happened when we were involved together. The main two problems she has with me were at a Christmas party in mid December last year. She saw me giving another woman a Christmas kiss, a woman she never really got on with and at that time were almost enemies. That night i was pretty drunk, and knew immediately id made a mistake when i saw i upset her - i even chased her into the womens toilets to apologise and spent the rest of the night grovelling and telling her how much it was her i wanted to be with, and not the one id kissed.
Then, again in January on a night out she saw me talking to the same woman, and jumped to the assumption something was going on between us, when really i was simply chatting to her to pass the time before i could get to spend time with the one i want.
Ever since shes never believed me that the Christmas kiss was nothing else but that. She simply refuses to believe that she was the only one i wanted to be with, even though months down the line im still unable to let her go. Last night i tried to explain why things happened, i told her and illustrated to her why now we're almost into April that im still hooked up on her, all this time and yet she still does not believe me.
She says those two nights are not important anymore to her, and she doesnt think about it. If that is the case, then why not believe me ? and if she accuses me of not caring, why on earth would it be such a splinter in my mind so many weeks on that she still doesnt believe me ?
Its unbelievable, that she still does not believe me !
Posted by Sammy_boy
I'd be careful with this woman, it sounds like she's the jelous type and may be wanting to know what you're up to and with whom if you did get it together, sounds like she may be the type who will be accusing you of having an affair when you're not!
I would say try to be friends with her again, but nothing more, I can see trouble down the line otherwise!
Posted by etaab
That is what ive been wanting for the past couple of weeks, but i get so frustrated when she tells me im such a bad person because of things she hears or is told by other people, and frustrated because she wants me to show her i care about her but not tell her how i feel about her in the romantic way.
She wants me to prove everything i do, but ive no idea how to go about doing it. How do you prove to someone you're crazy about that you care without showing your romantic feelings ? She says she hates people buying her things like flowers or any other bribe type gifts. She says to show her i care, be there for her as a friend - but 99% of the time she wont allow me to do that.
I cant win !
Posted by Sammy_boy
It sounds like you're in a bit of an untenable situation. She sounds like more trouble than she's worth. I'd give her an ultimatum - say let's be friends for now, and do things that friends do i.e. do things together, be there for each other etc. and see where it goes, and if she starts behaving like she has been or going on about 'proving' things tell her that will be it no friends or anything. I know it's easy for someone not in the situation to say things like this, but it sounds like you have to be assertive with her or she'll cause you heartache for a long time to come.
I guess she's been badly hurt in the past, and this is her coping mechanism for this, it may be worth her talking about this with someone - either you or perhaps seek professional help, like a councillor to talk her issues through with.
Posted by methylated_spirit
Why don't you check out Esato Lonely Hearts for some advice?
Posted by etaab
@ Sammy_boy - again you've all hit the nail on the head. The problem with this woman is shes is extremely beautiful, and incredibly hot. The downside to that is she gets everyone, and i mean everyone coming onto her. It also means shes had a ton of boyfriends, and they've all hurt her in the past.
Shes told me shes sick of men treating her like sh!t, but yet wont give me the chance to show her im different. She'd rather just listen to the bad rumours or chinese whispers and assume the worst. She also misinterprets everything i say to her as something negative. I'll tell her how im feeling, and she'll say im telling her because i want her to feel bad about how shes hurt me, when really i want the opposite, i want her not to feel bad but to understand that the reason why i say such things, or do such things are because of how much she means to me.
Ive tried the whole lets be friends thing, and it worked well for a couple of weeks until last Friday night. Now, she says she doesnt know if she can even be friends with me, which to be honest devastates me. As for ultimatums, ive tried that before with her and she always takes the route i dont want meaning i have to be the one doing the apologising. Its like she knows i'll give in every single time.
Im not exactly sure which way to go right now, im just going to give it time and see how things pan out. If she doesnt even want to be a friend anymore, theres not much i can do about it. However when i asked her if she cared about me at all last night, she got a really angry look on her face and told me she couldnt believe i asked that. But then, if she really does care, how can she just cut me out of her life.. ?
Posted by Sammy_boy
The only other thing I can suggest is to phone her up or see her, say to her 'right, as you have continuously treated me badly over the last few days, I'm not going to contact you again. Feel free to phone, text, or call on me when you are ready to talk rationally and sensibly about this situation. I want to be more than friends with you, but your current behaviour is upsetting and confusing me. Have a good think about what you want from life, and what you want from me and then get back to me if you want to be friends or if you want something more. I'll be waiting for you if that's what you want'.
Or something along those lines. She then has to take responsibility for herself and her actions with regards to you, leaves the ball in her court.
of course, she may not ever call you again, but at least you'd know where you stood. It would be hard, and you'd hurt, but would leave you free to find someone who would reciprocate your feelings and not mess you about
Posted by haynesycop
You know it i weird but it is hard to see why this women is treating you this way etaab.
I mean i know us women moan about men alot and for good reason ha ha (joke) but in all seriousness she is being a complete bitch to you.
I agree with sammyboy arrange to meet her somewere and just get it all off your chest, let her know how much she is upsetting you.
Surely she will see sense eventually, if she continues to treat you this way then you should cut all ties and move on.
Posted by max_wedge
miss c is right she's treating you pretty bad. Sammy_boy also has a good point about her having been hurt in the past.
The truth is no amount of talking will make her see sense. You have to continue being assertive and firm, yet supportive at the same time. No number of wordings or "proof" will satisfy her, since she is suffering from internal doubts. It's not your fault that she feels this way, but that's the only way she can see it. In her mind she feels she needs to "know" (proof) that you care without any question, and she interprets her own self doubts as coming from outside her. Many people do this,. They have feelings about something ie: doubt, but don't understand that those feelings are coming from inside. They continually look around for the source of the horrible feelings they have (forgetting to look inside) and when they can't find it they get frustrated, angry, resentful etc. So if she has doubts in her own mind about your feelings, she assumes that you must be the one with the doubts and that she is "picking up" on those doubts. This is a trick the subconscious plays to protect the conscious mind from information that is too scary for the individual to process. Just pretend someone else is responsible for your bad feelings. People do this because deep in their sub-conscious they fear they can never be "complete". To avoid looking at this issue, just blame everyone around you for any bad feelings you have.
The hard part is you can't talk to her about this out in the open like we are doing here - she'll just be suspicious that you are trying to blame her.
Your actions, firm but supportive, are the best bet for getting her to see. Assertive because she needs to learn that you won't play games with her when she tries to blame you for her own internal self-doubt, and supportive because she needs to know you are there for her. Supportive in this case means leaving the lines of communication open and not getting angry with her, but it doesn't mean putting up with unfounded accusations. When she starts to talk about proof that you care and things like that, reiterate that it's obvious you care, but DON'T get drawn into an argument. Say it once, then leave if you have to so that you don't get drawn into the argument.
Once she can see that you don't feel the need to justify yourself to her she will have more confidence in what you say. Sounds perverse I know, but that's how woman work sometimes. She'll also see that trying to get you to prove that you care will just push you away.
You must be consistant about this, otherwise she won't get the message.
Posted by etaab
Well, heres the latest. After seeing her Wednesday night, we got on well after the initial arguement when we first met up, like ive already said above. Then, i saw her again last night, and it was a complete reversal in attitude from the night before where she calmed down after a while and talked rationally.
All the time i spent with her last night, she had a nasty attitude and was saying things intentionally to hurt my feelings, swearing and generally being abusive (shes like that when shes upset). Eventually i got sick of it, and confronted her about it. She said she was in a bad mood anyway, but was also still very angry with me for the things id said and done in the days previous. I asked her why though, since the night before we'd talked in a civilised manner and suddenly we were back on warring terms again.
She continued to give me nothing but bad attitude until i finally calmed her down enough to talk rationally. Then, we went over all the same old ground again and again. I told her the things id said in the days before id only said because i was angry and that she'd hurt me, and when i told her to stay out of my life, i didnt actually mean it. I also talked about the things that had happened that had destroyed her trust in me, and attempted to convince her how i really feel, and what i really wanted.
She simply does not believe me. She apologised for not believing me, and said for some reason why i say such things i just dont seem genuine. I then told her a few things about myself, about how i feel and how serious i am about her even if she doesnt want the same thing (recently she had a pregnancy scare, and i said id stand by her if the results were positive (they werent)).
Anyway, we parted on good terms last night, but she still doesnt want to even be friends at the moment.
Posted by etaab
Well well well, what a weekend it has been.
Since i pressed the submit button on Friday since i last posted, alot has happened. This woman im talking about decided to cause me trouble at work (we both work for the same company, thats where we met), and told my boss i had been harassing her. Saturday and Sunday at work she decided it was all not true anymore, and didnt want to proceed with sexual harassment claims (after she had told my boss i had..).
The result, she has been moved to a completely different part of the building.
A good result for me, since Saturday night there was a sort of work related night out and she attended. I didnt know she was coming. In the queue for the night club she punched me square in the face, because i was laughing at her inept attempts of getting me sacked. Inside the club, i rubbed her face in the dirt by chatting up and kissing another woman i met at the bar. Im taking her out next week.
The woman ive been talking about for so long now then snogged some geeky kid in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous, and in the taxi home brought him with us. All rather amusing to me. Then, as i got out of the taxi for no apparent reason she attacked me by punching me, scratching me and tearing my shirt. Im now covered in bruises, nail scratches all down my neck and ribs.
The funny part is, i dont really care anymore. Its obvious she has some sort of feelings for me otherwise she wouldnt have done what she did or attacked me for showing her silly behaviour does not bother me.
Posted by leeboy13
ditch her... sounds, like you have anyway..... she sounds like a man-beater..... imho that is as bad as a wife beater...... she deserves to be publically imbarressed for hitting a bloke, especially the scratches...... I hate it coz if it was the other way around and she was covered in brusies it would be a different story for the bloke...... We live in a very sexist world where womeen can get away with beating.......
Posted by JK
this is some bitchin session!!
Posted by haynesycop
The women is a complete psycho mate!!!
Jeez why would anyone be like that, people like her give us nice ladies a bad name
Well i hope your date goes well, have a nice time and totally ditch that other weirdo, i wouldn't be friends with her at all after the way she has behaved.
Posted by max_wedge
Etaab dude, that's one flipped out chick. You def don't need her. It's no doubt true that she cares about you, but it's gonna take her years to learn how express it properly.
Move on, enjoy ya date man
_________________
Get free themes from my themes site
[ This Message was edited by: max_wedge on 2006-04-03 14:28 ]
Posted by haynesycop
Yeah i agree she has issues, no doubt about that!
This thread should become some kind of dating agony aunt thread ha ha!
Posted by etaab
@ Everyone - to be honest, its not the violence that bothers me at all, in fact i find it a kind of turn on that she can fight her corner, and rather amusing because shes only small and can barely hurt me apart from cosmetic scratches on my neck and chest.
What bothers me the most is the fact she threatened and tried to cause serious trouble for me at work. Making sexual harassment accusations has lots of implications, not only could it get a guy sacked, but it could also ruin all future career opportunities and turn otherwise loyal friends or colleagues against a man (or woman for that matter).
Its the very fact that she did that when i'd worked so hard just to be friends with her that i cannot forgive. Friends simply do not do that to each other. I'll move on in time, even though right now im still feeling pretty down and low over the whole mess but im looking forward to my date towards the weekend. Wish me luck.
@ miss copperfield - thats not such a bad idea, i know in the past ive often just wanted to write down how im feeling and allow other people to share what im going through, and read their stories too. Its always good to know you're not alone.
_________________
http://www.werenotafraid.com
[ This Message was edited by: etaab on 2006-04-04 00:50 ]
Posted by max_wedge
You are certainly not alone buddy.
My ex from a couple of years ago wouldn't stay friends with me because her knew guy didn't want her to have anything to do with me. But that didn't stop her using me to babysit our dogs (after we broke up) for two weeks while she lived it up with her new bloke. Then she came and got the dogs and wouldn't let me see them again! If I'd had space to keep them (I moved out of the house we'd shared into a granny flat at my Dad's) I would have sued her for custody, serious!
Well I would have sued her if I had any money, after what I spent on her and fixing up her financial mistakes.
I miss my ridgebacks (don't miss her at all).
Now this girl was quite a bit younger than me (13 years). Which is about how much older than me my girlfriend before that was! If you think it's easy to have communication difficulties with someone your own age, try someone 14 years younger or older
Posted by etaab
Well, ive been with women significantly older than me in the past (at one point one was 26 years older..), and as young as 18 since im now 27.
It never makes any difference IMO, they're all the same young or mature, they still hurt you just like us men hurt women in similar ways.
Tonight as i was driving home from work, i drove past the end of her road, still a few days on im still feeling completely annoyed about the whole thing. She hasnt been in contact yet, and i doubt she will for a while. I wont see her at work much anymore either since shes been moved - but im not sure if its permenant.
Posted by max_wedge
Well done etaab. 26 years! You were 18 and she was a 44 year old ex-model with an unstopable libido? Every young man's dream
Posted by scapevlocity
| Quote: |
|
In a random conversation, joke about it and say, "Man, somebody beat me to ya." Or something like that. Watch for her reaction/expression on her face. If you're lucky she might even break down and tell you she feels the same way. On the other hand, if you don't see that "expression" on her face, that she'd plainly take it as a joke, and not really get it, you'd still be safe as friends with no real complications. (Except that you'd still be in the closet about your feelings about her.)
Posted by scapevlocity
etaab:
you might get mad at me for saying this, no offense to you, really, but...
that woman is nuts.
Posted by Luke-the-magic-man
man, no offence, but you had one crazy bith on your hands lol, I think its a good thing you ditched her
Posted by etaab
@ max_wedge - i was 17, she 43, and it was a one night thing never to be repeated..
@ scapevlocity & Luke-the-magic-man - yeah she is pretty crazy, but thats what i liked about her. Not seen or heard from her since Sunday night, i still feel bad but knowing ive done nothing wrong (for a change) i feel much better.
Posted by etaab
Saw her today at work, i spoke to her simply to be polite and she completely ignored me.
And, right now, ive just had another crank call at 11.10pm, followed up by a text message from her mate calling me a n*bhead..
She probably wrote it on his phone.