Posted by amnesia
When you have been with someone for three years, and that person is in another country for a while. There is also the chance that you wont see that person for a year. Do you think it is normal for that person to be too busy for you?
Busy from morning til night?
Too busy to send a message saying hello?
Too busy to send an instant message even though their status is away on messenger?
Too busy for any of these things? But not too busy to go out with some friends?
How should a guy feel?
Oh and of course talking about it isn't an option because I can't even get in contact...
Posted by tranquil
Just like what a girl would feel like: dumped!
Try to stay calm though. There might be a perfectly reasonable reason for it; Her phone has been nicked, the intenet connection has collapsed, the landline bill has not been payed and cut off...
Send her a hand written letter.
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[ This Message was edited by: tranquil on 2005-08-21 19:21 ]
Posted by haynesycop
Hmmm!!!
How long has she been away?
Not sure what to say here, depends how long you have been apart.
Has she not rung you in awhile, written, instant messaged, emailed?
Have you rung her and she has ignored you?
It must be tought being apart for so long
Posted by Kryptik
Try to make alternate contact with her, failing which let things be... for now. Then try again tomorrow... And then you wait. As Tranquil says, there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation, so don't become sarcastic in your messages to her. Patience is what's called for now...
Posted by SsTiTcH
Can understand feeling hurt by that m8 .. but could be any number of reasons from bad mobile networks / timezones to shcedules .. be patient and keep trying .. its never easy am half a world away from my gf at moment .. takes alot of faith patience and love to hold together at such times .. try sending her a card , letter , flowers etc in the meantime and hang in there .. things will work for you .. good luck and hang in there m8 ... luckily this is my final trip abroad after years of travelling the world .. . a year seems long but does go fast ..
Posted by amnesia
i'll explain, she's my fiance.
she's sent me an email saying that i call too much.. but she's the one who asked me to call, and she's also said if she doesn't answer she wants me to keep trying because she might have been busy at that time.
she's been away for two months now, and it seems to me that she's just obviously nuts...
a normal person would think that the relationship is over, but to her, she might think that nothing out of the ordinary is going on.
`i've mentioned this, shes told me that she knows that shes not being very nice and that she just needs time to finish what shes doing....
i just dont understand. i'm going to just wait it out.
when she comes back at the middle of September i'm going to see whats going on.
just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being paranoid here. She is not acting normal.
Posted by scotsboyuk
@amnesia
If she is returning in September I would suggest you wait until then to have a proper talk to her about your relationship. Be frank with her and ask her what was going on exactly and ask her to be equally frank with you.
You must be prepared for the possibility that your relationship may have changed. On the other hand you should also remember to be hopeful that this is really nothing, but a storm in a teacup. It may be that being away apart for so long and a heavy workload or a busy schedule may have been causing problems for both of you.
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[ This Message was edited by: scotsboyuk on 2005-08-22 04:03 ]
Posted by Kryptik
An entire truckload of patience is required from you, as well as a non-confrontational attitude. (she sounds a tad eccentric... Or very very busy!) Try to relax, and remember that absence, as well as abstinence, does make the heart grow fonder.
Posted by JK
she's sent me an email saying that i call too much..
Read this line till you blue in the face!!!! Just give her what she wants and DONT CALL!!!
ps: go mess around while shes not around, have some fun, get your mind of her... (dont over do it!
)
Posted by Davo_169
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flirting isnt cheating
Posted by Kwiksta
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hehe...one unlucky girl...(no offence meant there!)
Posted by JK
and?
Posted by Sir-SonyEricsson-man
hmm.. This is just the way it ended between me and my ex. I lost the feelings for here. But i told here that..
Posted by Kwiksta
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yes, im sorry...
Posted by goldenface
In answer to your question, unless you have been hounding her with calls, I would feel really pissed off. There had better be a good explanation when she gets back. You seriously mean she can go out partying with friends but has no time to say hello to her fiance? You're getting married! She's taking the piss!
Posted by methylated_spirit
sounds like she's banging Raul the waiter, mate...
Question is, what are you going to do about it?
Do you want to be wasting your time on someone who cant be bothered to even speak to you?
You need closure. Screw her sister. Set fire to her garage. Beat up her dad. They've all worked for me!
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[ This Message was edited by: methylated_spirit on 2005-08-26 13:25 ]
Posted by Vlammetje
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
as written from prison?
Posted by methylated_spirit
In Scotland, the legal system has a handy thing... a "not proven" verdict
Posted by goldenface
I agree with Meths. Its just not right. I mean, who is she working for, MI6?! When was the last time you spoke to her? Write her a letter or something to let her know how you feel, and ask her whats going on.
Posted by amnesia
i've decided for the mean time, I'm not going to do anything.
I'm not going to write or call.
(it's been a week)
I'll be all normal with her.
If things are fine, I've got a list of shit she needs to change which I'll confront her with.
If not... I dont know I usually act heartless in break-ups but we'll see.
Posted by goldenface
Good luck Amnesia. Get to the bottom of things when you see her (no not that way ;-)) but if her excuses don't wash then do the right thing.
Posted by Krubach
I'm very sad to hear that story from you.
But here's my two cents:
- She is playing double: She having fun where she is, but doesn't want to lose you because she knows that "current fun" won't last.
- If she didn't want to stay with you, she'd already dumped you, because dodging your call, emails, etc... she's avoiding you.
- Maybe you're her "life insurance", get it?
Don't know about how you all fell, but being latin (Portuguese) i wouldn't accept it. She/I must be there when I/She need(s) her/me.
Just let it go and talk to her when she comes back.
But i wouldn't give much for that relationship...
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[ This Message was edited by: Krubach on 2005-08-26 15:41 ]
Posted by goldenface
Wise words indeed. It doesn't sound like she has your best interests at heart. Sadly.
Posted by amnesia
you know it's the same with an Arabic relationship.
Except the guy expects the girl to always be there and the guy gives the girl everything she wants.
Now, I hardly ask her for anything to be honest.
i only ask her to get intimate, share her feelings, or better yet, my most SELFISH request is to let her call me while she's in Japan.
Now you see a normal guy might get paranoid and think the worse. e.g. she might be cheating or doesn't care anymore.
But I know that she's the independant type. She's the kind that can survive without speaking to a person for a long time. She doesn't speak to her parents for months at a time, she doesn't speak to some friends for 3-4 months at a time.
But my point is, even if she is that way, she knows that I dont accept it, and so she shouldn't do that with me. Especially since saying hello dosen't take two seconds.
Anyway, I'd rather not get fussed at the moment until I know whats going on.
Posted by JK
But I know that she's the independant type. She's the kind that can survive without speaking to a person for a long time. She doesn't speak to her parents for months at a time, she doesn't speak to some friends for 3-4 months at a time.
Well from what I see shes just being her normal self and theres nothing to worry about!!! + theres ugly guys in japan, nothing to worry about!
Posted by soulframe
"you know it's the same with an Arabic relationship.
Except the guy expects the girl to always be there and the guy gives the girl everything she wants. "
You know this is kind of wierd, I just got engaged and i'm in a very similar situation, tbh every women is different anyone who tells you otherwise is speaking out of their ass.
There are some basic requirements in this kind of situation though,
1# Carry on as you are, i.e. try and get on with life, don't let her bog you down. DON'T forget about her, just file her away in the 'To be dealt with at another time' cabinet
2# When you do eventually get in contact with her you have to be very carefull. First don't be a push over, but at the same time show her that you still care about her (which you do I presume?).
3# This last one is a difficult one (for me anyway). There are times when a women needs (AND IN NO WAY DO I ADVOCATE VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN) a high dosage of Testosterone their way. What I mean to say is you have to be ultra firm with her, don't shout or scream, it has to be controlled. I personally find it very difficult to do this as it's not in my character, but hopefully you've got more balls than me.
I know what you mean about arabic relationships, because i'm in one myself and it's the hardest thing in the world. I do everything to please her and it's still not enough, I have to be able to read her mind to please her, I have to second guess her.
Oh well, I hope you have better luck than me. Please let us know how it turns out, as I could use some good examples.
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[ This Message was edited by: soulframe on 2005-08-26 16:56 ]
Posted by amnesia
i totally know what you mean.
It's just that you wonder how someone who said they love you can do what they are doing without feeling remorse.
I've made an audio version from an excerpt from my blog.
How do you feel when you see and hear that?
Posted by solidsingh
that link doesnt work im afraid
Posted by amnesia
try again
you must have clicked it while I was uploading.
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[ This Message was edited by: amnesia on 2005-08-26 18:52 ]
Posted by solidsingh
just listened to it, is that you speaking
Posted by amnesia
yes thats me.
Posted by solidsingh
i feel for you, you sound really low
i think your gonna have to wait it out until she comes back